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> make the effort to write an intelligent, personalized message to them based on reading their profile, and then... nothing Way back in the day I tried this, a

> make the effort to write an intelligent, personalized message to them based on reading their profile, and then... nothing Way back in the day I tried this, and got both ends of the spectrum. Still lots of ghosts, but then also curiously, multiple girls who said that my message was "unfair" or "selfish". When I enquired why, it was because it "created an obligation - you wrote this more detailed message and now I can't just reply with 'no thanks' or 'cool, tell me more', I have to sit down and think and write a reply". Great as a filter maybe, less great for the ego. So then I wrote a template message. A couple of common paragraphs, and then a couple of inserts where I could put "choose 1 of 3 options to put in here". More soul depressing, but ended up more successful (relatively speaking).

lapcat 3y ago
> multiple girls who said that my message was "unfair" or "selfish". When I enquired why, it was because it "created an obligation Oy, another reason why online dating is so terrible. They're purposely on a dating site, looking to meet people; they created a detailed personal profile describing themselves, which attracted someone's attention; yet it's "unfair" or "selfish" to write a non-generic message? WTF! I guess that's a case of bullet dodged. Not sure I want someone with that attitude. But after you dodge all the bullets, what's left? It should actually be a lot easier to say "not interested" online to strangers than it is to say it to someone's face in person. On the other hand, it should also be a lot easier online to be at least semi-interested and have a little conversation before you judge someone as a hard no. I think this goes back to my point that a lot of people seem to be on the dating apps without having any serious commitment to dating. They're just waiting for their knight in shining armor or prince with glass slipper to come along (who never does).

lapcat 3y ago

> multiple girls who said that my message was "unfair" or "selfish". When I enquired why, it was because it "created an obligation Oy, another reason why online dating is so terrible. They're purposely on a dating site, looking to meet people; they created a detailed personal profile describing themselves, which attracted someone's attention; yet it's "unfair" or "selfish" to write a non-generic message? WTF! I guess that's a case of bullet dodged. Not sure I want someone with that attitude. But after you dodge all the bullets, what's left? It should actually be a lot easier to say "not interested" online to strangers than it is to say it to someone's face in person. On the other hand, it should also be a lot easier online to be at least semi-interested and have a little conversation before you judge someone as a hard no. I think this goes back to my point that a lot of people seem to be on the dating apps without having any serious commitment to dating. They're just waiting for their knight in shining armor or prince with glass slipper to come along (who never does).