5 ms·
As much as articles lament the alienating despair of algorithmically processed dating-app and social media culture, the popularity of these apps never declines.
by atleastoptimal 3y ago
As much as articles lament the alienating despair of algorithmically processed dating-app and social media culture, the popularity of these apps never declines. In fact, year after year they become more popular, even among those who claim to hate the apps, hate social media, and hate the way they've become a slave to a machine that commodifies their personhood.
Humans crave hierarchical signaling. Instagram, TikTok, Match group, the entire industry have invested millions of dollars into implementing every cutting edge brain-hack they can think of. They've nurtured in us a dependence on their contorted, amplified presentation of society and our sociosexual value. Year in, year out, just as the house always wins, the dopamine sink always leans in their favor.
It's primally addicting to seek concrete quantifiers of status or worth: how many DM's you get, how many likes, how many matches. As complex as the human social brain is, its measures of meaning can often collapse on single numbers because they signal something irreducible: just exactly how cool, hot, likable, valuable or important you really are. The end game of all gossip is to glean something close to these numbers, in one way or another. In real life there's always layers of illusion and nuance, but online we are presented the truth, unflinchingly.
I think people really have to grapple with something often hard to accept: there's no reason why the human social consciousness has to be good, ultimately kind, or benign. There's a possibility that the essential elements of our psyches that apps and social media have exploited aren't really all that pleasant when laid out in the open. Maybe all our whims and lusts can end up being very bad to many people through no fault of their own. Maybe there is an essential, evolutionary ugliness to human nature behind the façade of cordial, inoffensive pleasantries. In the end, we become miserable, because our mental heuristics have been granted power they never should have. Algorithmic bliss has allowed us to be far too human.
- jurynulifcation 3y agoI live in a rural, remote area without any clue how to break into a social scene. I think you're extrapolating and generalizing way too hard. It's not hierarchical for me, I just want to meet someone local to hang out with and date. Dating apps are, unfortunately, pretty much my only local connection.
- cpursley 3y agoChurch. Church ladies are algorithms that will use their network and even mesh to find you dates. Another one is gym membership with a trainer. The trainer will know lots of people and can make introductions.
- _svoh 3y agoI feel weird going to church. I get the idea but I'm not religious at all. I'm not even open to the possibility. I'd feel scummy. Also I have body image issues and do not enjoy working out around other people.
- throwaway2037 3y agoAlso I have body image issues and do not enjoy working out around other people. That sounds rough. I'm sorry to hear it. I still strongly encourage you to get exercise on your own. It will do wonders for your self-esteem and mental health. If one, you get fit enough, then you can go to the gym. Don't worry, the gym is much less social than you imagine it is. Most people are wearing headphones these days.
- bradlys 3y agoThe gym thing with a trainer is super weird dude. I’ve never heard of any trainer being like, “yeah, let me show you around to some chicks here.” If you go to a CrossFit gym then there’s a community vibe but at a typical gym - there isn’t one at all.
- cpursley 3y agoIt’s not weird at all, and that’s not even how it works. My trainer introduced me to other people and mixed groups (guys, gals, coupes, etc). Those groups all have their own networks, etc. If you vibe with some of them and become part of their groups, you naturally get introduced to new people. This also works if you move to a new area and even if you’re already in a relationship (I’m married), great for making new connections.
- sgt101 3y agoPeople made similar arguments about slavery...
- zbentley 3y agoIf that's true, doesn't that support OP's point? That behaviors that amplify hierarchy signalling can cause seriously fucked up social dynamics to develop?
- lapcat 3y ago> As much as articles lament the alienating despair of algorithmically processed dating-app and social media culture, the popularity of these apps never declines. In fact, year after year they become more popular Your claim is literally contradicted by the article: "The most up-to-date figures show the world’s most popular dating app, Tinder, saw its users drop by 5% in 2021, while shares in both Bumble and Match Group, which owns Tinder, have declined steadily over the last couple of years."
- atleastoptimal 3y agoBecause they are moving to other services/apps. Hinge in particular.
- maxlamb 3y agoConsidering the lockdowns made dating app usage surge in 2020, a more meaningful figure would be a comparison between 2019 and 2021. The fact that it dropped 5% from 2020 to 2021 given the lockdowns in 2020 makes that figure meaningless.
- brazz777 3y agoI think it is much simpler than this. I know a guy that is 35, is ripped and takes model level photos of himself. He will basically brag how he is picky on tinder. He is also 5'7" and has the most average salary. Whoever has the best looking pictures gets most of the attention. I practically grew up on the old dating sites and my weight fluctuated wildly from eating out when I was young. I can remember it was like two different experiences depending if I was on a diet and weighed 15lbs less. 15lbs was the difference between a massive amount of attention vs basically none. The idea that all that matters is how good your picture looks is so obvious but it doesn't fit the romantic stories we tell ourselves so we pretend like there are all these deep flaws in dating apps. They are doing exactly what we should expect them to do. Guys with great pictures are getting all the sex and attention at the expense of basically everyone else. Duh.
- WXLCKNO 3y agoI'm shredding now right now and some stats on Reddit that the two most successful types of pics are 1) shirtless if you have a nice body and 2) pics with an animal. So I'm gonna take a nice shirtless pic while holding my cat in one arm and have fun with it lol.
- atleastoptimal 3y agoIf you're below a certain threshold of physical attractiveness it's impossible to take "good" pictures.