> Are folks willing to help? Or am I just a signal in the noise to be discarded when I'm no longer useful? I've never killed or raped anyone. I'm not a monster.

> Are folks willing to help? Or am I just a signal in the noise to be discarded when I'm no longer useful? I've never killed or raped anyone. I'm not a monster. And yet you seem to have no problem making threats to random people on the internet. If you do this on the internet, who knows what you do in real life? I wouldn't say what you're doing is that much better, and to be frank you are on the way to becoming a "monster" if you aren't already one. You certainly are not employable right now. The fact that you have been hurt by other people who have acted like monsters doesn't excuse that; rather, that's generally how "monsters" are created (the cycle of suffering). Many people have suffered the kind of trauma you have suffered but without going in the direction you have gone with your life. The sooner you recognize that, the better. You've made a lot of excuses for your poor life decisions that you blame on your family, on people you used to work for, on those who have wronged you, on really everyone but yourself. You haven't taken responsibility for the direction your life has taken. Until you do that, why would the direction of your life ever change? After all, you're mistakenly believing other people have the power to change something about your life that only you can change. I'm not a doctor. But, as others have mentioned in this thread, it really doesn't seem like you're okay. And it seems like you either are not in the right state of mind to understand your own problems, or you are in denial of them, or maybe a little of both. You wouldn't ask Reddit what to do about a gunshot wound you received; you'd call 911 and take yourself to a hospital. Your current situation may be more similar to that than you may realize. You really need to speak to a clinician; it's possible that psychiatric medication or some other kind of other clinical intervention could help save your life. But again -- only you can make that choice.