4 ms·
One major problem with the dating apps is that their search is terrible. Searching just doesn't work how you want it to work. It gives way too many results that
by lapcat 3y ago
One major problem with the dating apps is that their search is terrible. Searching just doesn't work how you want it to work. It gives way too many results that don't fit your criteria. I think this is deliberate? They don't want you to search, they want you to use their "algorithmic" matching. (This seems reminiscent of how social networks want you to use an "algorithmic" timeline rather than your own self-curated reverse chronological list.) For example, I live in a medium sized city, and I only want matches within the metro area, but the apps will give matches throughout the state and in a neighboring state, with no way to filter them out, as if I'm going to spend hours driving just for a date, and then start a difficult long-distance relationship. And I also got "likes" from way outside my geographical range. I got likes from other states and even other countries, WTF? The irrelevance is frustrating. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
And of course the ghosting is frustrating too. You manage to wade though the terrible search results to find someone who seems compatible, make the effort to write an intelligent, personalized message to them based on reading their profile, and then... nothing. It appears that a lot of people sit on the dating apps indefinitely for whatever reason, and they become "black holes" where no light ever comes out, while still clogging up the search results. If you have no feeling of urgency to meet people, then why bother being on the dating apps? The "freemium" model may be partly to be blame here, because it's free to have an account forever, as long as you don't use the "advanced" features.
I've seen it claimed that eHarmony is better about this, but I tried eHarmony, and it was absolutely not any better than the other dating apps. They all seem to be basically the same now, and are equally terrible.
- FireBeyond 3y ago> make the effort to write an intelligent, personalized message to them based on reading their profile, and then... nothing Way back in the day I tried this, and got both ends of the spectrum. Still lots of ghosts, but then also curiously, multiple girls who said that my message was "unfair" or "selfish". When I enquired why, it was because it "created an obligation - you wrote this more detailed message and now I can't just reply with 'no thanks' or 'cool, tell me more', I have to sit down and think and write a reply". Great as a filter maybe, less great for the ego. So then I wrote a template message. A couple of common paragraphs, and then a couple of inserts where I could put "choose 1 of 3 options to put in here". More soul depressing, but ended up more successful (relatively speaking).
- lapcat 3y ago> multiple girls who said that my message was "unfair" or "selfish". When I enquired why, it was because it "created an obligation Oy, another reason why online dating is so terrible. They're purposely on a dating site, looking to meet people; they created a detailed personal profile describing themselves, which attracted someone's attention; yet it's "unfair" or "selfish" to write a non-generic message? WTF! I guess that's a case of bullet dodged. Not sure I want someone with that attitude. But after you dodge all the bullets, what's left? It should actually be a lot easier to say "not interested" online to strangers than it is to say it to someone's face in person. On the other hand, it should also be a lot easier online to be at least semi-interested and have a little conversation before you judge someone as a hard no. I think this goes back to my point that a lot of people seem to be on the dating apps without having any serious commitment to dating. They're just waiting for their knight in shining armor or prince with glass slipper to come along (who never does).