4 ms·

It’s good to appreciate that people can be really different. For me your suggestion is a catch-22. For me to have a _close_ friendship with someone I need to li

It’s good to appreciate that people can be really different. For me your suggestion is a catch-22. For me to have a _close_ friendship with someone I need to like them a lot. But knowing myself, if I like someone a lot I _will_ fall in love. As in, this has happened and not once. My wife on the other hand is a direct opposite of that. From having discussed past relationships, I don’t think she even knows what falling for someone the way I tend(ed) to do even feels like. I know that she loves me dearly, but that’s the kind of slow-burning long-term kind of love. So, thanks, but no thanks. Following your advice would wreck my life. Not that I have any problem with masculinity though. I doubt anyone sees me as super masculine to begin with.

kredd 3y ago
Totally fair, I guess I should not be making such generalized comments. Probably a lot of self-selection bias happening in my bubble too.
- jgilias 3y ago
  I think your comment is totally fine to be honest! I used to be one of those people who believed that opposite gender close friendships are not possible, but then I came to realize that I’ve just been projecting myself onto other people. I know people who have close, long-term friendships like that, and it’s working out just fine! So, yeah, people are different!
amanaplanacanal 3y ago
I think this was one of the reasons that made me decide that poly was the way to go. Plus the fact that I don’t really get jealous. So far so good!
mock-possum 3y ago
So does falling for someone prevent you from being their friend?
- jgilias 3y ago
  Yes, totally, being ‘just a friend’ to someone you’ve fallen for romantically is a totally miserable experience. For me at least.
  - mock-possum 3y ago
    I know that’s kind of the cliche, but - what is it, exactly, that makes it miserable for you? Is it just wanting something and not being able to have it? Why can’t you just date someone else who’s actually into you, and be just a friend to this person? I’ve never had this cliche issue cause I’m a weirdo, and i think the best explanation I can come up for why it works for me is - i always think of relationships as friendships. My partner is my best friend because he has to be - I wouldn’t be with him otherwise, close friendship is the basis for a romantic relationship for me. And they don’t want the romantic portion, then the friendship is still there, and friendship is worthwhile on its own… I just don’t get the “it has to be all or nothing with me” mindset.

kredd 3y ago

Totally fair, I guess I should not be making such generalized comments. Probably a lot of self-selection bias happening in my bubble too.

jgilias 3y ago
I think your comment is totally fine to be honest! I used to be one of those people who believed that opposite gender close friendships are not possible, but then I came to realize that I’ve just been projecting myself onto other people. I know people who have close, long-term friendships like that, and it’s working out just fine! So, yeah, people are different!

amanaplanacanal 3y ago

I think this was one of the reasons that made me decide that poly was the way to go. Plus the fact that I don’t really get jealous. So far so good!

mock-possum 3y ago

So does falling for someone prevent you from being their friend?

jgilias 3y ago
Yes, totally, being ‘just a friend’ to someone you’ve fallen for romantically is a totally miserable experience. For me at least.
- mock-possum 3y ago
  I know that’s kind of the cliche, but - what is it, exactly, that makes it miserable for you? Is it just wanting something and not being able to have it? Why can’t you just date someone else who’s actually into you, and be just a friend to this person? I’ve never had this cliche issue cause I’m a weirdo, and i think the best explanation I can come up for why it works for me is - i always think of relationships as friendships. My partner is my best friend because he has to be - I wouldn’t be with him otherwise, close friendship is the basis for a romantic relationship for me. And they don’t want the romantic portion, then the friendship is still there, and friendship is worthwhile on its own… I just don’t get the “it has to be all or nothing with me” mindset.