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Millennial checking in. My parents told me in no uncertain terms that I was on my own after high school. There was never any safety net. I found out much later

Millennial checking in. My parents told me in no uncertain terms that I was on my own after high school. There was never any safety net. I found out much later in life how poor we were. It's very hard to escape both poverty and growing up with neglect, abuse and a lot of dysfunction. I'm actually amazed I'm not on drugs, in jail (or both), or just: dead.

jacquesm 3y ago
Wow, that sounds sad. And in a way they probably did you a favor because that kind of influence doesn't help. In contrast: as long as I breathe my children will have a home to return to should they need it.
- justinator 3y ago
  I don't know what you mean by favor, but I'll take your comment with grace. I would suggest to anyone that growing up in an alcoholic family doesn't do anyone any favors. My parents so neglected their health that they both died before I turned 20, and before they reached 60. Unfortunately for me, neither had any savings, retirement, or life insurance.
  - jacquesm 3y ago
    As the son of an alcoholic father: I'm really happy that I didn't grow up there and if he'd have kicked me out if I did that would have been doing me a favor. So yes, that was meant in a sympathetic way. And my dad too died young, but not quite that young.
    - justinator 3y ago
      I'm sorry to hear that too. I'm very glad to hear that you seem to be doing well. It's not always the case and the scars are oftetimes internal and invisible. Take care of yourself.
      - jacquesm 3y ago
        Thanks, and likewise! One thing for me: no alcohol, ever. That's the biggest remaining thing even though there are probably many others this one is the most outward visible. And what amazes me is the amount of peer pressure applied to get you to change from a resolution like that, it's just incredible how this seems to be some kind of red cloth for some people.
nickpeterson 3y ago
The whole, “my kids need to learn independence” idea is basically because parents are under financial duress. They’d rather be seen as strict than poor, because it makes them appear to have some power over their lives. Scarcity explains a lot of the policies in poorer areas. Every man for himself brings out the worst in people.
- justinator 3y ago
  I didn't feel my parents were strict at all - perhaps the opposite. It didn't help that Dr. Spock put out a free range parenting book at about the same time. It was a great excuse for how they just didn't function themselves as parents or to a large part: adults themselves. I did find them very neglectful. I had needs and they didn't do a great job in getting them met. This reinforces the idea that your needs aren't important, and you instead become a people pleaser later in life, in an attempt to "win" the love of others. That's very sick thinking. I'm not for helicopter parents or anything, but there sure is a happy medium somewhere in there. I'm finding out now that I have very obvious learning and attention disabilities, and probably a touch of the 'tism. That should have been picked up relatively easy by the fact that I'm highly intelligent but had a complete lack of being able to do any homework, what-so-ever.

jacquesm 3y ago

Wow, that sounds sad. And in a way they probably did you a favor because that kind of influence doesn't help. In contrast: as long as I breathe my children will have a home to return to should they need it.

justinator 3y ago
I don't know what you mean by favor, but I'll take your comment with grace. I would suggest to anyone that growing up in an alcoholic family doesn't do anyone any favors. My parents so neglected their health that they both died before I turned 20, and before they reached 60. Unfortunately for me, neither had any savings, retirement, or life insurance.
- jacquesm 3y ago
  As the son of an alcoholic father: I'm really happy that I didn't grow up there and if he'd have kicked me out if I did that would have been doing me a favor. So yes, that was meant in a sympathetic way. And my dad too died young, but not quite that young.
  - justinator 3y ago
    I'm sorry to hear that too. I'm very glad to hear that you seem to be doing well. It's not always the case and the scars are oftetimes internal and invisible. Take care of yourself.
    - jacquesm 3y ago
      Thanks, and likewise! One thing for me: no alcohol, ever. That's the biggest remaining thing even though there are probably many others this one is the most outward visible. And what amazes me is the amount of peer pressure applied to get you to change from a resolution like that, it's just incredible how this seems to be some kind of red cloth for some people.

nickpeterson 3y ago

The whole, “my kids need to learn independence” idea is basically because parents are under financial duress. They’d rather be seen as strict than poor, because it makes them appear to have some power over their lives. Scarcity explains a lot of the policies in poorer areas. Every man for himself brings out the worst in people.

justinator 3y ago
I didn't feel my parents were strict at all - perhaps the opposite. It didn't help that Dr. Spock put out a free range parenting book at about the same time. It was a great excuse for how they just didn't function themselves as parents or to a large part: adults themselves. I did find them very neglectful. I had needs and they didn't do a great job in getting them met. This reinforces the idea that your needs aren't important, and you instead become a people pleaser later in life, in an attempt to "win" the love of others. That's very sick thinking. I'm not for helicopter parents or anything, but there sure is a happy medium somewhere in there. I'm finding out now that I have very obvious learning and attention disabilities, and probably a touch of the 'tism. That should have been picked up relatively easy by the fact that I'm highly intelligent but had a complete lack of being able to do any homework, what-so-ever.