i was in a similar spot. did not want to do anything, i felt useless, it was terrible and like i was in the bottom of a hole with no way out. i found myself in

i was in a similar spot. did not want to do anything, i felt useless, it was terrible and like i was in the bottom of a hole with no way out. i found myself in tears often. i tried exercising (i run everyday) and being more active but it was still not clicking. after much deliberation, i talked to my doctor and i got on antidepressants, SSRI's. i did not want to take them but i was willing to try anything because i could imagine ending my life, something that was profound and pretty eye opening when i discussed it with a third party. i took them for 6 months and weaned off of them once i noticed they had gripped my personality in a weird way and were starting to turn me into a different being: someone who didn't want to end their life, but someone who was finding very little pleasure in life. maybe try LSD, it works wonders when you want to change your mind, but you have to respect it and work with a therapist/sitter who can help guide you. its amazing what your mind can do. someone told me if i could make it through my rut, then i could emerge on the other side, stronger than ever. they were right. in and through, it's the only way. put on a kettle and make some tea for your depression, sit down with it and talk to it, understand it, don't force it out. in and through. it's the only way. you can do it. don't give up.