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>#metoo movements, and generalized "women don't ever want to be approached" zeitgeist It (the extreme of what you're writing about) exists only on the internet

>#metoo movements, and generalized "women don't ever want to be approached" zeitgeist It (the extreme of what you're writing about) exists only on the internet. Just turn off twitter and you'll realize those things do not exist at the scale that you think

samtho 3y ago
And where it does exist, it’s usually someone exploiting power and/or access to another person, e.g. superiors in the workplace taking advantage of subordinates, customers being inappropriate to servers and not understanding or caring that it’s their job to serve them and their advances are not welcome, that weird/obsessed guy in your greater friend circle that you never want to be alone with, etc. Respectful advances in places where both people are on equal footing and there are not external pressures, have never been seen as off limits as far as I am aware.
- alphaddx 3y ago
  That's the negative behaviour the movements were trying to address but young men interpreted it as women not wanting to be approached by them at all. That's the message social media is giving.
johnnyanmac 3y ago
It's an extreme but a dangerous permanent extreme. It's not like the risk of riding a bike and breaking your leg. Legs heal.vYour reputation doesn't, especially if your hobby or career requires an online presence. Twitter aside, there is a general post COVID feeling of "coldness" out there in my anecdotal experience. It's kinda always been that way given me being in a big city (or at least, within driving distance of one), but even small talk seems to have diminished these days. Forget women, people in general just seem less interested to wave hello unless you're at a very specific function.
- userinanother 3y ago
  As a straight male I’ve always found dating men for friendship was a lot harder than dating women
  - johnnyanmac 3y ago
    Ha, I haven't dated a woman for 8 years but maybe there is some wisdom here. It can be so hard to wrangle friends together for some casual meetups even if I'm happy to pay for it. It's usually not too bad once we eventually set a date, but if you don't reach out they almost never will. Like, we're talking maybe your most active friend will reach out for a birthday party or outing once every 6 months, pre-COVID. Many just will never reach out period. The upside of all that is that most men don't usually take it personally. Like, I can throw out a text to someone I haven't seen since college in another state and we chat like old times (you know, minus the 5 years of catching up). So it's not like they ignore people on purpose. I guess life is just busy. I have no clue how to meet truly NEW freinds though. Meetups are so flaky and a lot of my tech/gaming circle is probably inside anyway. At best I met some closely connected friends that were ex-coworkers I never talked to.
    - userinanother 3y ago
      It’s kind of annoying I’m better friends with the moms of my kids friends than I am the dads. The dads want nothing to do with other dads but the moms are friendly and we chat way more. Even the dads that should be a great friend match we just never seem to make time for each other. All my male friends are either from college or work, and like you said they tend to forget you if you don’t follow up.
deleted 3y ago
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watwut 3y ago
The issue of sexual harassment, including the bosses pushing you for sex existed before internet. If anything, the blow up is massively an improvement at least we do not have to pretend it does not exists.

samtho 3y ago

And where it does exist, it’s usually someone exploiting power and/or access to another person, e.g. superiors in the workplace taking advantage of subordinates, customers being inappropriate to servers and not understanding or caring that it’s their job to serve them and their advances are not welcome, that weird/obsessed guy in your greater friend circle that you never want to be alone with, etc. Respectful advances in places where both people are on equal footing and there are not external pressures, have never been seen as off limits as far as I am aware.

alphaddx 3y ago
That's the negative behaviour the movements were trying to address but young men interpreted it as women not wanting to be approached by them at all. That's the message social media is giving.

johnnyanmac 3y ago

It's an extreme but a dangerous permanent extreme. It's not like the risk of riding a bike and breaking your leg. Legs heal.vYour reputation doesn't, especially if your hobby or career requires an online presence. Twitter aside, there is a general post COVID feeling of "coldness" out there in my anecdotal experience. It's kinda always been that way given me being in a big city (or at least, within driving distance of one), but even small talk seems to have diminished these days. Forget women, people in general just seem less interested to wave hello unless you're at a very specific function.

userinanother 3y ago
As a straight male I’ve always found dating men for friendship was a lot harder than dating women
- johnnyanmac 3y ago
  Ha, I haven't dated a woman for 8 years but maybe there is some wisdom here. It can be so hard to wrangle friends together for some casual meetups even if I'm happy to pay for it. It's usually not too bad once we eventually set a date, but if you don't reach out they almost never will. Like, we're talking maybe your most active friend will reach out for a birthday party or outing once every 6 months, pre-COVID. Many just will never reach out period. The upside of all that is that most men don't usually take it personally. Like, I can throw out a text to someone I haven't seen since college in another state and we chat like old times (you know, minus the 5 years of catching up). So it's not like they ignore people on purpose. I guess life is just busy. I have no clue how to meet truly NEW freinds though. Meetups are so flaky and a lot of my tech/gaming circle is probably inside anyway. At best I met some closely connected friends that were ex-coworkers I never talked to.
  - userinanother 3y ago
    It’s kind of annoying I’m better friends with the moms of my kids friends than I am the dads. The dads want nothing to do with other dads but the moms are friendly and we chat way more. Even the dads that should be a great friend match we just never seem to make time for each other. All my male friends are either from college or work, and like you said they tend to forget you if you don’t follow up.

deleted 3y ago

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watwut 3y ago

The issue of sexual harassment, including the bosses pushing you for sex existed before internet. If anything, the blow up is massively an improvement at least we do not have to pretend it does not exists.