9 ms·

This post caught my attention because recently I met a woman I really admire. She dropped out of her computer engineering class, took a vow of celibacy and pov

by vivekd 3y ago

This post caught my attention because recently I met a woman I really admire. She dropped out of her computer engineering class, took a vow of celibacy and poverty and became a missionary with a Catholic sect. The reason I admire her isn't that. What caught my attention about her is that she has a sense of purpose. She has a purpose in life and has devoted her life to it. I used to have one. My goal was to make the legal system cheaper and more accessible. And I devoted the last decade of my life to that. Now that's fallen apart and I'm a little lost and it hurts me alot. I hope I'll find a purpose soon. That's what I'm passionate about right now, finding a new purpose or a new way to accomplish my past purpose.

chadk 3y ago
Thanks for your honest answer. Finding purpose is a pretty good passion
kylebenzle 3y ago
If you are into the legal system issues right now I am passionate about fathers rights and its been a huge outlet for me. SO many kids and fathers are desperate for help and 50/50 shared parenting is a admirable and achievable goal. [1] https://www.sharedparenting.org/ https://www.sharedparenting.org/
lewisjoe 3y ago
I worked with a founder who had the same vision. Democratising legal industry using tech. It was my first job after college and was fun building a contract negotiation platform, document assembling API, etc. Learnt a lot but had to leave because something was missing & it wasn't working out. The person who I worked with has the same name signature as yours: vivek durai
- serialNumber 3y ago
  Would be incredible if it was the same person
  - the_common_man 3y ago
    It obviously is
m463 3y ago
It would be nice to have a legal wiki. Maybe not to represent yourself ("anyone who represents himself has a fool for a client") but maybe useful stuff. For example, in california, you have certain online privacy rights you can exercise, and it would be nice to have a form letter to enumerate and exercise those rights. or how to fight a parking ticket, etc.
- justanotherjoe 3y ago
  what i find stupid is that you can represent yourself, but you cant have your non lawywr friend represent you. Despite one being better than the other.
  - SnootyMonkey 3y ago
    This is an example of regulatory capture. In this case, by the legal profession. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regulatory_capture https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regulatory_capture
  - shalmanese 3y ago
    Not stupid at all! There are many things I help others do that I explicitly want others to do if it were me. eg: I am really good at helping other people build websites but every personal website I have tried to build, I've floundered at until I've brought in outside help. I assume lawyers have figured out it works the same way as the common saying goes "Any lawyer that represents himself has a fool for a client".
    - justanotherjoe 3y ago
      I think we're in approval, no? But in lawyering, people need defending cause they can't defend themselves. It's not preference, it's a need. "There is nothing more annoying than when you think someone is wrong, but they think they are right". And here's the interesting part, it doesn't matter if you're actually right. This is why people need someone defending them. Cause the resulting optics from defending yourselves, coming off as ignorant, unrepentant, or downright evil, is so destructive. Ofc it's even worse cause it often is the case that you are wrong, but still needs defending for lighter sentence (which you deserve, in truth). YOu can't do this on your own. Tangential, but this is also why employees don't come to their manager to tell about all their small accomplishments and deeds that they think are underappreciated. You just simply can't testify for yourselves. Especially if you have some dirt on you, and who doesn't? We dont promote ourselves cause we know instinctively it will be received poorly. AND IT WILL. But if other employees go to the manager and say things they appreciate of you, then it's suddenly okay. If people catch on to this, we'll have a more healthier workplace.
Obscurity4340 3y ago
You should talk with AI Judge guy, wehad an interesting chat about similar things (sort of). Check my history
t0bia_s 3y ago
Why is it fallen apart?
dendrite9 3y ago
Not that I find this person's path admirable, although I don't know enough about his personal life to feel comfortable saying much more than that. But you might be interested in reading about this one time wold class climber who left his life to join a monastery and become a priest. And then left that and returned to climbing recently. His story doesn't resonate with me, but there might be something to it that grasps you. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/crack-of-destiny-conquered-1.6910679 https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/crack-of-des...
- throw1234651234 3y ago
  It's very difficult to have a real purpose. This is more of an escapist abstraction, which is what people realize eventually.
shyn3 3y ago
