4 ms·
It comes down to cultural norms, really. Where I am, a plain brusque "Do this" is rude. You act that way to people you really dislike. So the social interactio
by habinero 3y ago
It comes down to cultural norms, really. Where I am, a plain brusque "Do this" is rude. You act that way to people you really dislike.
So the social interaction is you come up to me and are deliberately hostile and then order me to do something. That's what you do to an employee you dislike and wish would quit.
Obviously I'm capable of understanding different people communicate differently, and I can deal, but that's always the initial reaction I'm going to have.
In my experience, the disconnect in this thread comes from three things:
1. Different cultures. What's rude in California might not be in Finland.
2. Autistic people vs neurotypical. Autistic people don't see the underlying message of (I hate you, please quit) underlying the surface "Do this" conversation.
And they (understandingly!) feel excluded and gaslit and frustrated. The solution there is for everyone to understand and work around the disconnect.
3. Antisocial HN nerds. There's always a few here who clearly don't care about other people and view them as things to be used and discarded. Other people aren't worth any effort.
- brandensilva 3y agoSo does everything have to be phrased as a question for you to feel better about a request? Aka "Hey Jim, can you tackle this issue?"
- habinero 3y agoThat would be a neutral way to phrase it, yep. It's less about the wording than the information it conveys, that you respect someone enough to talk to them politely and make the effort. If it's hard to see the difference, would it make sense if I made an analogy? Your girlfriend texts you "call me? :)" vs. "Call me." One is clearly flirty and in a good mood and the other could be angry? upset? urgent? The extra punctuation conveys information about how that person feels.
- habinero 3y agoActually, I did something there without thinking about it. I said "If X, would it be helpful if I did Y?" because I'm about to explain something basic and I don't want to sound condescending and treat you like you're stupid. "If it's hard to see the difference" = "It seems like this might be true, but I don't want to assume that. This way I give us both an out if I misjudged something and I'm accidentally being condescending." "would it be helpful if I" - "I am trying to be helpful and not fight and so I am offering this as a question, so you have the freedom to ask for clarification or to discount it if it's not helpful" It's less about the words and more about the "I am trying to be helpful and avoid sounding like I think you're dumb, which I do not" meaning.