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I think this article is written (and this question is asked) from a very American point of view. Having grown up in another culture but spent a significant part

by ajays 15y ago

I think this article is written (and this question is asked) from a very American point of view. Having grown up in another culture but spent a significant part of my life in the US, I've come to the conclusion that there's a bit too much sexual tension in this culture; as if the underlying desires are being repressed, and thus could burst out any time there's an opportunity (like, say, being friends with the opposite sex). For me, sex and friendship are different dimensions. I can have sex with someone I'm not interested in being friends with. I can be friends with someone I'm not interesting in having sex with. My long-term relationships, of course, have always been with someone with high values in both dimensions. And I'm still very good friends with several of my exes, who have gone on to happy relationships. We stopped the sex part, but the friendship dimension stayed.

TelmoMenezes 15y ago
I thought the same regarding the American point of view. I grew up in Europe. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean, but I think American culture has less tolerance for gray areas in these matters.
- _delirium 15y ago
  I think it varies a lot within Europe. It's changing a bit now, but in southern Europe it's still common to be suspicious of young men and women who are supposedly "not dating" hanging out one-on-one, since everyone assumes something else is going on, or will be going on soon. It can even cause a bit of a scandal if a married man or woman is seen to be regularly associating one-on-one with an opposite-sex friend.
- personlurking 15y ago
  In Brazil, among the youth, there's something called "ficar" (to remain, to stay) which translates to "getting with someone", which in turn can mean anything from kissing to sex. Ficar is something that usually happens more than once, as in you 'stay' with the same person several times. Think of it like a temporary boyfriend/girlfriend, no strings attached. There's also "pegar" (to get or grab) and that is like "ficar" but more physical and usually just once. Among a group of friends, changing around the person with whom you ficar or pegar is quite normal. It's as if they are choosing which shirt to wear for the day. Afterwards, everyone remains friends, just like before. In terms of relationships, one woman told me that it's perfectly normal to get to know someone through 'ficar', as if actually getting to know someone before deciding to kiss them is passé. So take the US workplace example given where there's this repressed feeling going around in regards to sexual tension....well, in Brazil everyone (the youth) is cool with it. There's not even a need to hide it from others. 'It's part of life, let's enjoy it.'
xam 15y ago
I'd agree. The problem with most of America is that it's a prudish culture which shies away from real discussion of sexuality. Health class still champions abstinence, and only a spare few adults will actually talk with children about sexuality. (Namely, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBXl3QWT3LU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBXl3QWT3LU)
StavrosK 15y ago
I'll mention what you imply, that I can be friends with someone and have sex with them. I don't believe "just sex" and friendship are mutually exclusive. To me, only getting deeper feelings/being in love is. I find it perfectly acceptable to be having casual sex with someone and still consider them your friends.
wpietri 15y ago
You're saying that in America sexual desire is repressed? No, never! http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120406234458.htm http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120406234458.ht...
DanielleMolloy 15y ago
Having grown up in Europe (Germany), I am wondering about this article, too. I have many friends of both sexes, with male friends or acquaintances being a majority as a female in computer science.. Should I be careful about finding male friends as soon as I am in the US in a couple of weeks?

by ajays 15y ago

TelmoMenezes 15y ago

I thought the same regarding the American point of view. I grew up in Europe. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean, but I think American culture has less tolerance for gray areas in these matters.

_delirium 15y ago
I think it varies a lot within Europe. It's changing a bit now, but in southern Europe it's still common to be suspicious of young men and women who are supposedly "not dating" hanging out one-on-one, since everyone assumes something else is going on, or will be going on soon. It can even cause a bit of a scandal if a married man or woman is seen to be regularly associating one-on-one with an opposite-sex friend.
personlurking 15y ago
In Brazil, among the youth, there's something called "ficar" (to remain, to stay) which translates to "getting with someone", which in turn can mean anything from kissing to sex. Ficar is something that usually happens more than once, as in you 'stay' with the same person several times. Think of it like a temporary boyfriend/girlfriend, no strings attached. There's also "pegar" (to get or grab) and that is like "ficar" but more physical and usually just once. Among a group of friends, changing around the person with whom you ficar or pegar is quite normal. It's as if they are choosing which shirt to wear for the day. Afterwards, everyone remains friends, just like before. In terms of relationships, one woman told me that it's perfectly normal to get to know someone through 'ficar', as if actually getting to know someone before deciding to kiss them is passé. So take the US workplace example given where there's this repressed feeling going around in regards to sexual tension....well, in Brazil everyone (the youth) is cool with it. There's not even a need to hide it from others. 'It's part of life, let's enjoy it.'

xam 15y ago

I'd agree. The problem with most of America is that it's a prudish culture which shies away from real discussion of sexuality. Health class still champions abstinence, and only a spare few adults will actually talk with children about sexuality. (Namely, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBXl3QWT3LU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBXl3QWT3LU)

StavrosK 15y ago

I'll mention what you imply, that I can be friends with someone and have sex with them. I don't believe "just sex" and friendship are mutually exclusive. To me, only getting deeper feelings/being in love is. I find it perfectly acceptable to be having casual sex with someone and still consider them your friends.

wpietri 15y ago

You're saying that in America sexual desire is repressed? No, never! http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120406234458.htm http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120406234458.ht...

DanielleMolloy 15y ago

Having grown up in Europe (Germany), I am wondering about this article, too. I have many friends of both sexes, with male friends or acquaintances being a majority as a female in computer science.. Should I be careful about finding male friends as soon as I am in the US in a couple of weeks?