Don't be too dismayed. They get a credit card with an unlimited spending account. Also, see my post history about acts. It may help you see the trees instead of the forest.
oulu2006 3y ago
I hope you find it as well, thank you for sharing...it can be quite soul crushing when you loose something that gives you a strong sense of identity.
jll29 3y ago
> She dropped out of her computer engineering class, took a vow of celibacy and poverty and became a missionary with a Catholic sect. It seems the only way to make HN even better is to bring in people that HNers admirer and to interview them on here. Speaking of nuns, I know two cases of admirable women (one English and one French), who left their studies (and one also left her then-fiancee) to live and serve in a religious order. At least in one case no-one could have predicted that, least the (MIT-educated) brain researcher fiancee.
blablabla123 3y ago
It definitely makes a lot of easier when having a purpose. On the other hand tying the own identity that close to one thing is the equivalent of putting all eggs in one basket.
Dowwie 3y ago
Time and new life experiences will mend some of your wounds. I had to give up my life's work and its mission. People often talk about regret of not trying, and there's a less-discussed painful experience of not accomplishing a mission. If you'd like to connect, please reach out.
_DeadFred_ 3y ago
Hey I fell into this, only I tried to improve the health care industry and it fell apart over a decade ago. My tip, be a good person, don't let other people change you. Bring kindness to the world. You aren't god, you're vivekd, which is actually much harder to be. You aren't all powerful, yet your mind can comprehend so much beyond your reach. Read some Sun Tzu, only fight the battles (including those in your head) that are winnable (I.E. the outcome is worthy of the energy). Be a good person. Stand up for others. Give up political dogma, emotional mastrubation, and just be human. My grandfather spent his whole live advocating for better mental health care in a midwest state. Just hitting a brick wall. But he was content, he did what he could do, and what he felt he must.
em-bee 3y ago
i believe that the purpose of humanity itself is to advance our civilization. that suggests that everyone should contribute to that, which further implies that every contribution matters, no matter how small. you tried something, and it failed. that's fine. ideally others have an opportunity to learn from that, but even if not, at least you learned something, and you can use that learning for your future. the goal is not to create the greatest possible impact, but to learn and make the most of the resources available to you. it could be something small like if you are a lawyer having one out of ten clients pro-bono or for a very low rate for people who could not afford a lawyer otherwise. find an area/place/people that need help, and then help them.
shalmanese 3y ago
> And I devoted the last decade of my life to that. Now that's fallen apart and I'm a little lost and it hurts me alot. You have no contact in your bio but I've run into this with founders a lot and you need to recognize that what you're going through is a period of grief and mourning. I recommend you look up some books on how grief is processed in breakups or deaths and see if you find points of similarity. Kubler-Ross' "On Death and Dying" is a classic place to start, it's where the "five stages of grief" model was first introduced. Her version of it is a lot more complex than the pop culture, linear understanding that most people have. She mostly talks about the interplay between the five stages and how we ping pong back and forth in interesting ways. Also, FWIW, I've found ChatGPT a remarkably efficient tool to "read" books in an area you're totally unfamiliar with and want a quick download. You start by asking it to give you a broad overview of a book/set of books and then dive into the areas you find the most interesting until you arrive at an actionable framework.
- rexpop 3y ago
  The year is 2024, and I've just read somerhing like the following comment online: "Sounds like you're going through a period of grief and mourning. I've found computers to be a remarkably efficient prosthetic replacement for processing meaningful experiences with other real, live people." It just breaks my heart, and fills me with despair, to see opportunities for human connection so giddily elided. Radio and television were bad enough. Social media has been bad enough. Now we're selling out the last bastions of compassion—grief and mourning—to be mediated by cynical corporate silicon golems? This is the psychosocial equivalent of a catheter and feeding tube. This is an induced social coma. The wo/man is grieving, for heaven's sake! My advice would be to go have coffee with someone who has read the book! A real live flesh and blood someone. Several such someones! Possibly an entire group or congregation of mourners. We, the grieving, would really appreciate you dropping by.
  - shalmanese 3y ago
    The books will tell you to do all that! They're not ready for me to tell them that, they need to be guided on the path to the path to the path.
altdataseller 3y ago
Can you tell me more about how you went about trying to make the legal system cheaper?

