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This is a fascinating story. HN is (very deliberately) my only social media other than what my friends send me. I am not saying anything you don't already kno

by Affric 3y ago

This is a fascinating story. HN is (very deliberately) my only social media other than what my friends send me. I am not saying anything you don't already know by saying that parasocial relationships are so evil because they get the time that formerly would have gone into your real human relationships but don't give you anywhere near the payoff. In many ways the genie is out of the bottle/Pandora's box is open but the attention economy might just be the most insidious technology ever invented. How empty are these people attacking the author?

spacecadet 3y ago
Amen. Time to dismantle it. The environment will thank us too!
Mistletoe 3y ago
My girlfriend's niece is in her 20s and talks incessantly about people she has never known or will never meet. She's a walking US magazine. It's disturbing that she treats PR releases like holy texts. These ARE the people in her life and they don't know she exists.
- whatshisface 3y ago
  The phenomenon you're describing is hardly limited to parasocial relationships. Some people talk about sports teams, others about company stocks they have no valuable information on, others about drama in their subcultures, others about world news... we are about to start getting huge amounts of discussion around election polling in states none of your friends live in. "Do I have any power over anything related to this information?" has almost no psychological significance. I do not know whether TV show plots belong in this list, but they might.
  - Mistletoe 3y ago
    I’d say the difference is you can’t be friends with a sports team or stocks and let it replace your interpersonal relationships.
- rightbyte 3y ago
  She likes gossip?
hifromLA 3y ago
It’s maybe worse than what you say, because there is a vicious cycle where individuals whose time is absorbed by parasocial relationships are less available to people around them. Those people may in turn become isolated and turn to… parasocial relationships.
- ethanwillis 3y ago
  The solution is for us to inject advertising into communications of real relationships. Telegram chats, discord calls+chats, facetime, and so on. Just imagine you could take your SO to lunch or dinner for free*! * requires 1000 2 minute ad breaks
- OfSanguineFire 3y ago
  > individuals whose time is absorbed by parasocial relationships are less available to people around them. I’ve seen Mastodon and Tumblr users post, “I’m sick of people saying I should spend time with my neighbors. They’re probably TERFs/MAGA/whatever.” (There may be analogues mutatis mutanda on other sites, I don’t know firsthand.) You’ll have a hard time convincing people that social walling-off is a bad thing when they have elevated it to a virtue.
  - shiroiuma 3y ago
    >“I’m sick of people saying I should spend time with my neighbors. They’re probably TERFs/MAGA/whatever.” This isn't entirely wrong-headed though, I think it's just a symptom of a society that's become too divided. If you want a healthy community of people living together in one place, they need to all share a common culture and ethical framework. In America these days, that just isn't the case, and you can't expect people to be buddies with people who happen to live close by, but have diametrically-opposed viewpoints and even view them as evil (for instance, the neighbor is a MAGA person and the person in question is homosexual).
kstenerud 3y ago
At the core it's not that much different from how people have reacted over the ages to anyone dissing their favorite athlete, or the Pope, or making fun of the prophet Muhammad. Once you take on a person or idea as part of your core, any attack upon that person or idea becomes a VERY personal attack upon you, and the response is visceral and irrational (I suspect that it actually suppresses the higher functions of the brain). I've watched so many people come apart at the seams when one of their sacred cows were attacked, even becoming violent in some cases. The only difference nowadays is the speed with which people can reach this level of reveredness.
- hackyhacky 3y ago
  > the Pope, or making fun of the prophet Muhammad over the ages. Good point. Religion is the ultimate parasocia relationship.
  - xwolfi 3y ago
    Your God doesnt even have to exist for It to be powerful at moving hordes of monkeys towards the ennemies Its priests foam insults at.
  - rightbyte 3y ago
    The direction is the other way though. And it is a one way relationship. It is not the same concept as "influencer" fans, unless the diety is alive of course.
    - achenet 3y ago
      the Egyptian pharaoh was a living diety. Kinda funny to think of them as old-school influencers.
    - hackyhacky 3y ago
      How is it the other way? The relationship of a believer to God is similar to that of a fan to, say, Taylor Swift. In both cases, the follower imagines a personal relationship that doesn't exist. The only substantial difference is that behind Taylor Swift's fictional public persona there is an actual human being (which is mostly irrelevant to the parasocial relationship). edit: spelling
aaron695 3y ago
[dead]
gilleain 3y ago
For me the weirdest one was the comment: > "What if he was your son??" I mean ... what of it? It's the strange idea that the critic is 'attacking' the artist and making him feel bad for no reason. So this random stranger is trying to make the critic emphasise with the poor smol bean artist. It's very odd.
pxoe 3y ago
what is that "payoff"? why is that "payoff", whatever that is, something to seek out and prioritize? does it have to be about having "something to get"?

by Affric 3y ago

spacecadet 3y ago

Amen. Time to dismantle it. The environment will thank us too!

