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I'm 40 and have three kids including teenagers. I grew up on the unrestricted internet before cell phones. I've lost all hope here for one reason: Your kids f

I'm 40 and have three kids including teenagers. I grew up on the unrestricted internet before cell phones. I've lost all hope here for one reason: Your kids friends parents don't care because they are all addicted to their phones and ignoring their kids It's not even like "choose better friends." Unless your kids are literally in friend groups where all of the parents choose to restrict phones and change their entire lifestyle compared to their peers you're in a losing battle with the broader culture. The only thing I feel I can do is create such a trusting relationship with my kids that they will come to me with anything that we have discussed is problematic. So far so good and we've been able to catch things that would have been a bigger deal without such a trusting relationship It's always been hard to be a good parent.

dangus 3y ago
Parents will always lose this type of battle because devices like tablets, phones, and TVs give parents a legitimate break. For every parent who is going “no screens until age XYZ” there’s ten others who just need to get something done around the house and have their children leave them alone or stop breaking shit for 10 minutes. Your strategy is the right one. The parent should be the trusted confidante.
- AndrewKemendo 3y ago
  I'd quibble with whether the break is "legitimate" but I wholeheartedly agree here It is unconscionable the pervasiveness to which parents literally stick a device in front of their kids for their own benefit. I get it, life is hard and kids are a lot of work. Your work or friends or instagram or whatever, is infinitely less important than building a healthy engaged relationship with your children. You're harming them and they are losing out on the vanishingly small amount of time you have to give them the focus, attention and attachment that is REQUIRED to create a healthy person and these are things only a parent (or adoptive parent) can give.
- kuchenbecker 3y ago
  It's just like anything else you need to teach moderation. My daughter gets to choose what she does on her tablet, and it has educational games. She gets to choose when she watches. I decide how much total screen time, < 1hr per day total, and 50% of the time she will choose to watch something with me after dinner on the big TV rather than use it during snack time.
ghusto 3y ago
I understand where you're coming from, but don't lose hope. The power of "sure, everyone else has one, but we're not everyone else" is strong. There's a big difference between caving in following along, and accepting that outside the house is (mostly) also outside your control. We have a trusting relationship with our kid too, and accept that he's going to do many things we disallow in our household, outside the house. It's working out pretty well, I think. There was a similar unquestioned presumption at his school that he would have a phone by now. I asked reasonable questions, and that presumption is no longer present.
deleted 3y ago
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dangus 3y ago

Parents will always lose this type of battle because devices like tablets, phones, and TVs give parents a legitimate break. For every parent who is going “no screens until age XYZ” there’s ten others who just need to get something done around the house and have their children leave them alone or stop breaking shit for 10 minutes. Your strategy is the right one. The parent should be the trusted confidante.

AndrewKemendo 3y ago
I'd quibble with whether the break is "legitimate" but I wholeheartedly agree here It is unconscionable the pervasiveness to which parents literally stick a device in front of their kids for their own benefit. I get it, life is hard and kids are a lot of work. Your work or friends or instagram or whatever, is infinitely less important than building a healthy engaged relationship with your children. You're harming them and they are losing out on the vanishingly small amount of time you have to give them the focus, attention and attachment that is REQUIRED to create a healthy person and these are things only a parent (or adoptive parent) can give.
kuchenbecker 3y ago
It's just like anything else you need to teach moderation. My daughter gets to choose what she does on her tablet, and it has educational games. She gets to choose when she watches. I decide how much total screen time, < 1hr per day total, and 50% of the time she will choose to watch something with me after dinner on the big TV rather than use it during snack time.

ghusto 3y ago

I understand where you're coming from, but don't lose hope. The power of "sure, everyone else has one, but we're not everyone else" is strong. There's a big difference between caving in following along, and accepting that outside the house is (mostly) also outside your control. We have a trusting relationship with our kid too, and accept that he's going to do many things we disallow in our household, outside the house. It's working out pretty well, I think. There was a similar unquestioned presumption at his school that he would have a phone by now. I asked reasonable questions, and that presumption is no longer present.

deleted 3y ago

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