by vivekd 3y ago

chadk 3y ago

Thanks for your honest answer. Finding purpose is a pretty good passion

kylebenzle 3y ago

If you are into the legal system issues right now I am passionate about fathers rights and its been a huge outlet for me. SO many kids and fathers are desperate for help and 50/50 shared parenting is a admirable and achievable goal. [1] https://www.sharedparenting.org/ https://www.sharedparenting.org/

lewisjoe 3y ago

I worked with a founder who had the same vision. Democratising legal industry using tech. It was my first job after college and was fun building a contract negotiation platform, document assembling API, etc. Learnt a lot but had to leave because something was missing & it wasn't working out. The person who I worked with has the same name signature as yours: vivek durai

serialNumber 3y ago
Would be incredible if it was the same person
- the_common_man 3y ago
  It obviously is

m463 3y ago

It would be nice to have a legal wiki. Maybe not to represent yourself ("anyone who represents himself has a fool for a client") but maybe useful stuff. For example, in california, you have certain online privacy rights you can exercise, and it would be nice to have a form letter to enumerate and exercise those rights. or how to fight a parking ticket, etc.

justanotherjoe 3y ago
what i find stupid is that you can represent yourself, but you cant have your non lawywr friend represent you. Despite one being better than the other.
- SnootyMonkey 3y ago
  This is an example of regulatory capture. In this case, by the legal profession. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regulatory_capture https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regulatory_capture
- shalmanese 3y ago
  Not stupid at all! There are many things I help others do that I explicitly want others to do if it were me. eg: I am really good at helping other people build websites but every personal website I have tried to build, I've floundered at until I've brought in outside help. I assume lawyers have figured out it works the same way as the common saying goes "Any lawyer that represents himself has a fool for a client".
  - justanotherjoe 3y ago
    I think we're in approval, no? But in lawyering, people need defending cause they can't defend themselves. It's not preference, it's a need. "There is nothing more annoying than when you think someone is wrong, but they think they are right". And here's the interesting part, it doesn't matter if you're actually right. This is why people need someone defending them. Cause the resulting optics from defending yourselves, coming off as ignorant, unrepentant, or downright evil, is so destructive. Ofc it's even worse cause it often is the case that you are wrong, but still needs defending for lighter sentence (which you deserve, in truth). YOu can't do this on your own. Tangential, but this is also why employees don't come to their manager to tell about all their small accomplishments and deeds that they think are underappreciated. You just simply can't testify for yourselves. Especially if you have some dirt on you, and who doesn't? We dont promote ourselves cause we know instinctively it will be received poorly. AND IT WILL. But if other employees go to the manager and say things they appreciate of you, then it's suddenly okay. If people catch on to this, we'll have a more healthier workplace.

Obscurity4340 3y ago

You should talk with AI Judge guy, wehad an interesting chat about similar things (sort of). Check my history

t0bia_s 3y ago

Why is it fallen apart?

dendrite9 3y ago

Not that I find this person's path admirable, although I don't know enough about his personal life to feel comfortable saying much more than that. But you might be interested in reading about this one time wold class climber who left his life to join a monastery and become a priest. And then left that and returned to climbing recently. His story doesn't resonate with me, but there might be something to it that grasps you. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/crack-of-destiny-conquered-1.6910679 https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/crack-of-des...

throw1234651234 3y ago
It's very difficult to have a real purpose. This is more of an escapist abstraction, which is what people realize eventually.

shyn3 3y ago

Don't be too dismayed. They get a credit card with an unlimited spending account. Also, see my post history about acts. It may help you see the trees instead of the forest.

oulu2006 3y ago

I hope you find it as well, thank you for sharing...it can be quite soul crushing when you loose something that gives you a strong sense of identity.

