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A nice article overall, but: > Never do something for someone that they are capable of doing for themselves. This seems like a good approach, and as if it mus

A nice article overall, but: > Never do something for someone that they are capable of doing for themselves. This seems like a good approach, and as if it must be educational, yet people may become upset if you are not helping them, likely because they are not sure if they are capable of doing those things. Even seemingly simple tasks occasionally turn out harder than expected: particularly online services often malfunction, so you have to work around their issues, often employing non-trivial technical expertise, creativity, and persistence to get things done; I think such cases erode the confidence of less tech-savvy people, and dealing with this broken stuff is an unpleasant experience even for tech-savvy ones. So, sometimes by doing something for someone that they are (probably) capable of doing for themselves, you can save them from some stress. Occasionally trying to do things on their own is still needed for learning, but not necessarily all the time.

kubanczyk 3y ago
> yet people may become upset if you are not helping them Fair take. But how about this instead: do not position yourself anywhere near a situation where a human is about to get upset. About anything, but especially about broken tech.
- defanor 3y ago
  Not sure if I understand this correctly; avoiding such situations altogether seems virtually impossible. For instance, if people know you can help, you are in close enough relationships to have expectations of mutual help (e.g., friends or relatives), and you do not help, it is likely to be upsetting; while severing and avoiding all close relationships (particularly with less tech-savvy people, in this example) seems like an overkill. Or do you picture that non-positioning differently?
  - kubanczyk 3y ago
    > you are in close enough relationships to have expectations of mutual help That is one take about what makes a relationship close, obligation of mutual help. In my case it's different. What makes a relationships close is an intuition about how to proceed around each other's peeves and buttons and wounds. For example, one can avoid making me visibly upset by not mentioning their technical problems, or approaching the topic very very gently if so.

kubanczyk 3y ago

> yet people may become upset if you are not helping them Fair take. But how about this instead: do not position yourself anywhere near a situation where a human is about to get upset. About anything, but especially about broken tech.

defanor 3y ago
Not sure if I understand this correctly; avoiding such situations altogether seems virtually impossible. For instance, if people know you can help, you are in close enough relationships to have expectations of mutual help (e.g., friends or relatives), and you do not help, it is likely to be upsetting; while severing and avoiding all close relationships (particularly with less tech-savvy people, in this example) seems like an overkill. Or do you picture that non-positioning differently?
- kubanczyk 3y ago
  > you are in close enough relationships to have expectations of mutual help That is one take about what makes a relationship close, obligation of mutual help. In my case it's different. What makes a relationships close is an intuition about how to proceed around each other's peeves and buttons and wounds. For example, one can avoid making me visibly upset by not mentioning their technical problems, or approaching the topic very very gently if so.