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Absolutely agree. Like many HNers I'm sure, I'm guilty of overblown ambitions, both with startups and with life (I get off on big ideas, love the pull of big ci

Absolutely agree. Like many HNers I'm sure, I'm guilty of overblown ambitions, both with startups and with life (I get off on big ideas, love the pull of big cities, love the idea of living a worldly life, etc...) I sat down with my cousin (buddhist) for breakfast when I was visiting him a few weeks ago. He works hard, went through medical school near home, and works at a practice near home. He's married now with 2 awesome kids, a lovely wife, and the four of them spend 5-6 days a week with our grandparents in San Jose. Just a super simple, super family-focused lifestyle. It's something I've mulled over a couple times since then. It always makes me wonder: that's a great fucking life. Why aren't I attracted to living like that too? Am I better off for my ambitions?

carguy1983 15y ago
Your cousin is a successful MD in the SF Bay area with a family, what planet do you live on where this is considered non-high-achieving/non-ambitious? He's basically at the apex of society's status pyramid, that's why he doesn't give a fuck about any of the frivolous crap so many people chase around - he's already achieved his dream and he is probably the envy of many.
- RegEx 15y ago
  > what planet do you live on where this is considered non-high-achieving/non-ambitious? I believe the fact that he doesn't see his cousin as ambitious confirms his self-diagnosed overblown ambition.
- AVTizzle 15y ago
  Hah. You make a good point. And if your question wasn't hypothetical, my satirical answer would be that I live in New York City - a place with sometimes laughably high standards for achievement and ambition. And I mostly agree with you. He is probably the envy of many. Achievement? Sure. But ambition? I thought for a while about how to best explain my whole sentiment on this idea, and my mind kept coming back to an excerpt from PG's "Cities and Ambition", where he lists common areas of ambition: "So far the complete list of messages I've picked up from cities is: wealth, style, hipness, physical attractiveness, fame, political power, economic power, intelligence, social class, and quality of life." It's those kinds of things that I realized my cousin didn't give two shits about. And I admit, there's more than a couple things on that list that I've realized are root desires driving my ambition. Frivolous? Definitely. And I guess that's the basis for my aforementioned wonderings.
  - carguy1983 15y ago
    You aren't thinking this through. A doctor with a successful career is basically one or two steps away from extremely high levels of success/achievement. Think of medical device patents, positions of power on medical associations, university positions, etc. Many people achieve this sort of thing later in life, not during their 20s like some kind of internet media darling. A lot of people actually have kids and do the family BEFORE seeking their large-scale success. This is actually what most people do.
- fingerprinter 15y ago
  Interesting that you would phrase it that way. I was reading this thread and came back to it a few hours later so I saw the 1st follow-up, but not yours. I would say that I'm in a similar boat right now, though I sometimes feel guilty for not chasing the startup. My wife, also a doctor, makes a ton of money. I make quite a bit of money. I like what I do, but it isn't all that fulfilling. However, we have a great family life with our two kids, 4 and 1. I don't think I could trade the family life for the dream of chasing a start-up right now. I've worked in several start-ups and know what it can take and I don't believe I would be willing to do that at this point in my life. Maybe in 10 years, definitely in 20. That being said, I can understand what the other person said about being considered "non-ambitious". Think of it this way, some people (myself included) probably don't measure themselves by normal standards. I measure myself by the Gates' of the world. I've always done that. When I was playing sports, I didn't measure myself against the average or below average players and think "hey, I'm in the top 10% of this division/league/whatever", I would say "there are 10 people better than me and that cannot do". When I walk into the weight room or step onto the basketball court, I want to be considered the best. Not "one of the best", but "the best". So, sometimes when a person like this mentally says they aren't going to go after something but still see others doing it, it it is hard on them in a variety of ways. Honestly, I can say that I feel like I'm going through a mini-midlife crisis realizing that I may well be 40 before I do my next start-up of my own and that is hard to take....even if I KNOW I'm making the best decision for my family, which is more important to me (meaning, I want a healthy marriage, well adjusted, well rounded kids more than I want the gulf stream jet). So, all I'm trying to say is that the people on this board might well be the 1% or the top in their field, but they might also be the ones that only see the people that are better than them or have achieved more and by measuring against those people, they feel "non-ambitious/non-high-achieving".
  - carguy1983 15y ago
    I'm a big fan of keeping a firm, dry grip on reality while chasing after my entrepreneurial dreams. I'm an entrepreneur with a business that is profitable, and with quite large ambitions, and all of that - I know EXACTLY how difficult it is and how lucky and persistent one has to be to make lots money or have a big exit, and I'm not there yet. Probably won't be for a while. I know that, because I live it every day I go in. I think a lot of people (wantrapreneurs, basically) have this attitude where they think just because they compare themselves to ultra-high-achievers (the famous ones, basically), they think they're part of some exclusive club that has "high standards" or something. Quite frankly that's bullshit, you either have achieved or you haven't, in my opinion the line of thinking that results in the conclusion that a successful doctor in the most expensive area of the richest state in the richest country in the world is to be looked down on, is just rampantly stupid.

