I'm pleased to announce my new SecurityComplianceLLM which will read and analyze every security report, checking off any paperwork your enterprise requires! It

I'm pleased to announce my new SecurityComplianceLLM which will read and analyze every security report, checking off any paperwork your enterprise requires! It won't actually do anything or take meaningful actions but it will book a weekly sync meeting on everyone's calendar so you can talk about what actions you might take in the future, one day, when the stars align. For an extra $50/mo, the LLM will even email out a weekly report of what you talked about but with more charts and gifs. Unfortunately we still have not found the technology to help your enterprise adopt a sane password policy or a real 2FA method. Such advances may be beyond even the farthest reaches of mankinds intelligence.