In this thread I feel like I'm among my people. This year is the one where I've been reflecting. Over the past N years of being focused on self-improvement and

In this thread I feel like I'm among my people. This year is the one where I've been reflecting. Over the past N years of being focused on self-improvement and perfectionism and a self-evaluation/grind/progress loop in quantifiable fields (code, research, combat sports, exercise), in an ugly twist, led to sort of entitlement or an implicit expectation of rewards from the interpersonal domain. Echoing exactly what others above me have said, "if I'm good enough, do xyz well enough, people will have no choice but to like me and love me." Turns out that the parts of _myself_ I admire when it comes to my pursuit of "things" are not at all what people like about me. Things, you can pursue - if you want to get good at C++, C++ has no choice in the matter, right? It's up to your own grit and determination. C++ can't reject you if you learn it well enough. People? People like each other for unknowable, unmeasurable reasons and I need to understand more of how, not just that interpersonal is "out of my hands", but specifically treating interpersonal relationships as "things to improve on" is counterproductive, pushes it farther away. Have you ever heard the expression "if you stop chasing things so hard, you'll get them?" When it comes to things, bullshit; the best in their field are the ones who chase it the hardest. But maybe when it comes to people, it's actually true...