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I'm curious if other Americans have any advice about how to make friends. I find it obnoxiously and unnecessarily difficult, and I don't think I'm alone. I don

I'm curious if other Americans have any advice about how to make friends. I find it obnoxiously and unnecessarily difficult, and I don't think I'm alone. I don't enjoy any of the community or volunteer events in my area (I have tried everything regular, but nothing has stuck). I moved here for work, so I don't have any friends or family support structure in the area. Everyone gets around by car, even though it is extremely walkable here (a personal preference), so I don't even see my neighbors except for when they drive their cars in and out of their driveway. I know that social isolation is awful for my health. I know that making new friends can be tough at first; you need to hang out with someone enough times in a row to overcome the initial awkwardness and build up mutual understanding. But how the hell am I supposed to meet up with people repeatedly when I have to bend over backwards to fit socialization in between work, feeding myself, exercising, and cleaning (let alone other tasks)? Not to mention that, even working remotely, I'm often so drained after a workday that I don't feel up to socializing. The only place to 'hang out' in most parts is the library (not conducive to chat) and bars/breweries (expensive, unhealthy, and home to a... certain demographic). I've heard that other countries supposedly have better work/life balance than the USA. Do folks who have experienced this contrast find it easier to make friends elsewhere?

polishdude20 3y ago
One suggestion is to sign up for an improv class. Lots of socialization there.
mrDmrTmrJ 3y ago
Great question. As an American, I find going to the gym/exercising alone boring. I try to get my exercise with a group of people friends. Often this isn't possible. But I've got several activities in my life that I do with a group of people and often those people become close friends. For example, I know many people who are close to those in their yoga group. Or beach volleyball group. I like to hike or do outdoor activities with friends. Basically anything that gets your heart rate up, with a group of people, allows you to build friendship + social connections and not be bored while exercising.
OfSanguineFire 3y ago
While your local library might not be conducive to chatting, the new generation of libraries (you know, the ones with few visible books) are trying to play the role of a community hangout like cafes or pubs. For example, when Helsinki opened its new central library Oodi, it came complete with signs hung that said people were invited to talk and hangout for hours, and shushing other people wasn't allowed. But now that I think about it, that development might not make it to the USA inasmuch as that country wholeheartedly embraced the concept of "no loitering".
argiopetech 3y ago
I always recommend coffee shops (even if you drink tea/milk/whatever) over bars. Come regularly, stay off your phone, sit where you can see the room (and be seen by others, particularly coming in the door), and have a smile and nod for everyone. The acquaintances you make in the coffee shop will lead you to the next step to integrate with the community. This said, it sounds like you've moved somewhere that isn't "you". You can't fix your neighbors insular nature, or their tendency to drive, or the community /volunteer opportunities that don't speak to you. I recommend putting your efforts to finding a place you like, then work on friends there. P.s., You may not find the friends you expect. Keep an open mind.
nathants 3y ago
try fortnite duo fills with a mic. other fill games too, but stick to duos.
- willcipriano 3y ago
  During a lonely period in my life I met two other travelers playing Uno on Xbox Live. We played every night, games had 4 players and matchmaking so we would essentially bust on the new person who joined until they left and were replaced by someone new. Never got even a first name, didn't talk about life or struggles, just cracked jokes. Eventually I made friends in real life and drifted away from gaming but it helped me get past a relatively dark period. Fortnite is a great place to start.
ianburrell 3y ago
I am awful at it too. Activities and hobbies are the way to meet people if don’t like socializing at bars or parties. You have a common interest to talk about, you are doing something together, and you may see them again at another event. Finally, you can connect with them outside the activity. This is where I fall down.
matthewdgreen 3y ago
Group exercise. CrossFit or something like Brazilian Jujitsu. Try a bunch of classes if the first one doesn’t work out. Worst case is you get in better shape.

polishdude20 3y ago

One suggestion is to sign up for an improv class. Lots of socialization there.

mrDmrTmrJ 3y ago

Great question. As an American, I find going to the gym/exercising alone boring. I try to get my exercise with a group of people friends. Often this isn't possible. But I've got several activities in my life that I do with a group of people and often those people become close friends. For example, I know many people who are close to those in their yoga group. Or beach volleyball group. I like to hike or do outdoor activities with friends. Basically anything that gets your heart rate up, with a group of people, allows you to build friendship + social connections and not be bored while exercising.

OfSanguineFire 3y ago

While your local library might not be conducive to chatting, the new generation of libraries (you know, the ones with few visible books) are trying to play the role of a community hangout like cafes or pubs. For example, when Helsinki opened its new central library Oodi, it came complete with signs hung that said people were invited to talk and hangout for hours, and shushing other people wasn't allowed. But now that I think about it, that development might not make it to the USA inasmuch as that country wholeheartedly embraced the concept of "no loitering".

argiopetech 3y ago

I always recommend coffee shops (even if you drink tea/milk/whatever) over bars. Come regularly, stay off your phone, sit where you can see the room (and be seen by others, particularly coming in the door), and have a smile and nod for everyone. The acquaintances you make in the coffee shop will lead you to the next step to integrate with the community. This said, it sounds like you've moved somewhere that isn't "you". You can't fix your neighbors insular nature, or their tendency to drive, or the community /volunteer opportunities that don't speak to you. I recommend putting your efforts to finding a place you like, then work on friends there. P.s., You may not find the friends you expect. Keep an open mind.

nathants 3y ago

try fortnite duo fills with a mic. other fill games too, but stick to duos.

willcipriano 3y ago
During a lonely period in my life I met two other travelers playing Uno on Xbox Live. We played every night, games had 4 players and matchmaking so we would essentially bust on the new person who joined until they left and were replaced by someone new. Never got even a first name, didn't talk about life or struggles, just cracked jokes. Eventually I made friends in real life and drifted away from gaming but it helped me get past a relatively dark period. Fortnite is a great place to start.

ianburrell 3y ago

I am awful at it too. Activities and hobbies are the way to meet people if don’t like socializing at bars or parties. You have a common interest to talk about, you are doing something together, and you may see them again at another event. Finally, you can connect with them outside the activity. This is where I fall down.

matthewdgreen 3y ago

Group exercise. CrossFit or something like Brazilian Jujitsu. Try a bunch of classes if the first one doesn’t work out. Worst case is you get in better shape.