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Give the person the space to be heard in their own time. Don’t try to force a conversation but be ready to listen when they’re ready to talk. When I say listen
by Quinzel 3y ago
Give the person the space to be heard in their own time. Don’t try to force a conversation but be ready to listen when they’re ready to talk.
When I say listen, I really mean just listen. Sometimes when people are in bad headspaces, the stuff they talk about is uncomfortable for others to hear, but sometimes they just need to feel heard.
It’s common for people to want to offer solutions, and sometimes practical problems really do need practical solutions, and other times some problems just need to be heard.
- l33tbro 3y agoThanks. This is good advice. The whole people needing a hug and not a lecture thing has been looping a little in my brain.
- Quinzel 3y agoYeah, people don’t need lectures. They just need to be heard, and feel the connection that listening without feeling judged builds. Kudos to you for making the effort for your friend though too! People don’t do that often enough.
- s1artibartfast 3y agoCurious if this is something you have actually done personally and if you had success with a major intervention
- Quinzel 3y agoI wouldn’t call it a “major intervention” because I would consider anything that was a major intervention to involve some professional guidance. Especially if someone is suicidal or at risk of some other form of serious self harm. However, I have applied this advice with someone I love, who was doing not too well last year. They were in a pretty bad place mental health wise, and I was really worried. I just spent a lot of time being with them, whether they wanted to talk or not, and when they did start to talk, I made sure I actually listened. They are doing a lot better this year. Can I say that it’s directly because I listened? No Is that a major intervention? No. But what it did was build a much stronger relationship with a lot more trust and I think that is pretty helpful.
- s1artibartfast 3y agoSo if you are counseling someone about suicide, it isn’t serious if you aren’t a professional? I don’t get it. Is a crisis not serious unless someone has a professional assigned?
- Quinzel 3y agoI think a crisis is serious if someone is contemplating suicide/self-harm whether a person providing support is or is not a professional. I personally think if someone is in that much of a crisis one should however seek professional input… however… OP said “I don't want the 'seek professional help' etc” so I’ve kind of tried to work around that here. I think you’re just misunderstanding what I mean. That may be because I haven’t communicated my thoughts effectively enough, or you don’t like my suggestion at all… but yet you haven’t seem to provide a good alternative either..
- s1artibartfast 3y agoI don’t think I agree with your top level suggestion if someone is in serious crisis, so I wanted to see if you had some particular experience. Your follow up rubbed me the wrong way, but perhaps you simply misspoke when you said: > wouldn’t call it a “major intervention” because I would consider anything that was a major intervention to involve some professional guidance. Maybe you meant to say you recommend professional help if things are serious, but instead you said it isn’t serious unless a professional was involved. A lot of people don’t have or want professional help, land lots of non professionals find themselves with friends and loved ones and n crisis. A lot of people finding themselves making an intervention, even if that is only to convince someone to see a professional
- Quinzel 3y agoOk, well what would you do for someone in crisis then? How would you help someone?
- 3y ago
- BOOSTERHIDROGEN 3y agoI’m seeing a lot advice to just only listen. But when I’m just there silently listening my counterpart they would just angry why I only there in silence.