6 ms·

That's not how you just go out - you don't go out to a bar. You meet friends, friends lots of friends. Walking groups, billiards team, church, gym, biking, hiki

That's not how you just go out - you don't go out to a bar. You meet friends, friends lots of friends. Walking groups, billiards team, church, gym, biking, hiking. You'll make strong relationships and friends this way. At the end of the year you'll be dating or married to your friends sister, or your friends sisters best friend. Don't live life "trying to score" just live life and people will be all around you. Be available.

dotnet00 3y ago
In my opinion that's genuinely not practical advice, and especially not for introverts and people with other priorities/situations. This isn't about living life "to score". For example, I personally would want to have been close with someone for at least a year before deciding to pursue something serious like marriage. If I were in my early 20s, I could afford to just make a ton of friends, maybe end up dating some of them, taking years and seeing how things play out. If I were in my 30s, I wouldn't want to spend another 5 years just dating around with people potentially uninterested in marriage. I'd want to just find people who are also looking to marry and get to know them directly, as after that there would still be the year of getting to know each other before committing. But unlike the former option, both of us would have approached the relationship with those factors already agreed upon. I've seen this sort of thing play out with aquaintances too, they were in a relationship for many years, acquaintance wanted to get married and start a family, partner stalled for a while and then decided they didn't want that. So now acquaintance is left at an age where she really just wants to deal only with people interested in marrying, she has enough friends otherwise. Similarly, other acquaintances, having made up their minds on when they want to have gotten married by, just reached out to their place of worship, which often provide similar dating services to waste less time and directly meet others with similar goals. Allowing them to put more time into solidifying their relationships before getting married.
- sublinear 3y ago
  > partner stalled for a while and then decided they didn't want that. So now acquaintance is left at an age where she really just wants to deal only with people interested in marrying, she has enough friends otherwise. Gets scarier when you consider the divorce rate. This is a much deeper topic than just dating apps. I think what others are saying is that the apps trade quality for quantity. That's why Tinder became all about hookups. There are no shortcuts.
  - dotnet00 3y ago
    Maybe this is just a matter of a large culture gap, as effectively what I'm saying is that as a result of her desire to get married sooner, my acquaintance has become more open to what are effectively arranged marriages (without being forced by family and having time to get to know the potential partner) rather than solely pursuing a typical approach. As for the divorce rate, arranged marriages have a 4% divorce rate in the US, compared to the 40% rate for the typical approach, although of course this statistic has all sorts of priors involved regarding what type of person typically goes for an arranged marriage. I do however agree that this is might not be too relevant in the context of an app famous for being used for hookups, but on the other hand, the intent of this social suggestion feature is obviously to compete with other more 'serious' dating services in leading to longer term relationships.

dotnet00 3y ago

In my opinion that's genuinely not practical advice, and especially not for introverts and people with other priorities/situations. This isn't about living life "to score". For example, I personally would want to have been close with someone for at least a year before deciding to pursue something serious like marriage. If I were in my early 20s, I could afford to just make a ton of friends, maybe end up dating some of them, taking years and seeing how things play out. If I were in my 30s, I wouldn't want to spend another 5 years just dating around with people potentially uninterested in marriage. I'd want to just find people who are also looking to marry and get to know them directly, as after that there would still be the year of getting to know each other before committing. But unlike the former option, both of us would have approached the relationship with those factors already agreed upon. I've seen this sort of thing play out with aquaintances too, they were in a relationship for many years, acquaintance wanted to get married and start a family, partner stalled for a while and then decided they didn't want that. So now acquaintance is left at an age where she really just wants to deal only with people interested in marrying, she has enough friends otherwise. Similarly, other acquaintances, having made up their minds on when they want to have gotten married by, just reached out to their place of worship, which often provide similar dating services to waste less time and directly meet others with similar goals. Allowing them to put more time into solidifying their relationships before getting married.

sublinear 3y ago
> partner stalled for a while and then decided they didn't want that. So now acquaintance is left at an age where she really just wants to deal only with people interested in marrying, she has enough friends otherwise. Gets scarier when you consider the divorce rate. This is a much deeper topic than just dating apps. I think what others are saying is that the apps trade quality for quantity. That's why Tinder became all about hookups. There are no shortcuts.
- dotnet00 3y ago
  Maybe this is just a matter of a large culture gap, as effectively what I'm saying is that as a result of her desire to get married sooner, my acquaintance has become more open to what are effectively arranged marriages (without being forced by family and having time to get to know the potential partner) rather than solely pursuing a typical approach. As for the divorce rate, arranged marriages have a 4% divorce rate in the US, compared to the 40% rate for the typical approach, although of course this statistic has all sorts of priors involved regarding what type of person typically goes for an arranged marriage. I do however agree that this is might not be too relevant in the context of an app famous for being used for hookups, but on the other hand, the intent of this social suggestion feature is obviously to compete with other more 'serious' dating services in leading to longer term relationships.