4 ms·

Here's how my wife does it... "Do you want to take out the trash?" My engineer mind interprets it literally every time :) Usually I don't mind taking out the

Here's how my wife does it... "Do you want to take out the trash?" My engineer mind interprets it literally every time :) Usually I don't mind taking out the trash... but occasionally I don't really want to. I have to always translate this to "She wants me to take out the trash".

docandrew 3y ago
There’s a funny comedy bit about the passive-aggressive phrasing “we need to <take out the trash, clean up the yard, etc>”. “Is that a _he_ need, or a _she_ need?” Who’s we in this scenario?
User23 3y ago
“No.”
- quickthrower2 3y ago
  Is the answer from those not yet brainwashed. Aka kids!
amatecha 3y ago
Yeah, sometimes I respond to those like "well, no, I don't want to, but I will if you'd like". haha :)
quickthrower2 3y ago
Or. “It’s OK i’ll take out the trash”
- yCombLinks 3y ago
  That makes me so mad! Just put down a checklist and I'll gladly do it! Not sure why emotional manipulation needs to happen!
  - bibabaloo 3y ago
    The subtext here is probably that the asking person doesn't _want_ to be commanding, much less making checklists. :)
  - abenga 3y ago
    In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. In the more general "team at work" case, it's also straightforward, sit together, define the bucket of work that needs doing, distribute it "fairly", and go do it. The team leader's job is to get and communicate outside stakeholders' needs + the wider org context, not to give marching orders.
    - yCombLinks 3y ago
      That's just not how I view it. Here's the rule. Check if the garbage needs to go out every afternoon. Absolutely fine. Vs remember if this matters -> torture! I can work 100% of the time to make sure the clearly set out objectives are met without complaint. Once it becomes subjective, I would rather not be involved.
      - growingkittens 3y ago
        I think their point was "why does someone else have to make the checklist for you?" > Once it becomes subjective Relationships are subjective. It takes a collaborative effort to make them objective. Subjective is the default mode.
    - danparsonson 3y ago
      > In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. Absolutely agree with this but then the adult thing to do is not to attempt to manipulate the partner into doing the work but either a) fix the situation directly if it's a one-off (asking, "would you take out the garbage?" or else just doing it), or b) if there is a pattern of unfair division of labour in the relationship, raise it, discuss it honestly and with intent to find a fair solution, and resolve it.
ndespres 3y ago
What she truly wants is for you to notice that it’s full and to take it out without being asked.
jancsika 3y ago
Upshot: you are supposed to take out the trash using a realtime scheduler, and the common question means you have missed many deadlines! It's as if you are forcing your spouse to somehow smell a janky web page.
- Paul-Craft 3y ago
  Of course, you only got into the situation where you're supposed to take out the trash with some fancy realtime scheduler because the impulse to spend 6 hours automating a 15 second task was too strong to resist....
  - jancsika 3y ago
    You get into the situation because, in a relationship, a stench that lasts past a hard limit will get associated with a lot more than the garbage.
gnicholas 3y ago
Weird, people usually talk favorably about garbage collection on HN.
- chrsig 3y ago
  Well, it's usually something the environment does for us, not that we do for the environment :)
- vacuity 3y ago
  As a member of the Rust Evangelism Strike Force, please point me to these people so we can have a, ahem, civil conversation. /garfield

docandrew 3y ago

There’s a funny comedy bit about the passive-aggressive phrasing “we need to <take out the trash, clean up the yard, etc>”. “Is that a _he_ need, or a _she_ need?” Who’s we in this scenario?

User23 3y ago

“No.”

quickthrower2 3y ago
Is the answer from those not yet brainwashed. Aka kids!

amatecha 3y ago

Yeah, sometimes I respond to those like "well, no, I don't want to, but I will if you'd like". haha :)

quickthrower2 3y ago

Or. “It’s OK i’ll take out the trash”

yCombLinks 3y ago
That makes me so mad! Just put down a checklist and I'll gladly do it! Not sure why emotional manipulation needs to happen!
- bibabaloo 3y ago
  The subtext here is probably that the asking person doesn't _want_ to be commanding, much less making checklists. :)
- abenga 3y ago
  In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. In the more general "team at work" case, it's also straightforward, sit together, define the bucket of work that needs doing, distribute it "fairly", and go do it. The team leader's job is to get and communicate outside stakeholders' needs + the wider org context, not to give marching orders.
  - yCombLinks 3y ago
    That's just not how I view it. Here's the rule. Check if the garbage needs to go out every afternoon. Absolutely fine. Vs remember if this matters -> torture! I can work 100% of the time to make sure the clearly set out objectives are met without complaint. Once it becomes subjective, I would rather not be involved.
    - growingkittens 3y ago
      I think their point was "why does someone else have to make the checklist for you?" > Once it becomes subjective Relationships are subjective. It takes a collaborative effort to make them objective. Subjective is the default mode.
  - danparsonson 3y ago
    > In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. Absolutely agree with this but then the adult thing to do is not to attempt to manipulate the partner into doing the work but either a) fix the situation directly if it's a one-off (asking, "would you take out the garbage?" or else just doing it), or b) if there is a pattern of unfair division of labour in the relationship, raise it, discuss it honestly and with intent to find a fair solution, and resolve it.

ndespres 3y ago

What she truly wants is for you to notice that it’s full and to take it out without being asked.

jancsika 3y ago

Upshot: you are supposed to take out the trash using a realtime scheduler, and the common question means you have missed many deadlines! It's as if you are forcing your spouse to somehow smell a janky web page.

Paul-Craft 3y ago
Of course, you only got into the situation where you're supposed to take out the trash with some fancy realtime scheduler because the impulse to spend 6 hours automating a 15 second task was too strong to resist....
- jancsika 3y ago
  You get into the situation because, in a relationship, a stench that lasts past a hard limit will get associated with a lot more than the garbage.

gnicholas 3y ago

Weird, people usually talk favorably about garbage collection on HN.

chrsig 3y ago
Well, it's usually something the environment does for us, not that we do for the environment :)
vacuity 3y ago
As a member of the Rust Evangelism Strike Force, please point me to these people so we can have a, ahem, civil conversation. /garfield