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I met my wife on eHarmony after a few unsuccessful years on the apps. We have been happily married for 3 years. eHarmony was far better than any app but I can o

I met my wife on eHarmony after a few unsuccessful years on the apps. We have been happily married for 3 years. eHarmony was far better than any app but I can only attribute that to the fact that it is a paid for service with no free option, everyone there has to pay and that means people are more engaged and serious about a relationship. It occours to me that the incentives are skewed. If the dating apps do a great job they lose users. This means the apps will (conciously or not) be designed to keep users using and that means, not finding a suitable partner. Even worse they actually put features that will help you find a match behind a pay wall, even more incentive to tantilise you but not deliver. It'd be interesting to see a service that you only pay once you're in a relationship with someone from the service. So the company only gets paid when they find good matches. It'd become really good at finding matches or die.

btbuildem 3y ago
I've always wondered about this "losing users" argument. My counter to that is that there are always new people coming onto the dating scene. If an org curbs their growth expectations and aims for a sustainable service, the reliability and quality of results may just outweigh everything else and leave them as the only viable alternative on the playing field.
- thfuran 3y ago
  Yeah, there's over 100 million people born a year, and most relationships don't last till death anyways.
- bigstrat2003 3y ago
  > If an org curbs their growth expectations and aims for a sustainable service... True! But it seems like only a ridiculous minority of businesses are willing to pursue "sustainable but not flashy" as a business goal, especially in tech. So unfortunately, you might as well be saying "if the sun were to rise in the west...". It's just not going to happen.
standardUser 3y ago
"after a few unsuccessful years on the apps" What does success mean to you exactly? If success is only finding the love of your life and getting married than everything else in your life will be a failure which sounds profoundly depressing. In those "unsuccessful" years, did you have any fun dates? Interesting sex? Exciting flings? Because connecting with another person in those ways should be considered amazing successes!
- nicgrev103 3y ago
  I mean very few of the meaningful connections you mention. Versus comparatively many on eHarmony.
- momojo 3y ago
  Once on a long road trip back in undergrad, my friend and I ended up thoroughly confusing ourselves by trying to decipher what "success" in dating actually means. 1 date? 10 dates? Marriage? Marriage without a divorce? Marriage despite a divorce? You ask anyone off the street and they'll say "Yeah, of course I want a successful relationship; I don't want an unsuccessful one". But we can't seem to agree on a good definition. We never came to a conclusion on that road trip and I still don't have a satisfying answer. $FLAVOR_OF_THE_WEEK promises "success" implicitly, but we never ask then what they mean by that. Maybe it's really just an opportunity to ask "what do I _really_ want?"

btbuildem 3y ago

I've always wondered about this "losing users" argument. My counter to that is that there are always new people coming onto the dating scene. If an org curbs their growth expectations and aims for a sustainable service, the reliability and quality of results may just outweigh everything else and leave them as the only viable alternative on the playing field.

thfuran 3y ago
Yeah, there's over 100 million people born a year, and most relationships don't last till death anyways.
bigstrat2003 3y ago
> If an org curbs their growth expectations and aims for a sustainable service... True! But it seems like only a ridiculous minority of businesses are willing to pursue "sustainable but not flashy" as a business goal, especially in tech. So unfortunately, you might as well be saying "if the sun were to rise in the west...". It's just not going to happen.

standardUser 3y ago

"after a few unsuccessful years on the apps" What does success mean to you exactly? If success is only finding the love of your life and getting married than everything else in your life will be a failure which sounds profoundly depressing. In those "unsuccessful" years, did you have any fun dates? Interesting sex? Exciting flings? Because connecting with another person in those ways should be considered amazing successes!

nicgrev103 3y ago
I mean very few of the meaningful connections you mention. Versus comparatively many on eHarmony.
momojo 3y ago
Once on a long road trip back in undergrad, my friend and I ended up thoroughly confusing ourselves by trying to decipher what "success" in dating actually means. 1 date? 10 dates? Marriage? Marriage without a divorce? Marriage despite a divorce? You ask anyone off the street and they'll say "Yeah, of course I want a successful relationship; I don't want an unsuccessful one". But we can't seem to agree on a good definition. We never came to a conclusion on that road trip and I still don't have a satisfying answer. $FLAVOR_OF_THE_WEEK promises "success" implicitly, but we never ask then what they mean by that. Maybe it's really just an opportunity to ask "what do I _really_ want?"