> What if spite, anger is a shield that protects you from seeing yourself properly? If you're using spite as a shield for something like this, then it makes se

> What if spite, anger is a shield that protects you from seeing yourself properly? If you're using spite as a shield for something like this, then it makes sense that it would be a scary idea to get rid of that defense mechanism. If that truly helps you and doesn't hurt you, I imagine that might be okay. But then you continue with the fact that you can't look at yourself in the mirror. That shows that this coping strategy may not be working as well as you think it is. Your mental baggage of your past might be doing more than just giving you anger/hatred toward those around you -- your inner hate might also be fueled by it. I would suggest you seriously consider talking with a therapist about this. A good one will help you acknowledge your past and hopefully move past your dislike of yourself, but also won't say what happened to you is okay or make you forgive anyone. > means I cannot blame everyone for my problems any more I once read that forgiveness is not a goal, but a possible side effect of healing. This really helped me put things in perspective. Basically, if you aren't at peace with yourself, blaming other people only goes so far. Once you have found stronger inner peace, forgiveness comes for free (or it doesn't, which is also okay).