I think you're right that there is definitional question here. I think it's right to state that adults are responsible because children are physiologically inca

I think you're right that there is definitional question here. I think it's right to state that adults are responsible because children are physiologically incapable of taking responsibility for themselves. I think it's right to observe that harm has been done when harm has in fact been done. The question of "guilt" or "judgement" is more complicated, as you say. Where many people go wrong is that they automatically jump from harm + responsibility towards guilt. That's how you end up with articles like these where the author feels like he has to choose between anger towards his teachers and thanking them because they tried their best. That's a false dichotomy if I have ever seen one. A teacher who traumatizes a child isn't that different from a surgeon who botches a surgery. It doesn't mean the surgeon is a terrible person but neither does it mean you have to be thankful to the surgeon because he tried and because he operated successfully on other people.