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No. My mother told me on my 12th birthday not to make the same mistake she did and it wasn't worth the sacrifices. Got fixed in my early 20s (I'm in my mid-40s

by S_Bear 3y ago

No. My mother told me on my 12th birthday not to make the same mistake she did and it wasn't worth the sacrifices. Got fixed in my early 20s (I'm in my mid-40s now). My wife is disgusted by pregnancy and never wanted to put herself through that. I have everything I want and need, and no baggage anchoring me to a place (not attached to my parents, so if they need elder care, sucks to be them). My wife and I constantly remark how nice our life is and wouldn't change it for anything.

belval 3y ago
> My mother told me on my 12th birthday not to make the same mistake she did I don't want to read into your family situation at all, but this seems like an extremely weird thing to say to your pre-teen. Could she not wait for you to be a bit older?
- S_Bear 3y ago
  It was a great deterrent to teen pregnancy; never got anybody pregnant!
xyzelement 3y ago
Between your mom's comments and your statement about your parents, it sounds like you had a very challenging upbringing that obviously has shaped your world view. And I can't argue with that... But I want to throw in that this is not the default experience. For example, my wife and I love taking care of our little kids although it's obviously challenging. The thing you get out of it is that it's deeply meaningful. I had "more fun" single (eg, would go to 20 countries every year) but to continue that lifestyle, childless, into my 40s, would have been sad. In contrast, I now love being a suburban dad who's all about the family. Similarly, as our parents age we know we will be there for them even if that presents its own challenges. There's no part of me that would feel better if I told my kids and parents to go fucks themselves to focus on my hobbies. I guess it goes back to the parents. Our parents modeled good parenthood for us and we want to keep doing it, and to also repay them as they need us. It's not an onerous obligation - we're happy to do it. But we're lucky to have had good parents.
- hotpotamus 3y ago
  I was 8 years old when I realized there is no god and I'm going to die and just disappear into nothingness and all I'd done and will ever do would mean nothing anymore. I told my parents and they tried to keep the happy story of heaven and all that going, but I just never could believe any of it no matter how much I wanted to. I can't imagine what I would tell a child since I don't have religion; I think it's a quite important component that I am simply unable to participate in. Plus college expenses are only going up and it seems pretty grim for the kids if they don't go.
  - xyzelement 3y ago
    I don’t get that attitude frankly. The reason you are here is testament to all the generations of your ancestors. If you had and raised good children that’s the obvious thing that will go on well past you. If you create ideas, help people, etc then that outlives you too. It’s unfortunate your parents weren’t able to explain it like this. I wouldn’t worry about college cost. That stuff is getting disrupted.
    - S_Bear 3y ago
      Who cares about my ancestors? I never understood that or the whole 'leaving a legacy' bit. Just want to live my life and fade away like I was never there.
      - xyzelement 3y ago
        You do you - just recognize that your reality isn't the reality for billions of people who feel deeply connected to their ancestors and descendants.
    - hotpotamus 3y ago
      How many of your ancestors can you name? I can name one of my 8 great-great grandfathers (theoretically I have 8 but it was a small town and these things are not perfect) because I dug the grave for his youngest daughter myself and saw his tombstone. That is all he is to me. I cannot name any others. Eventually your children will be as forgotten as my ancestors. I’m not saying not to enjoy the time we have here, but that doesn’t mean that that comes easy or that the burdens of existence are ones I would wish on a child.

by S_Bear 3y ago

belval 3y ago

> My mother told me on my 12th birthday not to make the same mistake she did I don't want to read into your family situation at all, but this seems like an extremely weird thing to say to your pre-teen. Could she not wait for you to be a bit older?

S_Bear 3y ago
It was a great deterrent to teen pregnancy; never got anybody pregnant!

xyzelement 3y ago

Between your mom's comments and your statement about your parents, it sounds like you had a very challenging upbringing that obviously has shaped your world view. And I can't argue with that... But I want to throw in that this is not the default experience. For example, my wife and I love taking care of our little kids although it's obviously challenging. The thing you get out of it is that it's deeply meaningful. I had "more fun" single (eg, would go to 20 countries every year) but to continue that lifestyle, childless, into my 40s, would have been sad. In contrast, I now love being a suburban dad who's all about the family. Similarly, as our parents age we know we will be there for them even if that presents its own challenges. There's no part of me that would feel better if I told my kids and parents to go fucks themselves to focus on my hobbies. I guess it goes back to the parents. Our parents modeled good parenthood for us and we want to keep doing it, and to also repay them as they need us. It's not an onerous obligation - we're happy to do it. But we're lucky to have had good parents.

hotpotamus 3y ago
I was 8 years old when I realized there is no god and I'm going to die and just disappear into nothingness and all I'd done and will ever do would mean nothing anymore. I told my parents and they tried to keep the happy story of heaven and all that going, but I just never could believe any of it no matter how much I wanted to. I can't imagine what I would tell a child since I don't have religion; I think it's a quite important component that I am simply unable to participate in. Plus college expenses are only going up and it seems pretty grim for the kids if they don't go.
- xyzelement 3y ago
  I don’t get that attitude frankly. The reason you are here is testament to all the generations of your ancestors. If you had and raised good children that’s the obvious thing that will go on well past you. If you create ideas, help people, etc then that outlives you too. It’s unfortunate your parents weren’t able to explain it like this. I wouldn’t worry about college cost. That stuff is getting disrupted.
  - S_Bear 3y ago
    Who cares about my ancestors? I never understood that or the whole 'leaving a legacy' bit. Just want to live my life and fade away like I was never there.
    - xyzelement 3y ago
      You do you - just recognize that your reality isn't the reality for billions of people who feel deeply connected to their ancestors and descendants.
  - hotpotamus 3y ago
    How many of your ancestors can you name? I can name one of my 8 great-great grandfathers (theoretically I have 8 but it was a small town and these things are not perfect) because I dug the grave for his youngest daughter myself and saw his tombstone. That is all he is to me. I cannot name any others. Eventually your children will be as forgotten as my ancestors. I’m not saying not to enjoy the time we have here, but that doesn’t mean that that comes easy or that the burdens of existence are ones I would wish on a child.