3 ms·

I think what I would say in response is that having a child for the first time is a genuine existential crisis for the first few weeks. I don't think words coul

by dottjt 3y ago

I think what I would say in response is that having a child for the first time is a genuine existential crisis for the first few weeks. I don't think words could possibly extrapolate how much of a shock it is to your existence until it happens. Of course, this also depends on your "village" and what kind of support you're getting from others. But best of luck!

sho_hn 3y ago
Thanks! Yeah, I'm trying to prepare for that - I'm keeping my expectations of getting any "hobby time" in to zero, and that I won't be able to do many things that usually offer me passive sense-of-progression rewards (books, etc.) at least for some time. It might sound odd, but I'm trying to more or less think of it as making having a baby my new "hobby"/personal goal. I'm sure it's tiring, tedious and often uncomfortable, but it's also all novel and once-in-a-lifetime, is definitely purposeful, and a lot of other qualities I like to assign what I do in my private life anyway. Hopefully that way I won't feel like one comes at the expense of the other. What's raising a new human if not the ultimate DIY hack? I've heard from other young parents around us that what makes the psychological difference is that having a baby is not something you can stop or return from, and that's what can make the low hours feel much harder. We'll see - others got through it!
- dottjt 3y ago
  I don't think your mental health would survive thinking that the baby itself is the hobby. The thing with babies is that they're draining. They scream for hours on end and there's literally nothing you can do about it, which makes you feel utterly hopeless. On top of that, they prevent you from doing even basic things, like eat and sleep. So you're sleep deprived and angry and hopeless, which is a miserable combination. Which I know sounds like a fun challenge on paper, but there's a reason most people fail special forces tests. So ultimately it's about finding a counter-balance to that. What I've found at least, is that the "hacky" side of raising a newborn is trying to find ways to optimise your life in order to reclaim your old life back. In particular, trying to figure out how to get enough sleep whilst still maintaining the house etc. Of course, these are all just words at this point to you. When you're thrust into it, you'll quickly adapt and figure out a way-of-life that works for you. But yeah, would be interested to hear back from your experience, I too started out quite optimistic about the whole experience, which then all went out the window when actually faced with the challenge.
  - sho_hn 3y ago
    I appreciate your honest take. Let's see whether I can remember this conversation and report back in a few months, sleep deprivation permitting.

by dottjt 3y ago

sho_hn 3y ago

Thanks! Yeah, I'm trying to prepare for that - I'm keeping my expectations of getting any "hobby time" in to zero, and that I won't be able to do many things that usually offer me passive sense-of-progression rewards (books, etc.) at least for some time. It might sound odd, but I'm trying to more or less think of it as making having a baby my new "hobby"/personal goal. I'm sure it's tiring, tedious and often uncomfortable, but it's also all novel and once-in-a-lifetime, is definitely purposeful, and a lot of other qualities I like to assign what I do in my private life anyway. Hopefully that way I won't feel like one comes at the expense of the other. What's raising a new human if not the ultimate DIY hack? I've heard from other young parents around us that what makes the psychological difference is that having a baby is not something you can stop or return from, and that's what can make the low hours feel much harder. We'll see - others got through it!

dottjt 3y ago
I don't think your mental health would survive thinking that the baby itself is the hobby. The thing with babies is that they're draining. They scream for hours on end and there's literally nothing you can do about it, which makes you feel utterly hopeless. On top of that, they prevent you from doing even basic things, like eat and sleep. So you're sleep deprived and angry and hopeless, which is a miserable combination. Which I know sounds like a fun challenge on paper, but there's a reason most people fail special forces tests. So ultimately it's about finding a counter-balance to that. What I've found at least, is that the "hacky" side of raising a newborn is trying to find ways to optimise your life in order to reclaim your old life back. In particular, trying to figure out how to get enough sleep whilst still maintaining the house etc. Of course, these are all just words at this point to you. When you're thrust into it, you'll quickly adapt and figure out a way-of-life that works for you. But yeah, would be interested to hear back from your experience, I too started out quite optimistic about the whole experience, which then all went out the window when actually faced with the challenge.
- sho_hn 3y ago
  I appreciate your honest take. Let's see whether I can remember this conversation and report back in a few months, sleep deprivation permitting.