5 ms·

It’s not deranged for kids to be raised by their parents.

closeparen 3y ago
The deranged part is the parent being the only person involved in raising their child / raising the child being the parent's only activity. This level of separation from extended family and community is a contingent feature a certain time, place, and social bubble, not something natural or inherent to the human condition. The commercial daycare center is hardly the ideal model, but it is at least something besides total individualism.
- yawboakye 3y ago
  > This level of separation from extended family and community is a contingent feature a certain time, place, and social bubble, not something natural or inherent to the human condition. in my experience, this is a feature of city dwelling. when people live in villages there’s a tendency to have the same neighbors for a lifetime, and so to form more lasting bonds, which allows the full expression of our humanity. i have lived in some french villages and the community i experienced there isn’t different from how anthropologists described community among primitive cultures.
  - mcny 3y ago
    It isn’t just city dwelling but the reality of trying to escape poverty. My parents did the “right thing” and delayed having children until they could feed us. I delayed getting married until I felt stable. In previous generations, I’d imagine my parents would look after my children while I was out tending goats or tilling a farm but it would be incredibly unfair for me to expect my aging parents to look after a child. I can’t make the math work no matter how I slice it. I had a very fortunate childhood considering the childhood my parents had. If I have children, I want to give them at least the same level of comfort and security which right now I can’t. I think people who are having multiple children without thinking it through are being extremely selfish.
- anon291 3y ago
  My wife stays at home and this is simply not reality. Every day she and the kids are over at friends houses, playdates, hiking, etc. She basically hangs out with her friends while all the kids play. The great part about this arrangement is that the adults get to plan all kinds of community events for families and kids. Parties, get togethers, camping trips, etc. Our lives are richer because of it and more communal because we're not all sitting in cubicles each day. It's amazing and way less isolating than my own childhood of daycare. My kids get solid friends who they see almost everyday. We know the families well so they see their friends in more than one context. Being a stay at home parent doesn't literally mean staying at home. And to address the last point, my in laws live two blocks away, so my kids get a lot of time with them. And my parents live a short drive so we see them multiple times a week.
  - steve1977 3y ago
    > The great part about this arrangement is that the adults get to plan all kinds of community events for families and kids. Parties, get togethers, camping trips, etc. Our lives are richer because of it and more communal because we're not all sitting in cubicles each day. And it's an actually community. Not some "I care for your kids because I get paid for it".
spiderice 3y ago
I know you already know this.. but you intentionally misquoted GP. "In relative isolation" was very clearly an important part of their statement.
watwut 3y ago
Kids in preschool or school are still being raised by their parents.
afpx 3y ago
Except those parents that mainly teach from religious texts

The deranged part is the parent being the only person involved in raising their child / raising the child being the parent's only activity. This level of separation from extended family and community is a contingent feature a certain time, place, and social bubble, not something natural or inherent to the human condition. The commercial daycare center is hardly the ideal model, but it is at least something besides total individualism.

yawboakye 3y ago
> This level of separation from extended family and community is a contingent feature a certain time, place, and social bubble, not something natural or inherent to the human condition. in my experience, this is a feature of city dwelling. when people live in villages there’s a tendency to have the same neighbors for a lifetime, and so to form more lasting bonds, which allows the full expression of our humanity. i have lived in some french villages and the community i experienced there isn’t different from how anthropologists described community among primitive cultures.
- mcny 3y ago
  It isn’t just city dwelling but the reality of trying to escape poverty. My parents did the “right thing” and delayed having children until they could feed us. I delayed getting married until I felt stable. In previous generations, I’d imagine my parents would look after my children while I was out tending goats or tilling a farm but it would be incredibly unfair for me to expect my aging parents to look after a child. I can’t make the math work no matter how I slice it. I had a very fortunate childhood considering the childhood my parents had. If I have children, I want to give them at least the same level of comfort and security which right now I can’t. I think people who are having multiple children without thinking it through are being extremely selfish.
anon291 3y ago
My wife stays at home and this is simply not reality. Every day she and the kids are over at friends houses, playdates, hiking, etc. She basically hangs out with her friends while all the kids play. The great part about this arrangement is that the adults get to plan all kinds of community events for families and kids. Parties, get togethers, camping trips, etc. Our lives are richer because of it and more communal because we're not all sitting in cubicles each day. It's amazing and way less isolating than my own childhood of daycare. My kids get solid friends who they see almost everyday. We know the families well so they see their friends in more than one context. Being a stay at home parent doesn't literally mean staying at home. And to address the last point, my in laws live two blocks away, so my kids get a lot of time with them. And my parents live a short drive so we see them multiple times a week.
- steve1977 3y ago
  > The great part about this arrangement is that the adults get to plan all kinds of community events for families and kids. Parties, get togethers, camping trips, etc. Our lives are richer because of it and more communal because we're not all sitting in cubicles each day. And it's an actually community. Not some "I care for your kids because I get paid for it".

spiderice 3y ago

I know you already know this.. but you intentionally misquoted GP. "In relative isolation" was very clearly an important part of their statement.

watwut 3y ago

Kids in preschool or school are still being raised by their parents.

afpx 3y ago

Except those parents that mainly teach from religious texts