5 ms·

I sometimes use the term for children in a joking manner. If you're a large male, especially if you sport a beard, you will probably experience that smaller ch

I sometimes use the term for children in a joking manner. If you're a large male, especially if you sport a beard, you will probably experience that smaller children react to you with shyness or fear quite often. I have seen children crying when a young men entered their car. The small kid hiding behind their mother's legs is a stereotype born from real-life experiences. But the behavior often completely changes when that male person is accompanied by another child that isn't shy around them (e.g., their daughter). Apparently, there's a deep-rooted instinct in children that tells them "this one is a father and thus cannot be a bad person".

spython 3y ago
The persons child can be seen as an interface to them. The same thing happens when people meet a person with their dog - they often interact with the dog first, as it is the easier interface than telling directly to an unknown human being.
saiya-jin 3y ago
My first ever memory, at least in very subjective way, is of my late uncle leaning over the stroller. He didn't eve sport full beard, just proper black mustache, this was early 80s. I recall existential fear from that combination and of course I went bananas full power. Now as a father I know that kids don't form permanent memories until cca 2.5 years but this one is so vivid and detailed, and the whole setup must have been stroller otherwise whole memory doesn't make sense. I keep telling myself its not some invented memory or dream, but I'lll never know 100% truth. Yeah small kids don't like that stuff on strangers, maybe it moves the threat assessment into more wild territory.
- jefftk 3y ago
  People very occasionally retain earlier memories, especially of really strong experiences. Childhood amnesia isn't 100% consistent. It's also possible you were in a stroller despite being a bit older; this is something I see a lot. A kid in a stroller can be transported faster and more consistently than one walking.
  - touisteur 3y ago
    Also very useful for long walking/bus trips (endurance isn't there yet) or bad weather or still when the kid naps a bit... our twin stroller was good for 30kg for each kid.
- roomey 3y ago
  That 2.5 year thing sounds like the 5 second memory thing for goldfish. That is to say, it isn't true. The human brain is the most complex structure we know about, there is no way we can know for certain when the first memories form. There are many references to unborn babys knowing certain types of music their mother listened to while pregnant, positive associations with food that their mother ate while pregnant, crying with a particular accent etc.
- RoyalHenOil 3y ago
  I remember being mortally afraid of Santa Claus when I was a little kid, entirely due to his beard. My dad and my grandpa were the only bearded men I trusted. I don't know how old I was, though. I do, however, know for certain that I have memories from the age of 1-2 years old, which I've been able to date by relaying these memories to older family members who also remember them and having them confirm when they happened. (For example, I remember passing a Christmas gift to my great grandmother, when I would have been 1.5 years old; she died not long after. And I remember the layout of the first apartment I ever lived in, which we left shortly before my 1st birthday.) But I went through a severely traumatic experience at 3-4 years old that I believe caused me to retain older memories. I remember going through a conscious effort to retain as many memories as I could from before the event by repeatedly recalling them as frequently as I could, and although this probably caused them to become less accurate over time, I still remember them well enough that other people can recognize them and confirm them (the ones that involved other people, anyway).
The_Colonel 3y ago
> Apparently, there's a deep-rooted instinct in children that tells them "this one is a father and thus cannot be a bad person". Not just in children, I'm pretty sure that everybody's "threat detector" perceives "male" and "male with a child" completely differently. I think you're partially correct about the "bad person wouldn't have a child" stereotype, but it's also about the context. Some bad people will have children, but in their presence are likely to be risk-averse and prioritize peace and safety of their offspring. A father away from their child can OTOH get aggressive.
- soco 3y ago
  Male with dog walking in the park, not very far from what you're describing here I guess. Extra points if the dog is fluffy.
  - throwaw33333434 3y ago
    How about a Starbucks cup? ;)
    - deleted 3y ago
      [deleted]
  - optimalsolver 3y ago
    Depends on the dog, and the male, or both.
    - The_Colonel 3y ago
      Indeed, specifically breed plays a large role, since it reflects what values are important for the owner. A fighting dog is a clear red flag, even a common German Shepherd will make a person look somewhat more threatening. A Golden Retriever will on the other hand project friendliness. There are small dog breeds like Yorkshire which are rather aggressive, but in my perception they wouldn't increase the threat perception. These are of course stereotypes, they won't be true every time, but are IMHO useful as a rule of thumb.
thih9 3y ago
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_cognition https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_cognition
stef25 3y ago
It's not just kids. When I'm out on the street (in my slightly dodgy neighborhood) with my kids, people are always nice. Shopkeepers will chat, women will make eye contact and smile. When it's just me people aren't as open, women will clutch their handbags, get nervous when I suddenly cross the street toward them etc. Crazy.
wizerdrobe 3y ago
> "this one is a father and thus cannot be a bad person". If only the moms at the playground had the same instinct when I pull up in a minivan with my children. Yet for some reason I’m still “stranger danger” to them. Weird world.
- pkaeding 3y ago
  My 2 yo son and I walked into a playground in SF once and I remember these two moms (or nannies) giving me the nastiest look. I started to wonder if they could even see my son (I had recently re-watched The Sixth Sense).

