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In your analysis, it seems like the growing person should be recognized by the chosen class and be given a shot at relationships. Why though? If you don’t belon

by WA 3y ago

In your analysis, it seems like the growing person should be recognized by the chosen class and be given a shot at relationships. Why though? If you don’t belong to the chosen class, find a partner that isn’t in the chosen class as well and grow together. Maybe I am mistaken, but this has a subtext of "I want to be recognized, but I don’t want to deal with disadvantaged people myself".

tomhoward 3y ago
Well, it’s not true of me, because I was lucky enough to find someone with whom to share a journey of growth (we got together in 2011, just before the dating apps took hold), and it’s worked out well for us. But I see what life is like for friends who are trying to find serious relationships/life partnerships via the apps, and how much it’s all geared towards being/seeming “the best” and finding “the right person”, and how brutal it is for their self esteem and life outlook (a good friend is at the age where she’s probably missed the chance to have children, having tried to find the right guy via the apps for many years). I often wonder how it could be better for her and other friends if there were apps/communities more geared towards finding people to grow with rather than finding someone who ticks the boxes now.
- throwaway2037 3y ago
  I'm sorry to hear that your friend is struggling to find a long term partner. When I think about dating apps, they are mostly about cold introductions. If possible, you should try to do some warm introductions from her. It seems easier to break someone's heart with shitty behaviour from a cold introduction, than a warm introduction. Cold intros are relatively anonymous so you can hide after your bad behaviour. With a warm intro, if someone does something awful, their friends will probably learn about it.
jwells89 3y ago
In some ways it may be even more difficult to find a partner to grow with than one who has already grown and will give you a chance, because there’s more questions involved. Do they have the same capacity for growth? Are they as tenacious? Will they keep up their efforts after receiving the gratification of acceptance? Etc, etc.

by WA 3y ago

tomhoward 3y ago

Well, it’s not true of me, because I was lucky enough to find someone with whom to share a journey of growth (we got together in 2011, just before the dating apps took hold), and it’s worked out well for us. But I see what life is like for friends who are trying to find serious relationships/life partnerships via the apps, and how much it’s all geared towards being/seeming “the best” and finding “the right person”, and how brutal it is for their self esteem and life outlook (a good friend is at the age where she’s probably missed the chance to have children, having tried to find the right guy via the apps for many years). I often wonder how it could be better for her and other friends if there were apps/communities more geared towards finding people to grow with rather than finding someone who ticks the boxes now.

throwaway2037 3y ago
I'm sorry to hear that your friend is struggling to find a long term partner. When I think about dating apps, they are mostly about cold introductions. If possible, you should try to do some warm introductions from her. It seems easier to break someone's heart with shitty behaviour from a cold introduction, than a warm introduction. Cold intros are relatively anonymous so you can hide after your bad behaviour. With a warm intro, if someone does something awful, their friends will probably learn about it.

jwells89 3y ago

In some ways it may be even more difficult to find a partner to grow with than one who has already grown and will give you a chance, because there’s more questions involved. Do they have the same capacity for growth? Are they as tenacious? Will they keep up their efforts after receiving the gratification of acceptance? Etc, etc.