4 ms·

> For the first time in history, women have the economic independence to walk away from a bad deal, and guys have up their game as a consequence. I see variati

by jeegsy 3y ago

> For the first time in history, women have the economic independence to walk away from a bad deal, and guys have up their game as a consequence. I see variations of this statement all the time. This weird, almost gleeful misandry masquerading as a historical perspective. It needs to stop. It has poisoned all our interactions and it is hurting people.

iteria 3y ago
I feel like anyone who feels this way should sit and talk to the older women in their lives and ask themselves would they want that. I've talked to happily married women in their 60s and 70s and I hear nothing but abuse and more abuse. I watched my mom and aunt fall into poverty when they got a divorce and have the marry the first man that seemed decent to keep their kids fr starving. My unmarried aunt is dissatisfied by never having children and never marrying, but she's always have independence and never been hit and never worried she would be homeless. When I consider old spinsters vs old married people well, it makes think I'd rather be a spinster if I can't find a decent guy. Of course there are true happy couple in there but they are so few it really makes me grateful no fault divorce exists. For me, I dated a lot of men. Sometimes we're not a match, but a lot of the time these guys seemed angry I didn't need them. One guy actually became physically abusive when he came over to my house and saw how much nicer I lived than him. We'd been dating for weeks. Another guy, dumped me for paying for a whole date. Another guy, withdrew his interest upon learning my profession and considering I'd definitely make more than him whatever I made. You know the advice female relatives give me? Hide how much I make. That is the state of heterosexual dating. It's where my friend who is a self made millionaire gets asked by her boyfriend when she's going to become a housewife so he can marry her. Women aren't perfect, but there's definitely got to be some kind of change for men as a collective. I know some great male partners, but I also know that they're out weighed by so many men I know personally.
- Tijdreiziger 3y ago
  I was with you until this part: > Women aren't perfect, but there's definitely got to be some kind of change for men as a collective. I know some great male partners, but I also know that they're out weighed by so many men I know personally. This is a bit like saying: “White people aren’t perfect, but there's definitely got to be some kind of change for black people as a collective. I know some great black folks, but I also know that they’re outweighed by so many blacks I know personally.” (I suspect that this is the reason your comment has been downvoted.)
- saberience 3y ago
  I'd be quite happy marrying an affluent woman as it means I'd have at least a potential chance of leaving corporate tech and having the time to write a novel (which is all my childhood self ever wanted.) I think guys who are intimidated by successful women have a ton of growing up to do, clearly. Surely it would be amazing to be with someone ambitious and intelligent?
- doix 3y ago
  This was really interesting to read. I believe everything you said, but I have never met anyone like what you are describing. I only get complaints from friends that women expect them to pay for everything on a date. I don't know anybody that complains that their wife/gf makes more than them. It's pretty rare, but those in that position are very grateful for the freedom to work lower paying jobs with higher satisfaction.
- userinanother 3y ago
  Yeah but would you date/marry a house husband? If you are earning big bucks you kind of need someone to stay home and take care of the kids/house/laundry/dinner etc. For one most mothers never trained their boys for that role but even if some did would you seek that man out for dating? I would guess not, so it’s an adverse selection problem with adverse results
  - iteria 3y ago
    I would. I'm intensively jealous of the women I know who have nabbed one. The issue is the one time I found a supposed homemaker guy he was still the same kind of abuse and stopped cooking/cleaning. It was kinda galling. How are you gonna threaten me with physical violence and I pay for everything and now I'm even cooking and cleaning every day please.

by jeegsy 3y ago

iteria 3y ago

I feel like anyone who feels this way should sit and talk to the older women in their lives and ask themselves would they want that. I've talked to happily married women in their 60s and 70s and I hear nothing but abuse and more abuse. I watched my mom and aunt fall into poverty when they got a divorce and have the marry the first man that seemed decent to keep their kids fr starving. My unmarried aunt is dissatisfied by never having children and never marrying, but she's always have independence and never been hit and never worried she would be homeless. When I consider old spinsters vs old married people well, it makes think I'd rather be a spinster if I can't find a decent guy. Of course there are true happy couple in there but they are so few it really makes me grateful no fault divorce exists. For me, I dated a lot of men. Sometimes we're not a match, but a lot of the time these guys seemed angry I didn't need them. One guy actually became physically abusive when he came over to my house and saw how much nicer I lived than him. We'd been dating for weeks. Another guy, dumped me for paying for a whole date. Another guy, withdrew his interest upon learning my profession and considering I'd definitely make more than him whatever I made. You know the advice female relatives give me? Hide how much I make. That is the state of heterosexual dating. It's where my friend who is a self made millionaire gets asked by her boyfriend when she's going to become a housewife so he can marry her. Women aren't perfect, but there's definitely got to be some kind of change for men as a collective. I know some great male partners, but I also know that they're out weighed by so many men I know personally.

Tijdreiziger 3y ago
I was with you until this part: > Women aren't perfect, but there's definitely got to be some kind of change for men as a collective. I know some great male partners, but I also know that they're out weighed by so many men I know personally. This is a bit like saying: “White people aren’t perfect, but there's definitely got to be some kind of change for black people as a collective. I know some great black folks, but I also know that they’re outweighed by so many blacks I know personally.” (I suspect that this is the reason your comment has been downvoted.)
saberience 3y ago
I'd be quite happy marrying an affluent woman as it means I'd have at least a potential chance of leaving corporate tech and having the time to write a novel (which is all my childhood self ever wanted.) I think guys who are intimidated by successful women have a ton of growing up to do, clearly. Surely it would be amazing to be with someone ambitious and intelligent?
doix 3y ago
This was really interesting to read. I believe everything you said, but I have never met anyone like what you are describing. I only get complaints from friends that women expect them to pay for everything on a date. I don't know anybody that complains that their wife/gf makes more than them. It's pretty rare, but those in that position are very grateful for the freedom to work lower paying jobs with higher satisfaction.
userinanother 3y ago
Yeah but would you date/marry a house husband? If you are earning big bucks you kind of need someone to stay home and take care of the kids/house/laundry/dinner etc. For one most mothers never trained their boys for that role but even if some did would you seek that man out for dating? I would guess not, so it’s an adverse selection problem with adverse results
- iteria 3y ago
  I would. I'm intensively jealous of the women I know who have nabbed one. The issue is the one time I found a supposed homemaker guy he was still the same kind of abuse and stopped cooking/cleaning. It was kinda galling. How are you gonna threaten me with physical violence and I pay for everything and now I'm even cooking and cleaning every day please.