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Great read. As with everything, balance is key. But I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and mo

Great read. As with everything, balance is key. But I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and more time grinding away at work.

sanderjd 3y ago
I think this common truism is less true that it sounds at first blush. Sure, nobody wishes they spent more time "grinding away" at work. But I think lots of people find a calling in their work, and do indeed wish they had been able to spend more time in its pursuit, while also wishing they had spent more time with their family. Just to take the most extreme kind of example, I think scientists who have really hit on breakthroughs in their field feel more strongly that they wish they could have kept that up, done more of that, for longer. But I don't think that pattern is unusual at all. Lots of people find work that they believe they believe is valuable and that they are effective at, and only regret that there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things they value and find joy in, including their work.
- jplrssn 3y ago
  I don't disagree that many people find personal satisfaction in their work, beyond seeing it just as a source of money. I do too. Your point about time being zero-sum is a poignant one. Everyone wishes they had more hours in the day to spend doing things they like. But the question is about how we spend that marginal hour, and I think oftentimes it is better spent on family, friends or hobbies than our day jobs.
  - sanderjd 3y ago
    I guess I didn't state this very clearly because it's kind of an uncomfortable thing to state, but what I'm saying is that I think for a lot of people, for a lot of the hours, spending that marginal hour on work actually is the less-regretted way to spend it. But it's probably true that more people end up regretting that choice to spend that marginal hour on work for more of their hours that the opposite.
  - RHSman2 3y ago
    Time is the only currency
acuozzo 3y ago
> I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and more time grinding away at work Sampling bias? Those wishing to have spent more time with family & friends likely have family & friends to posthumously share their deathbed story.
- jplrssn 3y ago
  Yes maybe. But these deathbed regrets can also be shared by hospice staff [1] and volunteers and the like, some of whom arguably are more likely to spend time with patients who don't have family there. [1] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-fiv...

Great read. As with everything, balance is key. But I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and more time grinding away at work.

sanderjd 3y ago

I think this common truism is less true that it sounds at first blush. Sure, nobody wishes they spent more time "grinding away" at work. But I think lots of people find a calling in their work, and do indeed wish they had been able to spend more time in its pursuit, while also wishing they had spent more time with their family. Just to take the most extreme kind of example, I think scientists who have really hit on breakthroughs in their field feel more strongly that they wish they could have kept that up, done more of that, for longer. But I don't think that pattern is unusual at all. Lots of people find work that they believe they believe is valuable and that they are effective at, and only regret that there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things they value and find joy in, including their work.

jplrssn 3y ago
I don't disagree that many people find personal satisfaction in their work, beyond seeing it just as a source of money. I do too. Your point about time being zero-sum is a poignant one. Everyone wishes they had more hours in the day to spend doing things they like. But the question is about how we spend that marginal hour, and I think oftentimes it is better spent on family, friends or hobbies than our day jobs.
- sanderjd 3y ago
  I guess I didn't state this very clearly because it's kind of an uncomfortable thing to state, but what I'm saying is that I think for a lot of people, for a lot of the hours, spending that marginal hour on work actually is the less-regretted way to spend it. But it's probably true that more people end up regretting that choice to spend that marginal hour on work for more of their hours that the opposite.
- RHSman2 3y ago
  Time is the only currency

acuozzo 3y ago

> I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and more time grinding away at work Sampling bias? Those wishing to have spent more time with family & friends likely have family & friends to posthumously share their deathbed story.

jplrssn 3y ago
Yes maybe. But these deathbed regrets can also be shared by hospice staff [1] and volunteers and the like, some of whom arguably are more likely to spend time with patients who don't have family there. [1] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-fiv...