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Ask HN: Has anyone (un)successfully staged an intervention?
Buddy's going through it. Would greatly appreciate hearing what worked or what didn't for people who have been there for a friend in crisis.
No, I don't want the 'seek professional help' etc advice. He's already SSRI'd up the wazoo and I'm losing him.
I've invited him to stay for a week and I need to make it count. What was your experience?
- Quinzel 3y agoGive the person the space to be heard in their own time. Don’t try to force a conversation but be ready to listen when they’re ready to talk. When I say listen, I really mean just listen. Sometimes when people are in bad headspaces, the stuff they talk about is uncomfortable for others to hear, but sometimes they just need to feel heard. It’s common for people to want to offer solutions, and sometimes practical problems really do need practical solutions, and other times some problems just need to be heard.
- l33tbro 3y agoThanks. This is good advice. The whole people needing a hug and not a lecture thing has been looping a little in my brain.
- Quinzel 3y agoYeah, people don’t need lectures. They just need to be heard, and feel the connection that listening without feeling judged builds. Kudos to you for making the effort for your friend though too! People don’t do that often enough.
- s1artibartfast 3y agoCurious if this is something you have actually done personally and if you had success with a major intervention
- Quinzel 3y agoI wouldn’t call it a “major intervention” because I would consider anything that was a major intervention to involve some professional guidance. Especially if someone is suicidal or at risk of some other form of serious self harm. However, I have applied this advice with someone I love, who was doing not too well last year. They were in a pretty bad place mental health wise, and I was really worried. I just spent a lot of time being with them, whether they wanted to talk or not, and when they did start to talk, I made sure I actually listened. They are doing a lot better this year. Can I say that it’s directly because I listened? No Is that a major intervention? No. But what it did was build a much stronger relationship with a lot more trust and I think that is pretty helpful.
- s1artibartfast 3y agoSo if you are counseling someone about suicide, it isn’t serious if you aren’t a professional? I don’t get it. Is a crisis not serious unless someone has a professional assigned?
- Quinzel 3y agoI think a crisis is serious if someone is contemplating suicide/self-harm whether a person providing support is or is not a professional. I personally think if someone is in that much of a crisis one should however seek professional input… however… OP said “I don't want the 'seek professional help' etc” so I’ve kind of tried to work around that here. I think you’re just misunderstanding what I mean. That may be because I haven’t communicated my thoughts effectively enough, or you don’t like my suggestion at all… but yet you haven’t seem to provide a good alternative either..
- s1artibartfast 3y agoI don’t think I agree with your top level suggestion if someone is in serious crisis, so I wanted to see if you had some particular experience. Your follow up rubbed me the wrong way, but perhaps you simply misspoke when you said: > wouldn’t call it a “major intervention” because I would consider anything that was a major intervention to involve some professional guidance. Maybe you meant to say you recommend professional help if things are serious, but instead you said it isn’t serious unless a professional was involved. A lot of people don’t have or want professional help, land lots of non professionals find themselves with friends and loved ones and n crisis. A lot of people finding themselves making an intervention, even if that is only to convince someone to see a professional
- BOOSTERHIDROGEN 3y agoI’m seeing a lot advice to just only listen. But when I’m just there silently listening my counterpart they would just angry why I only there in silence.
- superchroma 3y agoFor me, nothing worked and I lost them. It carved a canyon in my heart. Me and friends spent many months trying different things. What was apparent is that participation is necessary. If they don't want to be helped they basically can't be helped. Some people got basically isolated because they were too forceful. At that point what seemed key for me was to keep trust so I could intervene in the last minute, and so they don't shut you out. Be proactive in the critical time. If you want to intervene, know exactly what you're going to do, who to call, have a plan. I think it might be better to get someone put in a ward than to lose them, even if you're blowing up their life in the process. It was a question I mauled over for days. If they're planning to leave, I felt that they should consider walking away from the things causing them pain. You can make a living being a surf lifesaver or a forest warden or collecting unemployment. If they're planning to leave, and, as I would speculate, they've tried nothing, maybe you can get them to try some stuff if they can lean on you as a fallback? You may as well quit your work and skydive or hike or travel or do whatever if you're going to end it, and some people have life changing experiences doing those things? Cognitive behavior therapy is apparently surprisingly effective to engage with people who are interested in changing and recognize there is a problem. If things are looking desperate maybe something insane and mind altering like microdosing ketamine or LSD or something, as these actually do change people a bit. If there's nothing to be lost, I'd try it. I don't have any answers or advice. Good luck.
- superchroma 3y agoThere were some observations in this thread that was posted here a week ago. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37994348 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37994348 Maybe it's true, maybe not, but he did work in psychotherapy and they're something to consider. One other note that I have is that I get wary about people who say "just listen; people want to be heard", as this was not sufficient in my case, but I acknowledge that every case is different.
- Quinzel 3y agoThe feminists in my forensic psychology course would have absolutely roasted that guy and his “ugly truths” post. I don’t consider myself to be a feminist, but I thought some of his “ugly truths” were out dated and I thought the appeal to gendered stereotypes was pathetic, especially coming from someone who claims to have authority in the field of psychology.
- algobro 3y agoCoursera has a Hopkins institute course called "Psychological First Aid" which is "aimed at first responders to provide a supportive presence, mitigate acute distress, and assess the need for further mental health care". Useful for dealing with when people are breaking down or having a mental health episode of some kind. More importantly it teaches you what _not_ to say, with nice role played examples. Is this person on heated tobacco or vapes? I have seen people destroy their mental health with these things because they overload on nicotine without realizing it.
- l33tbro 3y agoI'll check this out, thank you. No, this person just has a poor diet and patterns, depression, and severe learned helplessness (my diagnoses).