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There's a meditation I've found healing for memories like this. >> In one instance, a teacher uttered the words ‘Ewan’s naturally bad at maths’. I was 6 The e

There's a meditation I've found healing for memories like this. >> In one instance, a teacher uttered the words ‘Ewan’s naturally bad at maths’. I was 6 The exercise goes something like: Summon up a painful memory, like feeling underestimated by a teacher or ashamed of yourself. Let the memory (and feelings) get as strong as they need to be, without trying to suppress or judge how you feel. Then, imagine stepping into the memory and giving a younger version of yourself exactly what you needed. This is especially healing if there were adults in your early life may have failed to provide what you needed, and you're still holding on to pain/blame/spite. Here's the guided meditation where I learned this technique: https://timdesmond.net/self-compassion-skills-workbook/ https://timdesmond.net/self-compassion-skills-workbook/

vegancap 3y ago
As the post suggested, this was very much a start of this process, but truth be told I had no idea where or how to start. So thank you for this, this looks really powerful and I can't wait to try it out!
- grepLeigh 3y ago
  Good on you for spending time/energy on yourself. A lot of things in your post really resonated with me (like diagnosis late in life). Excited that you get to uncover the things you're capable of on your own terms.
littlelady 3y ago
This is a really nice playlist, but how are you supposed to use it? Are you "supposed" to go through all 8 meditations in one day? Or just one once per day? I see it's from a book, but would like to try these out before reading it.
- grepLeigh 3y ago
  There's a workbook that explains how to use the playlist. It's a bit like a choose-your-own adventure game. I originally found the workbook while browsing library ebooks (Libby) but ended up buying a copy to support the author.
Cthulhu_ 3y ago
I'm doing guided meditation (sometimes) with a guy who styles himself a hypnotherapist, and he does this thing too; I believe it's called reparenting (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparenting https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparenting). edit: The bit in that article about the therapist assuming a parental role and the "patient" assuming a child state with bottle feeding and the like is a bit fucking disturbing if you ask me; this shouldn't be necessary for most people. Many people grow up and live their adult lives having missed something in their childhood from a parent / caretaker, unaware of how it affects them in their daily lives. They run away from it, seeking comfort in distractions, work, or whatever, and / or look and cling to other people hoping that they can provide what they have missed for them (see also: codependency). Reparenting and this type of guided meditation is a way to "fix" these issues. I'm late 30's and now I feel like this is the thing I needed in my mid twenties, instead of just sit with vague issues and feel sorry for myself.
- grepLeigh 3y ago
  Yeah the wiki definitely captures some of the more, er, extreme versions of reparenting. I usually hear "reparenting" used to mean deliberately practicing self-validation, self-compassion, or any form of emotional self-care, with the purpose of healing pain and letting go of spite/resentment/trauma from childhood. It's something I see people doing as a gift to themselves and their kids, to break one part of the cycle.
alienicecream 3y ago
But your spite is directed towards the person that humiliated you, naturally. How would you telling yourself in your imagination something nice help that? If someone put you down in public tomorrow and someone else stepped in and said something nice on your behalf that would not change the fact that the first person humiliated you.
- Onewildgamer 3y ago
  If someone humiliated me, I'd humiliate them back at that same moment if it was spiteful. If I had done something embarrassing then I'd try to laugh it off before giving someone else a chance to. If I couldn't do it at the moment because of some brain freeze, then comes meditation. The situation will play in my mind several times regardless, analysing why I did what I did will usually give answers. If it was some failed comedy I'll say to myself better luck next time or if it was general lack of attention, I'll calm myself saying I need some sleep or if it was because of lack of exposure or skill then I say let's learn that before it happens again in public. The key prerequisite to this form of meditation is to not attach a person to an incident. Separating yourself and putting yourself above that situation generally shields you from the emotions that lowers yourself. Another separation is separating the person who humiliated you with that situation, it shields you from brewing hatred towards that person. Both are equally important. It doesn't matter if it was from one person or many, mob usually catches the vibe and will follow it. Maintain sympathy and think of their pitiful upbringing, label them as such if you want to in general feel sorry for them but with care and sympathy. Then detach them from the situation and then address the issue with some examples I mentioned earlier. This has worked for me several times, hope it helps.
takinola 3y ago
I do a variation of this. Instead of stepping into the memory to adjust it with kindness, I intensify it. I turn up whatever feeling is being invoked until it is at comical levels. Was the experience one person saying you are bad at maths? Now, imagine the Nobel prize committee publishing an expose at how bad you are at math! I find doing this for a while defangs the feeling. You stop being as affected by the experience and get to explore it mentally rather than emotionally after a while.