jll29 3y ago

> She dropped out of her computer engineering class, took a vow of celibacy and poverty and became a missionary with a Catholic sect. It seems the only way to make HN even better is to bring in people that HNers admirer and to interview them on here. Speaking of nuns, I know two cases of admirable women (one English and one French), who left their studies (and one also left her then-fiancee) to live and serve in a religious order. At least in one case no-one could have predicted that, least the (MIT-educated) brain researcher fiancee.

blablabla123 3y ago

It definitely makes a lot of easier when having a purpose. On the other hand tying the own identity that close to one thing is the equivalent of putting all eggs in one basket.

Dowwie 3y ago

Time and new life experiences will mend some of your wounds. I had to give up my life's work and its mission. People often talk about regret of not trying, and there's a less-discussed painful experience of not accomplishing a mission. If you'd like to connect, please reach out.

_DeadFred_ 3y ago

Hey I fell into this, only I tried to improve the health care industry and it fell apart over a decade ago. My tip, be a good person, don't let other people change you. Bring kindness to the world. You aren't god, you're vivekd, which is actually much harder to be. You aren't all powerful, yet your mind can comprehend so much beyond your reach. Read some Sun Tzu, only fight the battles (including those in your head) that are winnable (I.E. the outcome is worthy of the energy). Be a good person. Stand up for others. Give up political dogma, emotional mastrubation, and just be human. My grandfather spent his whole live advocating for better mental health care in a midwest state. Just hitting a brick wall. But he was content, he did what he could do, and what he felt he must.

em-bee 3y ago

i believe that the purpose of humanity itself is to advance our civilization. that suggests that everyone should contribute to that, which further implies that every contribution matters, no matter how small. you tried something, and it failed. that's fine. ideally others have an opportunity to learn from that, but even if not, at least you learned something, and you can use that learning for your future. the goal is not to create the greatest possible impact, but to learn and make the most of the resources available to you. it could be something small like if you are a lawyer having one out of ten clients pro-bono or for a very low rate for people who could not afford a lawyer otherwise. find an area/place/people that need help, and then help them.

shalmanese 3y ago

> And I devoted the last decade of my life to that. Now that's fallen apart and I'm a little lost and it hurts me alot. You have no contact in your bio but I've run into this with founders a lot and you need to recognize that what you're going through is a period of grief and mourning. I recommend you look up some books on how grief is processed in breakups or deaths and see if you find points of similarity. Kubler-Ross' "On Death and Dying" is a classic place to start, it's where the "five stages of grief" model was first introduced. Her version of it is a lot more complex than the pop culture, linear understanding that most people have. She mostly talks about the interplay between the five stages and how we ping pong back and forth in interesting ways. Also, FWIW, I've found ChatGPT a remarkably efficient tool to "read" books in an area you're totally unfamiliar with and want a quick download. You start by asking it to give you a broad overview of a book/set of books and then dive into the areas you find the most interesting until you arrive at an actionable framework.

rexpop 3y ago
The year is 2024, and I've just read somerhing like the following comment online: "Sounds like you're going through a period of grief and mourning. I've found computers to be a remarkably efficient prosthetic replacement for processing meaningful experiences with other real, live people." It just breaks my heart, and fills me with despair, to see opportunities for human connection so giddily elided. Radio and television were bad enough. Social media has been bad enough. Now we're selling out the last bastions of compassion—grief and mourning—to be mediated by cynical corporate silicon golems? This is the psychosocial equivalent of a catheter and feeding tube. This is an induced social coma. The wo/man is grieving, for heaven's sake! My advice would be to go have coffee with someone who has read the book! A real live flesh and blood someone. Several such someones! Possibly an entire group or congregation of mourners. We, the grieving, would really appreciate you dropping by.
- shalmanese 3y ago
  The books will tell you to do all that! They're not ready for me to tell them that, they need to be guided on the path to the path to the path.

altdataseller 3y ago

Can you tell me more about how you went about trying to make the legal system cheaper?