I feel your pain, except in my case it's the crippling inability to use SQLCLR in Azure SQL, so we can't even do things like use a Regex to clean-up data in-sit

I feel your pain, except in my case it's the crippling inability to use SQLCLR in Azure SQL, so we can't even do things like use a Regex to clean-up data in-situ. Yeargh.