vegancap 3y ago

As the post suggested, this was very much a start of this process, but truth be told I had no idea where or how to start. So thank you for this, this looks really powerful and I can't wait to try it out!

grepLeigh 3y ago
Good on you for spending time/energy on yourself. A lot of things in your post really resonated with me (like diagnosis late in life). Excited that you get to uncover the things you're capable of on your own terms.

littlelady 3y ago

This is a really nice playlist, but how are you supposed to use it? Are you "supposed" to go through all 8 meditations in one day? Or just one once per day? I see it's from a book, but would like to try these out before reading it.

grepLeigh 3y ago
There's a workbook that explains how to use the playlist. It's a bit like a choose-your-own adventure game. I originally found the workbook while browsing library ebooks (Libby) but ended up buying a copy to support the author.

Cthulhu_ 3y ago

I'm doing guided meditation (sometimes) with a guy who styles himself a hypnotherapist, and he does this thing too; I believe it's called reparenting (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparenting https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparenting). edit: The bit in that article about the therapist assuming a parental role and the "patient" assuming a child state with bottle feeding and the like is a bit fucking disturbing if you ask me; this shouldn't be necessary for most people. Many people grow up and live their adult lives having missed something in their childhood from a parent / caretaker, unaware of how it affects them in their daily lives. They run away from it, seeking comfort in distractions, work, or whatever, and / or look and cling to other people hoping that they can provide what they have missed for them (see also: codependency). Reparenting and this type of guided meditation is a way to "fix" these issues. I'm late 30's and now I feel like this is the thing I needed in my mid twenties, instead of just sit with vague issues and feel sorry for myself.

grepLeigh 3y ago
Yeah the wiki definitely captures some of the more, er, extreme versions of reparenting. I usually hear "reparenting" used to mean deliberately practicing self-validation, self-compassion, or any form of emotional self-care, with the purpose of healing pain and letting go of spite/resentment/trauma from childhood. It's something I see people doing as a gift to themselves and their kids, to break one part of the cycle.

alienicecream 3y ago

But your spite is directed towards the person that humiliated you, naturally. How would you telling yourself in your imagination something nice help that? If someone put you down in public tomorrow and someone else stepped in and said something nice on your behalf that would not change the fact that the first person humiliated you.

Onewildgamer 3y ago
If someone humiliated me, I'd humiliate them back at that same moment if it was spiteful. If I had done something embarrassing then I'd try to laugh it off before giving someone else a chance to. If I couldn't do it at the moment because of some brain freeze, then comes meditation. The situation will play in my mind several times regardless, analysing why I did what I did will usually give answers. If it was some failed comedy I'll say to myself better luck next time or if it was general lack of attention, I'll calm myself saying I need some sleep or if it was because of lack of exposure or skill then I say let's learn that before it happens again in public. The key prerequisite to this form of meditation is to not attach a person to an incident. Separating yourself and putting yourself above that situation generally shields you from the emotions that lowers yourself. Another separation is separating the person who humiliated you with that situation, it shields you from brewing hatred towards that person. Both are equally important. It doesn't matter if it was from one person or many, mob usually catches the vibe and will follow it. Maintain sympathy and think of their pitiful upbringing, label them as such if you want to in general feel sorry for them but with care and sympathy. Then detach them from the situation and then address the issue with some examples I mentioned earlier. This has worked for me several times, hope it helps.

takinola 3y ago

I do a variation of this. Instead of stepping into the memory to adjust it with kindness, I intensify it. I turn up whatever feeling is being invoked until it is at comical levels. Was the experience one person saying you are bad at maths? Now, imagine the Nobel prize committee publishing an expose at how bad you are at math! I find doing this for a while defangs the feeling. You stop being as affected by the experience and get to explore it mentally rather than emotionally after a while.