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You describe a lot of processes that aren't fully conscious or intentional, whereas an average person would have control over that piece of consciousness. Your

You describe a lot of processes that aren't fully conscious or intentional, whereas an average person would have control over that piece of consciousness. Your world sounds chaotic. Making sense of chaos is never easy. Your strongly held beliefs may be a reflection of this: without them, there would be even more chaos. With them, you can eliminate extra conflict by avoiding people with different values. This doesn't look like psychopathy. You're coping with extraordinary circumstances. How other people interpret what your body is doing is a choice they make. You're not lying if your body doesn't match social expectations of meaning. It's just doing what it wants regardless of your intention. Also, be wary of mistaking coping mechanisms with a pathology.

LoganDark 3y ago
> aren't fully conscious They're conscious in the way that I can understand and explain them, but not in the way that I came up with the idea to do them. They just happened and I haven't done anything to change that. Part of that is ADHD's fault, because as soon as I started stimulants, I could just Decide that I didn't want my OCD anymore and it would go away. It's legitimately life-changing when that happens. > Your world sounds chaotic. Yeah, especially when there are multiple of me living multiple lives in parallel, and they interact in really weird ways ;-; > Also, be wary of mistaking coping mechanisms with a pathology. I know a lot about coping mechanisms. Basically everything I do is a coping mechanism. Even reading HN is a coping mechanism! But I know I have the potential for dark things given the right "push", considering my entire DID system died and basically started over when one person left.
- growingkittens 3y ago
  Living in a world of chaos means you have more opportunities to see potential darkness within yourself than the average person. Thinking about dark things can be a side effect of being exposed to the dark parts of the world constantly. Suffering is inherently dark. Systems are complex. It sounds like the DID system within your brain collapsed when a key part of the system stopped collaborating. That doesn't reflect on you: it would be like judging yourself for having an autoimmune condition, where your body is attacking itself. You don't have control over your autoimmune system. I visualize it like this. There's the part of the brain that runs the DID system, and there's the part of the brain that culminates in your consciousness, which experiences the DID system. There's cross-talk between these systems because they use the same pathways.
  - LoganDark 3y ago
    > Systems are complex. It sounds like the DID system within your brain collapsed when a key part of the system stopped collaborating. Sorry, it was not someone within the system, it was someone external. It was heartbreak after a period of deep discomfort. Don't worry, I spend a lot of my life trying to make sense of DID stuff. It's the curse of being autistic, I guess.
    - growingkittens 3y ago
      The person existed external to the DID system, but your internal system came to depend on their continued existence in your life. The DID system changed how it worked to adapt to the existence of this person. When that person left (stopped collaborating), the internal systems that depended on that person's existence collapsed. System dynamics are universal. :)

LoganDark 3y ago

> aren't fully conscious They're conscious in the way that I can understand and explain them, but not in the way that I came up with the idea to do them. They just happened and I haven't done anything to change that. Part of that is ADHD's fault, because as soon as I started stimulants, I could just Decide that I didn't want my OCD anymore and it would go away. It's legitimately life-changing when that happens. > Your world sounds chaotic. Yeah, especially when there are multiple of me living multiple lives in parallel, and they interact in really weird ways ;-; > Also, be wary of mistaking coping mechanisms with a pathology. I know a lot about coping mechanisms. Basically everything I do is a coping mechanism. Even reading HN is a coping mechanism! But I know I have the potential for dark things given the right "push", considering my entire DID system died and basically started over when one person left.

growingkittens 3y ago
Living in a world of chaos means you have more opportunities to see potential darkness within yourself than the average person. Thinking about dark things can be a side effect of being exposed to the dark parts of the world constantly. Suffering is inherently dark. Systems are complex. It sounds like the DID system within your brain collapsed when a key part of the system stopped collaborating. That doesn't reflect on you: it would be like judging yourself for having an autoimmune condition, where your body is attacking itself. You don't have control over your autoimmune system. I visualize it like this. There's the part of the brain that runs the DID system, and there's the part of the brain that culminates in your consciousness, which experiences the DID system. There's cross-talk between these systems because they use the same pathways.
- LoganDark 3y ago
  > Systems are complex. It sounds like the DID system within your brain collapsed when a key part of the system stopped collaborating. Sorry, it was not someone within the system, it was someone external. It was heartbreak after a period of deep discomfort. Don't worry, I spend a lot of my life trying to make sense of DID stuff. It's the curse of being autistic, I guess.
  - growingkittens 3y ago
    The person existed external to the DID system, but your internal system came to depend on their continued existence in your life. The DID system changed how it worked to adapt to the existence of this person. When that person left (stopped collaborating), the internal systems that depended on that person's existence collapsed. System dynamics are universal. :)