5 ms·

I wouldn't care if someone said they wouldn't marry whomever I married for some deal breaker unique to them. If I disagree with it, I'd think "their loss, suck

I wouldn't care if someone said they wouldn't marry whomever I married for some deal breaker unique to them. If I disagree with it, I'd think "their loss, sucks to have weird arbitrary standards" If I agreed then I'd have been lying about my happiness with the relationship. Either way some things need to be said. I haven't seen any good arguments in favor of purchasing a diamond ring which don't seem to dismiss and devalue the agency and right to an opinion of the purchaser.

RandomLensman 3y ago
A large diamond actually looks pretty nice (and very different from mossianite), not sure why that is devaluing the agency of anyone (provided the costs are relatively easy to afford). Even uncut diamond crystals have a very particular "fatty" shine to it that some people might like and enjoy.
- atleastoptimal 3y ago
  I agree, diamonds are cool. However I've seen demands that a fiancé purchase a real diamond, not a much cheaper "synthetic" one, even though it's structurally identical. That this was even a notion affirmed my assumption that the psychological importance of purchasing a diamond is tied to the price itself.
  - RandomLensman 3y ago
    I wonder if shown a price-y sapphire the diamond would still come out on top, i.e., price and being a diamond matters
  - gtirloni 3y ago
    Wait until you hear about this rock in outter space that has some very social and weird carbon life forms. You'll be amazed about how stupid they are. Luckily we dodged that bullet.
- soco 3y ago
  I seriously doubt any regular person can tell the difference between diamond and moissanite, or even cubic zirconia. Of course it's bad policy to lie to your wife-to-be but technically I feel safe saying you could buy any of these and still claim it's a diamond - at least until they decide to pawn it but by that time it's also less important for your relationship I guess.
  - RandomLensman 3y ago
    If you put them next to each other anyone can tell they are different. Anyone who has seen a few diamonds up and close will see that the moissanite looks different.
  - vel0city 3y ago
    It's not hard to tell the difference between moissanite and diamond, but a lot of normal people won't really know what to put their finger on or if it's a good or bad thing. Whenever my wife gets comments about her moissanite, people notice it's different. Due to it's refractive index, it breaks light more and leads to a lot more colors seen when reflected back out of the stone. Loads of people just think it's a fancy diamond though since they don't know anything else and it otherwise looks very diamond like. CZ will look about the same as diamond just not as sparkly on day one. But it's way softer, so if it's a daily wear it'll get all scratched up within several years. After 10 years of wear the difference between CZ and diamond is pretty clear.
    - PawgerZ 3y ago
      You could replace that CZ every year and still spend half the amount of a diamond ring.
      - fomine3 3y ago
        I'm not a fan of jewely, but permanency should be a important feature for it
        3y ago
bryanrasmussen 3y ago
Sure - I understand that you have your particular opinions on what communication is ok, I obviously have my own opinions on things that I find ok or not as well, but I also consider what things may be considered out of line by other people before communicating with someone and I think - I love my wife! - Well, I wouldn't marry her. Might be the kind of communication (obviously, broken down here to its base level here) that would be considered out of line by a significant portion of the world population. >I haven't seen any good arguments in favor of purchasing a diamond ring As a gift >which don't seem to dismiss and devalue the agency and right to an opinion of the purchaser. when buying a gift for someone it is probably good to consider and value the agency and right to an opinion of the receiver. Not saying you are forced to buy a diamond, I don't have, but that is partially because my wife does not have strong opinions on that subject either way.
- atleastoptimal 3y ago
  Well the breaking it down to the base level itself is part of what makes it objectionable, as well as the removal from context. Obviously I wouldn't say that if it were as distilled to what you paraphrased. I imagine the mode of what is permissible is slightly different in anonymous forum threads vs. real life. Even if it wasn't and I crossed the line a lot of people agreed with me, though maybe on net and only despite the first line of my comment. > when buying a gift for someone it is probably good to consider and value the agency and right to an opinion of the receiver. Which was obviously considered in the situation. But buying any gift of course is not a 50:50 affair. One person is spending all the money. By principle I think that person should have more finality in the decision than the person only receiving the gift.

RandomLensman 3y ago

A large diamond actually looks pretty nice (and very different from mossianite), not sure why that is devaluing the agency of anyone (provided the costs are relatively easy to afford). Even uncut diamond crystals have a very particular "fatty" shine to it that some people might like and enjoy.

atleastoptimal 3y ago
I agree, diamonds are cool. However I've seen demands that a fiancé purchase a real diamond, not a much cheaper "synthetic" one, even though it's structurally identical. That this was even a notion affirmed my assumption that the psychological importance of purchasing a diamond is tied to the price itself.
- RandomLensman 3y ago
  I wonder if shown a price-y sapphire the diamond would still come out on top, i.e., price and being a diamond matters
- gtirloni 3y ago
  Wait until you hear about this rock in outter space that has some very social and weird carbon life forms. You'll be amazed about how stupid they are. Luckily we dodged that bullet.
soco 3y ago
I seriously doubt any regular person can tell the difference between diamond and moissanite, or even cubic zirconia. Of course it's bad policy to lie to your wife-to-be but technically I feel safe saying you could buy any of these and still claim it's a diamond - at least until they decide to pawn it but by that time it's also less important for your relationship I guess.
- RandomLensman 3y ago
  If you put them next to each other anyone can tell they are different. Anyone who has seen a few diamonds up and close will see that the moissanite looks different.
- vel0city 3y ago
  It's not hard to tell the difference between moissanite and diamond, but a lot of normal people won't really know what to put their finger on or if it's a good or bad thing. Whenever my wife gets comments about her moissanite, people notice it's different. Due to it's refractive index, it breaks light more and leads to a lot more colors seen when reflected back out of the stone. Loads of people just think it's a fancy diamond though since they don't know anything else and it otherwise looks very diamond like. CZ will look about the same as diamond just not as sparkly on day one. But it's way softer, so if it's a daily wear it'll get all scratched up within several years. After 10 years of wear the difference between CZ and diamond is pretty clear.
  - PawgerZ 3y ago
    You could replace that CZ every year and still spend half the amount of a diamond ring.
    - fomine3 3y ago
      I'm not a fan of jewely, but permanency should be a important feature for it
      - 3y ago

bryanrasmussen 3y ago

Sure - I understand that you have your particular opinions on what communication is ok, I obviously have my own opinions on things that I find ok or not as well, but I also consider what things may be considered out of line by other people before communicating with someone and I think - I love my wife! - Well, I wouldn't marry her. Might be the kind of communication (obviously, broken down here to its base level here) that would be considered out of line by a significant portion of the world population. >I haven't seen any good arguments in favor of purchasing a diamond ring As a gift >which don't seem to dismiss and devalue the agency and right to an opinion of the purchaser. when buying a gift for someone it is probably good to consider and value the agency and right to an opinion of the receiver. Not saying you are forced to buy a diamond, I don't have, but that is partially because my wife does not have strong opinions on that subject either way.

atleastoptimal 3y ago
Well the breaking it down to the base level itself is part of what makes it objectionable, as well as the removal from context. Obviously I wouldn't say that if it were as distilled to what you paraphrased. I imagine the mode of what is permissible is slightly different in anonymous forum threads vs. real life. Even if it wasn't and I crossed the line a lot of people agreed with me, though maybe on net and only despite the first line of my comment. > when buying a gift for someone it is probably good to consider and value the agency and right to an opinion of the receiver. Which was obviously considered in the situation. But buying any gift of course is not a 50:50 affair. One person is spending all the money. By principle I think that person should have more finality in the decision than the person only receiving the gift.