Mistletoe 3y ago

My girlfriend's niece is in her 20s and talks incessantly about people she has never known or will never meet. She's a walking US magazine. It's disturbing that she treats PR releases like holy texts. These ARE the people in her life and they don't know she exists.

whatshisface 3y ago
The phenomenon you're describing is hardly limited to parasocial relationships. Some people talk about sports teams, others about company stocks they have no valuable information on, others about drama in their subcultures, others about world news... we are about to start getting huge amounts of discussion around election polling in states none of your friends live in. "Do I have any power over anything related to this information?" has almost no psychological significance. I do not know whether TV show plots belong in this list, but they might.
- Mistletoe 3y ago
  I’d say the difference is you can’t be friends with a sports team or stocks and let it replace your interpersonal relationships.
rightbyte 3y ago
She likes gossip?

hifromLA 3y ago

It’s maybe worse than what you say, because there is a vicious cycle where individuals whose time is absorbed by parasocial relationships are less available to people around them. Those people may in turn become isolated and turn to… parasocial relationships.

ethanwillis 3y ago
The solution is for us to inject advertising into communications of real relationships. Telegram chats, discord calls+chats, facetime, and so on. Just imagine you could take your SO to lunch or dinner for free*! * requires 1000 2 minute ad breaks
OfSanguineFire 3y ago
> individuals whose time is absorbed by parasocial relationships are less available to people around them. I’ve seen Mastodon and Tumblr users post, “I’m sick of people saying I should spend time with my neighbors. They’re probably TERFs/MAGA/whatever.” (There may be analogues mutatis mutanda on other sites, I don’t know firsthand.) You’ll have a hard time convincing people that social walling-off is a bad thing when they have elevated it to a virtue.
- shiroiuma 3y ago
  >“I’m sick of people saying I should spend time with my neighbors. They’re probably TERFs/MAGA/whatever.” This isn't entirely wrong-headed though, I think it's just a symptom of a society that's become too divided. If you want a healthy community of people living together in one place, they need to all share a common culture and ethical framework. In America these days, that just isn't the case, and you can't expect people to be buddies with people who happen to live close by, but have diametrically-opposed viewpoints and even view them as evil (for instance, the neighbor is a MAGA person and the person in question is homosexual).

kstenerud 3y ago

At the core it's not that much different from how people have reacted over the ages to anyone dissing their favorite athlete, or the Pope, or making fun of the prophet Muhammad. Once you take on a person or idea as part of your core, any attack upon that person or idea becomes a VERY personal attack upon you, and the response is visceral and irrational (I suspect that it actually suppresses the higher functions of the brain). I've watched so many people come apart at the seams when one of their sacred cows were attacked, even becoming violent in some cases. The only difference nowadays is the speed with which people can reach this level of reveredness.

hackyhacky 3y ago
> the Pope, or making fun of the prophet Muhammad over the ages. Good point. Religion is the ultimate parasocia relationship.
- xwolfi 3y ago
  Your God doesnt even have to exist for It to be powerful at moving hordes of monkeys towards the ennemies Its priests foam insults at.
- rightbyte 3y ago
  The direction is the other way though. And it is a one way relationship. It is not the same concept as "influencer" fans, unless the diety is alive of course.
  - achenet 3y ago
    the Egyptian pharaoh was a living diety. Kinda funny to think of them as old-school influencers.
  - hackyhacky 3y ago
    How is it the other way? The relationship of a believer to God is similar to that of a fan to, say, Taylor Swift. In both cases, the follower imagines a personal relationship that doesn't exist. The only substantial difference is that behind Taylor Swift's fictional public persona there is an actual human being (which is mostly irrelevant to the parasocial relationship). edit: spelling

aaron695 3y ago

[dead]

gilleain 3y ago

For me the weirdest one was the comment: > "What if he was your son??" I mean ... what of it? It's the strange idea that the critic is 'attacking' the artist and making him feel bad for no reason. So this random stranger is trying to make the critic emphasise with the poor smol bean artist. It's very odd.

pxoe 3y ago

what is that "payoff"? why is that "payoff", whatever that is, something to seek out and prioritize? does it have to be about having "something to get"?