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I wouldn't marry anyone whose happiness is dependent on a artificially expensive hard and shiny rock whose prestige was inflated for years by an industry built
by atleastoptimal 3y ago
I wouldn't marry anyone whose happiness is dependent on a artificially expensive hard and shiny rock whose prestige was inflated for years by an industry built on slave labor, especially when far less expensive alternatives exist.
If she is apprised of the alternatives and still demands "No I want EXPENSIVE shiny thing" then it's cultural shaming factoring into the decision making. You have to reevaluate what she sees you as: an actual human being, or a provider mannequin whose validity as a partner depends on subjecting yourself to arbitrary ceremonial consumerist prostrations.
- londons_explore 3y agoPlenty of animals do pointless wasteful things to impress partners. I don't think we can expect humans to be any different.
- atleastoptimal 3y agoHumans are different enough already that they can recognize its pointless and wasteful. Why only acknowledge it but still cede to the pointlessness?
- averageRoyalty 3y agoThe irony that you definitely typed this on a device that was partially or fully made in inhumane conditions by people below the poverty line.
- raisedbyninjas 3y agoWe don't choose to purchase slave phones, computers, etc. over free trade alternatives. Choosing blood diamonds over artificial diamonds, makes the cruelty the point, no?
- Reubachi 3y agoAs a consumerist society we sure choose slave made e-waste over "fairly sourced" tech like Fairphone. When's the last time we heard a peep from them? It SHOULD be easier to make an industry of fairly-sourced tech than it is to make an industry of fairly sourced minerals. But the tech industry makes far far more off of their slave labor than any mining industry, and the average person is far more likely to ignore the guilt of a device they need to use daily than a rock they wear occasionally.
- fsflover 3y agoYou can buy Fairphone or Liberty Phone.
- averageRoyalty 3y agoWe choose to purchase slave made devices we simply don't need. I can't see how that's ethicallt better.
- atleastoptimal 3y agoOk so don't use computers? And if I do I must accept and condone any amount of inhumanity in business practices otherwise I'd be hypocritical?
- pie420 3y agoYou criticize society, yet you live in society. Makes you a bit of a hypocrite, no?
- averageRoyalty 3y agoI haven't criticised society?
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- blindhippo 3y agoYikes, that's quite the binary distinction... Surely there is room between those subjective descriptions of people for "hey, I like this thing even though it's irrational, ok?" Let people live their lives and you do you. People aren't a "provider mannequin" just because they like to make their partner happy.
- ben0x539 3y agoNot marrying someone given such a huge values discrepancy sounds like the right move, though.
- sneak 3y agoPeople who make irrational choices about large financial purchases don’t make good long term life partners.
- oblio 3y agoWait till you hear that car purchases are largely emotional and 99% of what we say about those decisions are post-facto rationalizations.
- Reubachi 3y agoAs someone else already mentioned, did your last vehicle purchase involve you cost-analyzing every individual part of your car versus other cars in it's class? Of course not. I know that a 33k Mazda3 and a 33k Honda Civic are "similar", but neither of them are exactly worth the same 33 thousand dollars. But who cares, really? Ultimately, even a 33k purchase is a "throw" away. You're not gonna compare control arm thickness to find the better value, and you're not gonna examine where the materials came from.
- bryanrasmussen 3y ago>I wouldn't marry anyone... yeah but I wouldn't tell someone that seems reasonably happy with the person they married that I wouldn't marry them. As long as we're listing the things we wouldn't do.
- atleastoptimal 3y agoI wouldn't care if someone said they wouldn't marry whomever I married for some deal breaker unique to them. If I disagree with it, I'd think "their loss, sucks to have weird arbitrary standards" If I agreed then I'd have been lying about my happiness with the relationship. Either way some things need to be said. I haven't seen any good arguments in favor of purchasing a diamond ring which don't seem to dismiss and devalue the agency and right to an opinion of the purchaser.
- RandomLensman 3y agoA large diamond actually looks pretty nice (and very different from mossianite), not sure why that is devaluing the agency of anyone (provided the costs are relatively easy to afford). Even uncut diamond crystals have a very particular "fatty" shine to it that some people might like and enjoy.
- atleastoptimal 3y agoI agree, diamonds are cool. However I've seen demands that a fiancé purchase a real diamond, not a much cheaper "synthetic" one, even though it's structurally identical. That this was even a notion affirmed my assumption that the psychological importance of purchasing a diamond is tied to the price itself.
