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Imagine the following conversation between a (heterosexual) married couple: Husband: "Hey honey, I'm going over a friend's house and we're going to hang out on

by drblast 15y ago

Imagine the following conversation between a (heterosexual) married couple: Husband: "Hey honey, I'm going over a friend's house and we're going to hang out on the couch and watch the game." Wife: "OK! See you in a few hours. What's your friend's name?" And tell me with a straight face that it makes no difference if the husband says "Bob," or "Sally." The problem with opposite sex friendships is that even with the best of intentions, they won't survive when one of you is in a long term sexual relationship. And deep down, you both know that.

Groxx 15y ago
None. Zero. My wife has quite a few close male friends, and I feel absolutely no threat from any of them. She's a snuggler, and semi-consciously leans on anyone in the vicinity when we're all around watching a movie or something. Usually that's me, but not always. Why should I feel threatened about this? This relationship isn't a game to be won, and they aren't my competitors.
- drblast 15y ago
  Scenario #2: You and your wife have a big argument. She storms out of the house, and says either: A. "I'm going to go hang out and watch a movie alone with Dave." B. "I'm going to go hang out and watch a movie alone with Sally." Still, no difference? I get that people can be open-minded and trusting, but I think there are some basic things that most people just don't do. And those things have everything to do with the underlying assumptions about the relationship between a man and a woman. Sure, there are exceptions. But in general, there are more problems with platonic opposite sex friendships than same sex, and I think there always will be because of the scenarios I've mentioned.
  - Groxx 15y ago
    No difference. A. Fights happen. And they're very very different than a divorce. We're not together just for sex, or just because we never fight. B. I trust my wife. C. We've had fights, she's gone to male friends to cool off. They have helped. What, don't you trust your friends? (edit: of which a wife should be one)
wpietri 15y ago
And your basis for generalizing sweepingly about all of humanity is...
prof_hobart 15y ago
That's pretty much the conversation I've have with my wife every other week for the past 5+ years. I watch my local soccer team with a female friend (she's both the ex-wife of an old school friend of mine, and an old college friend of my wife's). We all used to go together to watch them, but since my daughter's been born my wife tends to stay at home with her, so it's usually just me and Helen now. Admittedly we're not watching it on the sofa, we're at the ground. But we often meet up at her house before the game - she lives about 5 minutes from the ground - and my wife's got no actual way of knowing that we're not staying there for the entire game. At no point has she ever expressed the slightest concern that we're up to anything. We've been friends for over 20 years now (starting with her in a relationship, then both of us in relationships, now me in a relationship) and it's never been anything other than the sort of platonic friendship that I have with male friends.

by drblast 15y ago

Groxx 15y ago

None. Zero. My wife has quite a few close male friends, and I feel absolutely no threat from any of them. She's a snuggler, and semi-consciously leans on anyone in the vicinity when we're all around watching a movie or something. Usually that's me, but not always. Why should I feel threatened about this? This relationship isn't a game to be won, and they aren't my competitors.

drblast 15y ago
Scenario #2: You and your wife have a big argument. She storms out of the house, and says either: A. "I'm going to go hang out and watch a movie alone with Dave." B. "I'm going to go hang out and watch a movie alone with Sally." Still, no difference? I get that people can be open-minded and trusting, but I think there are some basic things that most people just don't do. And those things have everything to do with the underlying assumptions about the relationship between a man and a woman. Sure, there are exceptions. But in general, there are more problems with platonic opposite sex friendships than same sex, and I think there always will be because of the scenarios I've mentioned.
- Groxx 15y ago
  No difference. A. Fights happen. And they're very very different than a divorce. We're not together just for sex, or just because we never fight. B. I trust my wife. C. We've had fights, she's gone to male friends to cool off. They have helped. What, don't you trust your friends? (edit: of which a wife should be one)

wpietri 15y ago

And your basis for generalizing sweepingly about all of humanity is...

prof_hobart 15y ago

That's pretty much the conversation I've have with my wife every other week for the past 5+ years. I watch my local soccer team with a female friend (she's both the ex-wife of an old school friend of mine, and an old college friend of my wife's). We all used to go together to watch them, but since my daughter's been born my wife tends to stay at home with her, so it's usually just me and Helen now. Admittedly we're not watching it on the sofa, we're at the ground. But we often meet up at her house before the game - she lives about 5 minutes from the ground - and my wife's got no actual way of knowing that we're not staying there for the entire game. At no point has she ever expressed the slightest concern that we're up to anything. We've been friends for over 20 years now (starting with her in a relationship, then both of us in relationships, now me in a relationship) and it's never been anything other than the sort of platonic friendship that I have with male friends.