carguy1983 15y ago

Your cousin is a successful MD in the SF Bay area with a family, what planet do you live on where this is considered non-high-achieving/non-ambitious? He's basically at the apex of society's status pyramid, that's why he doesn't give a fuck about any of the frivolous crap so many people chase around - he's already achieved his dream and he is probably the envy of many.

RegEx 15y ago
> what planet do you live on where this is considered non-high-achieving/non-ambitious? I believe the fact that he doesn't see his cousin as ambitious confirms his self-diagnosed overblown ambition.
AVTizzle 15y ago
Hah. You make a good point. And if your question wasn't hypothetical, my satirical answer would be that I live in New York City - a place with sometimes laughably high standards for achievement and ambition. And I mostly agree with you. He is probably the envy of many. Achievement? Sure. But ambition? I thought for a while about how to best explain my whole sentiment on this idea, and my mind kept coming back to an excerpt from PG's "Cities and Ambition", where he lists common areas of ambition: "So far the complete list of messages I've picked up from cities is: wealth, style, hipness, physical attractiveness, fame, political power, economic power, intelligence, social class, and quality of life." It's those kinds of things that I realized my cousin didn't give two shits about. And I admit, there's more than a couple things on that list that I've realized are root desires driving my ambition. Frivolous? Definitely. And I guess that's the basis for my aforementioned wonderings.
- carguy1983 15y ago
  You aren't thinking this through. A doctor with a successful career is basically one or two steps away from extremely high levels of success/achievement. Think of medical device patents, positions of power on medical associations, university positions, etc. Many people achieve this sort of thing later in life, not during their 20s like some kind of internet media darling. A lot of people actually have kids and do the family BEFORE seeking their large-scale success. This is actually what most people do.
fingerprinter 15y ago
Interesting that you would phrase it that way. I was reading this thread and came back to it a few hours later so I saw the 1st follow-up, but not yours. I would say that I'm in a similar boat right now, though I sometimes feel guilty for not chasing the startup. My wife, also a doctor, makes a ton of money. I make quite a bit of money. I like what I do, but it isn't all that fulfilling. However, we have a great family life with our two kids, 4 and 1. I don't think I could trade the family life for the dream of chasing a start-up right now. I've worked in several start-ups and know what it can take and I don't believe I would be willing to do that at this point in my life. Maybe in 10 years, definitely in 20. That being said, I can understand what the other person said about being considered "non-ambitious". Think of it this way, some people (myself included) probably don't measure themselves by normal standards. I measure myself by the Gates' of the world. I've always done that. When I was playing sports, I didn't measure myself against the average or below average players and think "hey, I'm in the top 10% of this division/league/whatever", I would say "there are 10 people better than me and that cannot do". When I walk into the weight room or step onto the basketball court, I want to be considered the best. Not "one of the best", but "the best". So, sometimes when a person like this mentally says they aren't going to go after something but still see others doing it, it it is hard on them in a variety of ways. Honestly, I can say that I feel like I'm going through a mini-midlife crisis realizing that I may well be 40 before I do my next start-up of my own and that is hard to take....even if I KNOW I'm making the best decision for my family, which is more important to me (meaning, I want a healthy marriage, well adjusted, well rounded kids more than I want the gulf stream jet). So, all I'm trying to say is that the people on this board might well be the 1% or the top in their field, but they might also be the ones that only see the people that are better than them or have achieved more and by measuring against those people, they feel "non-ambitious/non-high-achieving".
- carguy1983 15y ago
  I'm a big fan of keeping a firm, dry grip on reality while chasing after my entrepreneurial dreams. I'm an entrepreneur with a business that is profitable, and with quite large ambitions, and all of that - I know EXACTLY how difficult it is and how lucky and persistent one has to be to make lots money or have a big exit, and I'm not there yet. Probably won't be for a while. I know that, because I live it every day I go in. I think a lot of people (wantrapreneurs, basically) have this attitude where they think just because they compare themselves to ultra-high-achievers (the famous ones, basically), they think they're part of some exclusive club that has "high standards" or something. Quite frankly that's bullshit, you either have achieved or you haven't, in my opinion the line of thinking that results in the conclusion that a successful doctor in the most expensive area of the richest state in the richest country in the world is to be looked down on, is just rampantly stupid.