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It may be obvious, but it's still worth stating! I loaned $1000 to a friend in my 20's, and ended up losing both the friendship and the money (though one was no

It may be obvious, but it's still worth stating! I loaned $1000 to a friend in my 20's, and ended up losing both the friendship and the money (though one was not wholly causal of the other).

FpUser 3y ago
I believe this is type of BS pushed by people with the agenda. What kind of friend you are (talking about real friends, not drinking buddies) if you let your friend sink. My friend loaned me $3000 cash when I was at the vet and my dog needed an urgent surgery. And I paid him back and he did not loose money and we did not loose friendship. And later on when I started to make good money I sometimes loaned to friends. One could not pay me back but we did not loose friendship either as he simply had circumstances beyond his control. I just told him consider it a gift.
- lolinder 3y ago
  What sort of agenda do you imagine people have? That you had a good experience with a friendly loan doesn't discount the bad experiences of thousands of people who did lose their friendships. We've given money to friends on multiple occasions to pay for medical bills, groceries, and the like, but every time I've entered a reciprocal business arrangement with friends or family (be that a loan or a paid work arrangement), I've regretted it immensely.
  - FpUser 3y ago
    Everyone's situation is different. The fact that you've regretted it means zilch for somebody else. Maybe it is you an the type of friends / family you have. I helped my daughter few times and did not think one second about it. No regrets. You can not and should not generalize a particular situation.
    - vacuity 3y ago
      You're also generalizing though. The point is that either outcome could happen and you should be mindful of that. If you specifically never have an issue like that, good for you! But other people have been burned, and it's not any more valid for you to dismiss their experience.
- ensignavenger 3y ago
  I don't think accusing folks of having an "agenda" is a productive argument. I do think some of the rest of your post is valuable. I have both loaned money and borrowed from, at various points in my life, friends and family. When lending, I have always looked at it as 1) A way to see how reliable my friend/family really was. 2) A sort of 'gift" - knowing full well they may not repay- thus I only loan what I am willing to lose. There have been times when I have lost more money than I would have liked to, but I knew it was a possibility going in, and thus I did not lose the friendship. I just know that at that point in time, the person I loaned to was not as reliable as I had hoped, and I know to be cautious in the future. There have been many great business deals conducted between friends. If we decide not to do business with our friends because it is possible that the deal will go sour, we are left doing business with strangers, and we lose a lot of potential opportunities, not just to improve finances, but also to strengthen relationships.
- josefx 3y ago
  > And I paid him back and he did not loose money and we did not loose friendship. You know all this talk about friendship, but you still mention "And I paid him back" in the same breath as "did not loose friendship". Sometimes you have to deal with the fact that you will never see the money again over such trivial things as a thoroughly mismanaged business venture.
dboreham 3y ago
If you do this, always call it a gift. Perhaps the friend becomes rich and pays you back but usually not.
cortesoft 3y ago
I loaned $2000 to a close friend in my 20s. He never paid me back, so when he got married I just told him to think of it as an early wedding present. The friendship was (and still is) worth a lot more than $2000 to me.
- garyrob 3y ago
  That's great. In my case, the person said he needed the money because of a rent payment deadline, but then something else happened such that he could make the deadline anyway, so he spent the money I'd lent him on jewelry for his girlfriend, with no regard for the reason I lent it to him. I lent it to him because of what I thought was a need, and then he used it merely to pamper his GF, and made no motion toward paying me back. Later in his life he went to prison for a year (for unrelated reasons). I think the positive experiences people are presenting are great. I don't think the Hamlet quote is remotely a hard-and-fast rule, but it does embody a principle that is worth stating, and which can be useful food for thought in making a lending decision.
  - cortesoft 3y ago
    Sounds like this was a bad friend. If it wasnt the loan, it would have been something else.
    - garyrob 3y ago
      Absolutely! But I didn't know that at the time of the loan. It turned out it was a test of character, a test whose results were demonstrated when he eventually spent a year in prison.
jasonwatkinspdx 3y ago
When you lend money to a friend consider it a gift and if it is returned it's a happy surprise. Otherwise say no.

