4 ms·

Or. “It’s OK i’ll take out the trash”

yCombLinks 3y ago
That makes me so mad! Just put down a checklist and I'll gladly do it! Not sure why emotional manipulation needs to happen!
- bibabaloo 3y ago
  The subtext here is probably that the asking person doesn't _want_ to be commanding, much less making checklists. :)
- abenga 3y ago
  In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. In the more general "team at work" case, it's also straightforward, sit together, define the bucket of work that needs doing, distribute it "fairly", and go do it. The team leader's job is to get and communicate outside stakeholders' needs + the wider org context, not to give marching orders.
  - yCombLinks 3y ago
    That's just not how I view it. Here's the rule. Check if the garbage needs to go out every afternoon. Absolutely fine. Vs remember if this matters -> torture! I can work 100% of the time to make sure the clearly set out objectives are met without complaint. Once it becomes subjective, I would rather not be involved.
    - growingkittens 3y ago
      I think their point was "why does someone else have to make the checklist for you?" > Once it becomes subjective Relationships are subjective. It takes a collaborative effort to make them objective. Subjective is the default mode.
  - danparsonson 3y ago
    > In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. Absolutely agree with this but then the adult thing to do is not to attempt to manipulate the partner into doing the work but either a) fix the situation directly if it's a one-off (asking, "would you take out the garbage?" or else just doing it), or b) if there is a pattern of unfair division of labour in the relationship, raise it, discuss it honestly and with intent to find a fair solution, and resolve it.

That makes me so mad! Just put down a checklist and I'll gladly do it! Not sure why emotional manipulation needs to happen!

bibabaloo 3y ago
The subtext here is probably that the asking person doesn't _want_ to be commanding, much less making checklists. :)
abenga 3y ago
In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. In the more general "team at work" case, it's also straightforward, sit together, define the bucket of work that needs doing, distribute it "fairly", and go do it. The team leader's job is to get and communicate outside stakeholders' needs + the wider org context, not to give marching orders.
- yCombLinks 3y ago
  That's just not how I view it. Here's the rule. Check if the garbage needs to go out every afternoon. Absolutely fine. Vs remember if this matters -> torture! I can work 100% of the time to make sure the clearly set out objectives are met without complaint. Once it becomes subjective, I would rather not be involved.
  - growingkittens 3y ago
    I think their point was "why does someone else have to make the checklist for you?" > Once it becomes subjective Relationships are subjective. It takes a collaborative effort to make them objective. Subjective is the default mode.
- danparsonson 3y ago
  > In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. Absolutely agree with this but then the adult thing to do is not to attempt to manipulate the partner into doing the work but either a) fix the situation directly if it's a one-off (asking, "would you take out the garbage?" or else just doing it), or b) if there is a pattern of unfair division of labour in the relationship, raise it, discuss it honestly and with intent to find a fair solution, and resolve it.