- RandomLensman 3y agoI wonder if shown a price-y sapphire the diamond would still come out on top, i.e., price and being a diamond matters
- 3y ago
- SirSegWit 3y agoThat's the most reddit comment I have yet seen on HN
- isntbilly 3y ago[flagged]
- networkchad 3y ago[dead]
- akomtu 3y agoThe shiny thing is a proof that her man has the money and that she can make him spend it the way she wants. If she can't present the proof or a suitable replacement, she will be labeled a loser in her group. That's herd mentality 101.
- benj111 3y agoWe are a pack species. No one is immune from trying to fit into a group, by valuing things that the group values. You can tell your self that your Audi is objectively the best car for you, or that Mac is required to do your job most effectively. For anyone who thinks they are totally immune, go and spend a week with an Amazonian tribe, and try to spot how many cultural differences there are between you, and then those differences are just you fitting in with your fellow tribe at home. The best you can say is that there's a healthy balance between fitting into your pack and being subsumed by it. I don't think one diamond makes that case though. What is the difference in principle between that an someone spending years of their time making a hobby os or spending money and time making a computer from valves. Both things that 'our pack' would tend to view favourably.
- snvzz 3y agoMarrying is irrational to begin with. A man that relies on rational thought should avoid marriage; the cons absolutely outweigh any advantage.
- 4gotunameagain 3y agoLove is irrational. If you avoid all irrational things, you are not human.
- snvzz 3y agoHate is irrational, and yet it does not justify murder. Similarly, you can love w/o sabotaging the relationship by marrying, giving the other party a red button and a strong incentive to press it, effectively pushing the relationship out of balance. Statistically, they will. And statistically, you'll be screwed.
- surajrmal 3y agoIs the incentive financial? Isn't this assuming you earn more?
- snvzz 3y ago>Isn't this assuming No assuming. Refer to data on Divorce Court rulings on who gets screwed. Spoiler: It is men, as well as the children if any. Hard data shows what the odds are like for children who grow up in broken families.
- sasaf5 3y agoI would even say it's perfectly rational. Having someone who understands you and supports you, reliably by your side is a huge boost to your capacity to reason.
- snvzz 3y agoIt (Love) is. But Love is also not tied to marriage, as registered outcomes show.
- sasaf5 3y agoNo one is perfectly like you'd want them to be...
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- bevesce- 3y agoOn the other hand, I wish my happiness could be bought so easily too
- Clamchop 3y agoA person who has all the same values as yourself and navigates them in the same ways you do is a figurative unicorn. And anyway, one of my values is affording grace for people who I see as flawed in some way. I'm certainly quite flawed myself.
- mplewis 3y agoYeah, ok. People who base marriage on ultimatums don’t tend to get married anyway.
- iancmceachern 3y agoIt's not about that man. It's about the sacrifice, and what that represents. It's about the tradition. I would do (just about) anything for my wife, up to and including working arbitrarily hard for an arbitrary rock that she arbitrarily thinks is meaningful and awesome. I don't care about any of those details, and neither should any partner. You should be caring about what she wants. If your partner wanted a diamond for all those other reasons, and you explained they aren't those things, then your partner wouldn't want a diamond anymore. That's not the case in this hypothetical example. As the commenter upstream said, be aware of what you are buying, do your research and be knowledgeable, but for God sakes get her what she wants!
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- rexpop 3y ago> It's about the sacrifice, and what that represents. It's about the tradition. Diamond wedding rings have only been en vogue since De Beers' 1946 marketing campaign. It's a garish facet of soulless modernity masquerading as classical. Even the notion of pampering one's wife is a way of maintaining the patriarchal division of labor by keeping women in a dependent role. In a world where money talks, insisting that men afford diamonds while women only receive them is tantamount to disenfranchisement and an abridgement of women's free expression. Are we equal partners, or is she your domestic servant? Are you the gatekeeper of her wealth and, therefore, speech and agency? What a man buying a diamond ring "represents" is his agreement to financially provide, while the woman’s acceptance of the ring "represents" her agreement not to pursue financial independence.
- iancmceachern 3y agoIt doesn't represent either of those things to us, and to many. Ultimately it's about tradition. I wear the ring my father (a master jeweler) made for my grandfather who wore it as his favorite ring for most of his life before passing it on to me when he passed. My wife's ring was hand made by my father, with a diamond which sat in his safe for years prior waiting for me. It's not about the things. It's about the people. In your rush to make these little trinkets spin a whole tale about broader humanity, you're missing the humanity right in front of you.
- datatrashfire 3y ago> I wouldn't marry anyone whose happiness is dependent on a artificially expensive hard and shiny rock whose prestige was inflated for years by an industry built on slave labor, especially when far less expensive alternatives exist. One woman's diamond is another engineer's MacBook.