It may be obvious, but it's still worth stating! I loaned $1000 to a friend in my 20's, and ended up losing both the friendship and the money (though one was not wholly causal of the other).

FpUser 3y ago

I believe this is type of BS pushed by people with the agenda. What kind of friend you are (talking about real friends, not drinking buddies) if you let your friend sink. My friend loaned me $3000 cash when I was at the vet and my dog needed an urgent surgery. And I paid him back and he did not loose money and we did not loose friendship. And later on when I started to make good money I sometimes loaned to friends. One could not pay me back but we did not loose friendship either as he simply had circumstances beyond his control. I just told him consider it a gift.

lolinder 3y ago
What sort of agenda do you imagine people have? That you had a good experience with a friendly loan doesn't discount the bad experiences of thousands of people who did lose their friendships. We've given money to friends on multiple occasions to pay for medical bills, groceries, and the like, but every time I've entered a reciprocal business arrangement with friends or family (be that a loan or a paid work arrangement), I've regretted it immensely.
- FpUser 3y ago
  Everyone's situation is different. The fact that you've regretted it means zilch for somebody else. Maybe it is you an the type of friends / family you have. I helped my daughter few times and did not think one second about it. No regrets. You can not and should not generalize a particular situation.
  - vacuity 3y ago
    You're also generalizing though. The point is that either outcome could happen and you should be mindful of that. If you specifically never have an issue like that, good for you! But other people have been burned, and it's not any more valid for you to dismiss their experience.
ensignavenger 3y ago
I don't think accusing folks of having an "agenda" is a productive argument. I do think some of the rest of your post is valuable. I have both loaned money and borrowed from, at various points in my life, friends and family. When lending, I have always looked at it as 1) A way to see how reliable my friend/family really was. 2) A sort of 'gift" - knowing full well they may not repay- thus I only loan what I am willing to lose. There have been times when I have lost more money than I would have liked to, but I knew it was a possibility going in, and thus I did not lose the friendship. I just know that at that point in time, the person I loaned to was not as reliable as I had hoped, and I know to be cautious in the future. There have been many great business deals conducted between friends. If we decide not to do business with our friends because it is possible that the deal will go sour, we are left doing business with strangers, and we lose a lot of potential opportunities, not just to improve finances, but also to strengthen relationships.
josefx 3y ago
> And I paid him back and he did not loose money and we did not loose friendship. You know all this talk about friendship, but you still mention "And I paid him back" in the same breath as "did not loose friendship". Sometimes you have to deal with the fact that you will never see the money again over such trivial things as a thoroughly mismanaged business venture.

dboreham 3y ago

If you do this, always call it a gift. Perhaps the friend becomes rich and pays you back but usually not.

cortesoft 3y ago

I loaned $2000 to a close friend in my 20s. He never paid me back, so when he got married I just told him to think of it as an early wedding present. The friendship was (and still is) worth a lot more than $2000 to me.

garyrob 3y ago
That's great. In my case, the person said he needed the money because of a rent payment deadline, but then something else happened such that he could make the deadline anyway, so he spent the money I'd lent him on jewelry for his girlfriend, with no regard for the reason I lent it to him. I lent it to him because of what I thought was a need, and then he used it merely to pamper his GF, and made no motion toward paying me back. Later in his life he went to prison for a year (for unrelated reasons). I think the positive experiences people are presenting are great. I don't think the Hamlet quote is remotely a hard-and-fast rule, but it does embody a principle that is worth stating, and which can be useful food for thought in making a lending decision.
- cortesoft 3y ago
  Sounds like this was a bad friend. If it wasnt the loan, it would have been something else.
  - garyrob 3y ago
    Absolutely! But I didn't know that at the time of the loan. It turned out it was a test of character, a test whose results were demonstrated when he eventually spent a year in prison.

jasonwatkinspdx 3y ago

When you lend money to a friend consider it a gift and if it is returned it's a happy surprise. Otherwise say no.