4 ms·

I think possibly the worst place to learn and practice social skills is from other kids who are just as in the dark as you are. In my experience a home schoole

by zaphar 3y ago

I think possibly the worst place to learn and practice social skills is from other kids who are just as in the dark as you are. In my experience a home schooled child is significantly more likely to be good at social skills than a public schooled child. They are also adept at navigating adult conversation and social situations much sooner.

Loughla 3y ago
My experience is the absolute opposite of yours. In all seriousness, there is a trend of homeschooled kids coming to the local large high school for the extracurriculars, and the school offering Autism testing, because they are so far behind socially. I find it interesting that your experience is the opposite. Where in the world do you live?
- zaphar 3y ago
  I've lived all over the country. I was homeschooled as well and have a number of friends who were. Anecdotal evidence is going to vary certainly and effect is highly dependent on the parent. But I've been around homeschooling groups for over 30 years now and the balance of them have been significantly ahead of the public schooled.
- Turing_Machine 3y ago
  > the school offering Autism testing, because they are so far behind socially. Do you have any published evidence for this?
rootusrootus 3y ago
My experience is exactly the opposite. Homeschooled kids frequently have to learn how to adult all at once, right as they get dumped into the pool with everyone else to go find a way to make a living. The most successful kids that I see are the ones who have professional instructors by day and excellent support at home. Not one or the other, but both.
- Turing_Machine 3y ago
  > Homeschooled kids frequently have to learn how to adult all at once How does sitting in a room with a bunch of kids, all of whom are within one year of you in age, with an authority figure at the front telling you exactly what to do, teach you "how to adult"? It might prepare you for Army boot camp, which is the only "adult" place you're likely to encounter that kind of environment. Even prison usually has a range of age groups.
  - rootusrootus 3y ago
    > with an authority figure at the front telling you exactly what to do This is not an accurate description of school. Maybe, maybe in high school and college you kinda sorta get to something resembling that, but for elementary school and middle school it is nothing at all like your description. I'll grant you that 40-50 years ago it was a bit more regimented. I'm old too. But I have school age kids in both elementary and middle school, and I have a lot of experience in what their environment looks like. It's very dynamic, lots of hands-on learning opportunities.
    - tivert 3y ago
      > This is not an accurate description of school. Maybe, maybe in high school and college you kinda sorta get to something resembling that, but for elementary school and middle school it is nothing at all like your description. Elementary and middle school are even less like being an adult than high school I think GP's point is that the school environment is nothing like "adulting," so your original point was just plain wrong. And I agree with the GP: I don't see any reason why home-schooled kids would be at a disadvantage to public school kids when learning to navigate the adult world, because the school environment is strange and not at all focused on "adult life skills."
      - Pinsy352 3y ago
        The main thing I struggled with (K-12 homeschool grad) was having no peer relationships that weren't filtered by my parents. Basically, I had a lot of experience with deferring to authority (my mom/teacher), but no experience choosing my own friends, navigating peer to peer conflict where a parent wasn't going to intervene at the slightest hint of disagreement, or establishing personal boundaries. It actually made for a very unsafe college experience. I had no experience telling anyone no, or doubting anyone's intentions. It took being lured alone with a man to realize that he didn't want to study Calc I, he wanted to make sexual advances on me when I was alone. I was lucky to learn that lesson without getting sexually assaulted. Took me another few years to realize that I didn't have to obey everything my boss said, even if it was personally detrimental to my career. My mom, of course, would tell you how great it was that I wasn't socialized with "an unnatural collection of same aged peers" and how I was always "so polite around adults."
weeznerps 3y ago
>They are also adept at navigating adult conversation and social situations much sooner. And they are often worse at navigating interactions with children who are not homeschooled (at least I was). Specificity is king.
- Pinsy352 3y ago
  Same here. And expecting us to just immediately make up the gap in college is... optimistic at best. Going from having your every interaction determined for you by your parents to being expected to arrange your own social calendar is a huge leap. And that assumes your parents actually let the leash slip at all in college. Mine certainly didn't let me stay in a dorm or stay after classes to socialize. Not if I wanted them to fill out my FAFSA, anyway.
chasd00 3y ago
home school kids arent locked in a cage. There's all kinds of social engagement activities available to home schoolers, i would argue even more than public school. The social isolation rumor of home schoolers is totally unfounded in my experience. Maybe it was true 30 years ago but it's certainly not true for school age kids toay.
- Pinsy352 3y ago
  This varies widely, and there just isn't any method for tracking kids whose parents DO isolate them, though. And it isn't just monstrously abusive parents who undersocialize. My mom loved me and made sure I got a good education, but she was a paranoid woman with chronic health conditions that made driving me to friends impossible for her. My dad just figured he was there to make the money and left educating and caring to the woman. There was a stretch between 14 and 18 where I didn't see anyone other than my mom and dad. Oh, I made small talk to the grocery clerk once a week. Frankly, it was appalling emotional neglect, and my dad has apologized for not stepping up to fix it. My mom remains in denial that it was even a problem. And meanwhile, anytime someone brings up homeschooling there's always a ton of people saying socialization can't possibly be a problem. Usually people who weren't homeschooled themselves, of course.