spython 3y ago

The persons child can be seen as an interface to them. The same thing happens when people meet a person with their dog - they often interact with the dog first, as it is the easier interface than telling directly to an unknown human being.

saiya-jin 3y ago

My first ever memory, at least in very subjective way, is of my late uncle leaning over the stroller. He didn't eve sport full beard, just proper black mustache, this was early 80s. I recall existential fear from that combination and of course I went bananas full power. Now as a father I know that kids don't form permanent memories until cca 2.5 years but this one is so vivid and detailed, and the whole setup must have been stroller otherwise whole memory doesn't make sense. I keep telling myself its not some invented memory or dream, but I'lll never know 100% truth. Yeah small kids don't like that stuff on strangers, maybe it moves the threat assessment into more wild territory.

jefftk 3y ago
People very occasionally retain earlier memories, especially of really strong experiences. Childhood amnesia isn't 100% consistent. It's also possible you were in a stroller despite being a bit older; this is something I see a lot. A kid in a stroller can be transported faster and more consistently than one walking.
- touisteur 3y ago
  Also very useful for long walking/bus trips (endurance isn't there yet) or bad weather or still when the kid naps a bit... our twin stroller was good for 30kg for each kid.
roomey 3y ago
That 2.5 year thing sounds like the 5 second memory thing for goldfish. That is to say, it isn't true. The human brain is the most complex structure we know about, there is no way we can know for certain when the first memories form. There are many references to unborn babys knowing certain types of music their mother listened to while pregnant, positive associations with food that their mother ate while pregnant, crying with a particular accent etc.
RoyalHenOil 3y ago
I remember being mortally afraid of Santa Claus when I was a little kid, entirely due to his beard. My dad and my grandpa were the only bearded men I trusted. I don't know how old I was, though. I do, however, know for certain that I have memories from the age of 1-2 years old, which I've been able to date by relaying these memories to older family members who also remember them and having them confirm when they happened. (For example, I remember passing a Christmas gift to my great grandmother, when I would have been 1.5 years old; she died not long after. And I remember the layout of the first apartment I ever lived in, which we left shortly before my 1st birthday.) But I went through a severely traumatic experience at 3-4 years old that I believe caused me to retain older memories. I remember going through a conscious effort to retain as many memories as I could from before the event by repeatedly recalling them as frequently as I could, and although this probably caused them to become less accurate over time, I still remember them well enough that other people can recognize them and confirm them (the ones that involved other people, anyway).

The_Colonel 3y ago

> Apparently, there's a deep-rooted instinct in children that tells them "this one is a father and thus cannot be a bad person". Not just in children, I'm pretty sure that everybody's "threat detector" perceives "male" and "male with a child" completely differently. I think you're partially correct about the "bad person wouldn't have a child" stereotype, but it's also about the context. Some bad people will have children, but in their presence are likely to be risk-averse and prioritize peace and safety of their offspring. A father away from their child can OTOH get aggressive.

soco 3y ago
Male with dog walking in the park, not very far from what you're describing here I guess. Extra points if the dog is fluffy.
- throwaw33333434 3y ago
  How about a Starbucks cup? ;)
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
- optimalsolver 3y ago
  Depends on the dog, and the male, or both.
  - The_Colonel 3y ago
    Indeed, specifically breed plays a large role, since it reflects what values are important for the owner. A fighting dog is a clear red flag, even a common German Shepherd will make a person look somewhat more threatening. A Golden Retriever will on the other hand project friendliness. There are small dog breeds like Yorkshire which are rather aggressive, but in my perception they wouldn't increase the threat perception. These are of course stereotypes, they won't be true every time, but are IMHO useful as a rule of thumb.

thih9 3y ago

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_cognition https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_cognition

stef25 3y ago

It's not just kids. When I'm out on the street (in my slightly dodgy neighborhood) with my kids, people are always nice. Shopkeepers will chat, women will make eye contact and smile. When it's just me people aren't as open, women will clutch their handbags, get nervous when I suddenly cross the street toward them etc. Crazy.

wizerdrobe 3y ago

> "this one is a father and thus cannot be a bad person". If only the moms at the playground had the same instinct when I pull up in a minivan with my children. Yet for some reason I’m still “stranger danger” to them. Weird world.

pkaeding 3y ago
My 2 yo son and I walked into a playground in SF once and I remember these two moms (or nannies) giving me the nastiest look. I started to wonder if they could even see my son (I had recently re-watched The Sixth Sense).