3 ms·

I am likely a bit "on the spectrum myself" but have also had pretty good success socially in general. I was a super awkward kid and then worked hard on it. Mayb

I am likely a bit "on the spectrum myself" but have also had pretty good success socially in general. I was a super awkward kid and then worked hard on it. Maybe my self-assessment is off, I dunno. But anyway.... I use pattern matching in my head to develop patterns for specific people! I don't know if this is, in principle, that different from what neurotypicals do? I think it's typically harder for those on the spectrum, perhaps especially so when it comes to initial encounters. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying?

gavinhoward 3y ago
I'm not sure what you're asking, so I'll go into detail. With initial encounters, I use patterns learned in the military: be excessively polite, speak only when spoken to, listen and observe. It's a pattern set that is designed to offend as few people as possible. (I do have different starting pattern sets for different things, such as one for church where the military one would seem weird, but point being, I use carefully-crafted starting sets.) If I don't interact with a person much, I'll keep using the same pattern set with them. But if I interact with a person enough, I get an idea of what they want, and I start developing a custom pattern set for that person. Example: I'll call people "sir" or "ma'am" by default. But my wife...hates that. So I never call her that. Ever. Not even when she's mad at me, and I fall back on excessive politeness. Having custom pattern sets can help me deal with a boss, or a difficult neighbor. The neighbor is a good example. She and I have different politics. So I will only make small talk and will not engage in controversial conversation topics with her. And I will end conversations quickly.