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This negative framing is terribly disheartening. She went to the time and trouble to pick out an umbrella especially for you, and she did it because this is cle

This negative framing is terribly disheartening. She went to the time and trouble to pick out an umbrella especially for you, and she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. Maybe it’s also time for you to step up and buy her a thoughtfully selected umbrella.

bgirard 3y ago
I would appreciate the thoughtful gesture, but I would rather have 20 more minutes with my signifiant other than an umbrella. And that's the point of the article. Disrupting a work pipeline to answer an executive question might be fitting here. Sure they would have liked the answer to their question (umbrella) but they didn't want to lose 20 person hours to that question. Good communication is key.
- mcfedr 3y ago
  And spend 20 mins less waiting in there rain for them
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lukas099 3y ago
> she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. Where are you getting this information from? IMO there is nothing wrong with the comment you're replying to. They didn't say that they didn't appreciate the gesture. Just that it taught them that they needed to be more explicit about the priorities of requests.
- PH95VuimJjqBqy 3y ago
  > Where are you getting this information from? A different thread of conversation in this post is arguing over what good faith means. The above poster is clearly not showing good faith because they're assuming negative behaviors. That's where they got the information from.
- inopinatus 3y ago
  > Where are you getting this information from? The very first clause in their remark gives that this is a typical and repeated scenario. > They didn't say that they didn't appreciate the gesture The point here is that social relationships are not a valid analog for management.
BeetleB 3y ago
> This negative framing is terribly disheartening. She went to the time and trouble to pick out an umbrella especially for you, and she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. What a giant leap. Thinking like that is a sure fire way to have relationship problems.
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- inopinatus 3y ago
  Respecting your partner's executive choices and self-assigned preferences, and recognising that they follow motivations of their own, leads to relationship problems? Only for those carrying the controlling/abusive danger flag.
  - BeetleB 3y ago
    > Respecting your partner's executive choices and self-assigned preferences, and recognising that they follow motivations of their own, leads to relationship problems? Not what I said, and quite unrelated.[1] Moreover, it is not what you said, even if that's what you meant. You said: > She went to the time and trouble to pick out an umbrella especially for you, and she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. These are significant assumptions to make. Jumping to conclusions like that will lead to relationship problems. Of course, I could go on and talk about how the behavior could be problematic even if the assumptions are true, but it depends on the particulars of the two people involved. Certainly, if the assumption is true, the behavior is not necessarily a positive one. Intentions matter. As do outcomes. Don't ignore the latter. [1] And yes, that could trivially lead to relationship problems, and could also trivially lead to relationship bliss, given how generic your comment is.
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    - inopinatus 3y ago
bjackman 3y ago
I think that's a uncharitable reading of a post that goes: 1. I took this action. 2. It had this impact on another person. 3. I should have taken a different action!

bgirard 3y ago

I would appreciate the thoughtful gesture, but I would rather have 20 more minutes with my signifiant other than an umbrella. And that's the point of the article. Disrupting a work pipeline to answer an executive question might be fitting here. Sure they would have liked the answer to their question (umbrella) but they didn't want to lose 20 person hours to that question. Good communication is key.

mcfedr 3y ago
And spend 20 mins less waiting in there rain for them
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lukas099 3y ago

> she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. Where are you getting this information from? IMO there is nothing wrong with the comment you're replying to. They didn't say that they didn't appreciate the gesture. Just that it taught them that they needed to be more explicit about the priorities of requests.

PH95VuimJjqBqy 3y ago
> Where are you getting this information from? A different thread of conversation in this post is arguing over what good faith means. The above poster is clearly not showing good faith because they're assuming negative behaviors. That's where they got the information from.
inopinatus 3y ago
> Where are you getting this information from? The very first clause in their remark gives that this is a typical and repeated scenario. > They didn't say that they didn't appreciate the gesture The point here is that social relationships are not a valid analog for management.

BeetleB 3y ago

> This negative framing is terribly disheartening. She went to the time and trouble to pick out an umbrella especially for you, and she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. What a giant leap. Thinking like that is a sure fire way to have relationship problems.

deleted 3y ago
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inopinatus 3y ago
Respecting your partner's executive choices and self-assigned preferences, and recognising that they follow motivations of their own, leads to relationship problems? Only for those carrying the controlling/abusive danger flag.
- BeetleB 3y ago
  > Respecting your partner's executive choices and self-assigned preferences, and recognising that they follow motivations of their own, leads to relationship problems? Not what I said, and quite unrelated.[1] Moreover, it is not what you said, even if that's what you meant. You said: > She went to the time and trouble to pick out an umbrella especially for you, and she did it because this is clearly not the first time so it makes sense for there to be a spare umbrella. These are significant assumptions to make. Jumping to conclusions like that will lead to relationship problems. Of course, I could go on and talk about how the behavior could be problematic even if the assumptions are true, but it depends on the particulars of the two people involved. Certainly, if the assumption is true, the behavior is not necessarily a positive one. Intentions matter. As do outcomes. Don't ignore the latter. [1] And yes, that could trivially lead to relationship problems, and could also trivially lead to relationship bliss, given how generic your comment is.
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  - inopinatus 3y ago

bjackman 3y ago

I think that's a uncharitable reading of a post that goes: 1. I took this action. 2. It had this impact on another person. 3. I should have taken a different action!