by zaphar 3y ago

Loughla 3y ago

My experience is the absolute opposite of yours. In all seriousness, there is a trend of homeschooled kids coming to the local large high school for the extracurriculars, and the school offering Autism testing, because they are so far behind socially. I find it interesting that your experience is the opposite. Where in the world do you live?

zaphar 3y ago
I've lived all over the country. I was homeschooled as well and have a number of friends who were. Anecdotal evidence is going to vary certainly and effect is highly dependent on the parent. But I've been around homeschooling groups for over 30 years now and the balance of them have been significantly ahead of the public schooled.
Turing_Machine 3y ago
> the school offering Autism testing, because they are so far behind socially. Do you have any published evidence for this?

rootusrootus 3y ago

My experience is exactly the opposite. Homeschooled kids frequently have to learn how to adult all at once, right as they get dumped into the pool with everyone else to go find a way to make a living. The most successful kids that I see are the ones who have professional instructors by day and excellent support at home. Not one or the other, but both.

Turing_Machine 3y ago
> Homeschooled kids frequently have to learn how to adult all at once How does sitting in a room with a bunch of kids, all of whom are within one year of you in age, with an authority figure at the front telling you exactly what to do, teach you "how to adult"? It might prepare you for Army boot camp, which is the only "adult" place you're likely to encounter that kind of environment. Even prison usually has a range of age groups.
- rootusrootus 3y ago
  > with an authority figure at the front telling you exactly what to do This is not an accurate description of school. Maybe, maybe in high school and college you kinda sorta get to something resembling that, but for elementary school and middle school it is nothing at all like your description. I'll grant you that 40-50 years ago it was a bit more regimented. I'm old too. But I have school age kids in both elementary and middle school, and I have a lot of experience in what their environment looks like. It's very dynamic, lots of hands-on learning opportunities.
  - tivert 3y ago
    > This is not an accurate description of school. Maybe, maybe in high school and college you kinda sorta get to something resembling that, but for elementary school and middle school it is nothing at all like your description. Elementary and middle school are even less like being an adult than high school I think GP's point is that the school environment is nothing like "adulting," so your original point was just plain wrong. And I agree with the GP: I don't see any reason why home-schooled kids would be at a disadvantage to public school kids when learning to navigate the adult world, because the school environment is strange and not at all focused on "adult life skills."
    - Pinsy352 3y ago
      The main thing I struggled with (K-12 homeschool grad) was having no peer relationships that weren't filtered by my parents. Basically, I had a lot of experience with deferring to authority (my mom/teacher), but no experience choosing my own friends, navigating peer to peer conflict where a parent wasn't going to intervene at the slightest hint of disagreement, or establishing personal boundaries. It actually made for a very unsafe college experience. I had no experience telling anyone no, or doubting anyone's intentions. It took being lured alone with a man to realize that he didn't want to study Calc I, he wanted to make sexual advances on me when I was alone. I was lucky to learn that lesson without getting sexually assaulted. Took me another few years to realize that I didn't have to obey everything my boss said, even if it was personally detrimental to my career. My mom, of course, would tell you how great it was that I wasn't socialized with "an unnatural collection of same aged peers" and how I was always "so polite around adults."

weeznerps 3y ago

>They are also adept at navigating adult conversation and social situations much sooner. And they are often worse at navigating interactions with children who are not homeschooled (at least I was). Specificity is king.

Pinsy352 3y ago
Same here. And expecting us to just immediately make up the gap in college is... optimistic at best. Going from having your every interaction determined for you by your parents to being expected to arrange your own social calendar is a huge leap. And that assumes your parents actually let the leash slip at all in college. Mine certainly didn't let me stay in a dorm or stay after classes to socialize. Not if I wanted them to fill out my FAFSA, anyway.

chasd00 3y ago

home school kids arent locked in a cage. There's all kinds of social engagement activities available to home schoolers, i would argue even more than public school. The social isolation rumor of home schoolers is totally unfounded in my experience. Maybe it was true 30 years ago but it's certainly not true for school age kids toay.

Pinsy352 3y ago
This varies widely, and there just isn't any method for tracking kids whose parents DO isolate them, though. And it isn't just monstrously abusive parents who undersocialize. My mom loved me and made sure I got a good education, but she was a paranoid woman with chronic health conditions that made driving me to friends impossible for her. My dad just figured he was there to make the money and left educating and caring to the woman. There was a stretch between 14 and 18 where I didn't see anyone other than my mom and dad. Oh, I made small talk to the grocery clerk once a week. Frankly, it was appalling emotional neglect, and my dad has apologized for not stepping up to fix it. My mom remains in denial that it was even a problem. And meanwhile, anytime someone brings up homeschooling there's always a ton of people saying socialization can't possibly be a problem. Usually people who weren't homeschooled themselves, of course.