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I can say that after lurking various relationship related subreddits. The problem seems that folks can't have relationship (romantic or otherwise) in the first

by eunos 3y ago

I can say that after lurking various relationship related subreddits. The problem seems that folks can't have relationship (romantic or otherwise) in the first place.

squigz 3y ago
I think it's worth pointing out that, at least IMO, nothing about this is new or inherent to the Internet or technology. Most people have always struggled with healthy relationships - the key difference is that in the past, we had much less choice with regards to the relationships we had to maintain: it was harder to get away from one's biological family, for instance
- RandomLensman 3y ago
  These days you can avoid a lot of direct human-human interaction, which means there is no or little training. Wasn't easy to live that way not too long ago.
  - squigz 3y ago
    If you mean "face-to-face" contact, sure, but I don't think human-to-human contact has decreased if you consider social media, chat platforms, games, etc - it's still humans on the other side The issue seems to me to be that people don't recognize or internalize that fact - they treat interactions with people on the Internet as somehow less important than those "in person." I don't quite get it, but then, I've spent most of my life on the Internet, developing more healthy relationships than most "offline" people I know.
    - RandomLensman 3y ago
      Not about importance. However, it is filtered contact - very different from unfiltered human interaction. You can, for example, always disengage on internet - in real live that isn't always an option (no-one stays physically in your space, for example, or throws up on your shoes). Internet vs physical is a different skill-set - the messiness level on latter is just much higher.
- eunos 3y ago
  This is a huge problem in our time since you can't apply progressive measure to ameliorate.
  - squigz 3y ago
    Could you please elaborate on what you mean?
    - nonbirithm 3y ago
      Not the parent, but it could mean that for some reason (biological, environmental or otherwise) some people don't receive as much pleasure from social contact as others. It could run the scale from mere introversion to pathological. To my knowledge there isn't a pill you can take that makes you more interested in a particular topic. (Although, when I think about it, anhedonia could be a symptom of depression so it could be addressed with medication. But some people don't have motivation to pursue treatment.) Also, if one's social skills are lacking it's even harder to get treatment, if it's difficult to articulate the problem or why a stranger should care about them. One's social standards for failure could be set so high as a result of their past that only an AI or other parasocial method could be designed to clear them.
    - eunos 3y ago
      Sorry for the late response. What I mean by "progressive" here is that ability to divert resource from have to have-not, like progressive tax taking much bigger percentage from rich folks to fund program that benefits much poorer folks. I think there's a claim that in online dating, top x% (x is a small number) got the majority of the match. Assuming that there's a huge inherent inequality in charisma, likeability, social skills, etc. You cant really distribute them to those who need.
Balgair 3y ago
I'd take any subreddit's population with a cubic meter sized solid salt crystal. It's just like all the stories that are a wall of text without a TLDR at the bottom; you know they're totally made up entertainment.
- eunos 3y ago
  r/lonely seems authentic of the issue

by eunos 3y ago

I can say that after lurking various relationship related subreddits. The problem seems that folks can't have relationship (romantic or otherwise) in the first place.

squigz 3y ago

I think it's worth pointing out that, at least IMO, nothing about this is new or inherent to the Internet or technology. Most people have always struggled with healthy relationships - the key difference is that in the past, we had much less choice with regards to the relationships we had to maintain: it was harder to get away from one's biological family, for instance

RandomLensman 3y ago
These days you can avoid a lot of direct human-human interaction, which means there is no or little training. Wasn't easy to live that way not too long ago.
- squigz 3y ago
  If you mean "face-to-face" contact, sure, but I don't think human-to-human contact has decreased if you consider social media, chat platforms, games, etc - it's still humans on the other side The issue seems to me to be that people don't recognize or internalize that fact - they treat interactions with people on the Internet as somehow less important than those "in person." I don't quite get it, but then, I've spent most of my life on the Internet, developing more healthy relationships than most "offline" people I know.
  - RandomLensman 3y ago
    Not about importance. However, it is filtered contact - very different from unfiltered human interaction. You can, for example, always disengage on internet - in real live that isn't always an option (no-one stays physically in your space, for example, or throws up on your shoes). Internet vs physical is a different skill-set - the messiness level on latter is just much higher.
eunos 3y ago
This is a huge problem in our time since you can't apply progressive measure to ameliorate.
- squigz 3y ago
  Could you please elaborate on what you mean?
  - nonbirithm 3y ago
    Not the parent, but it could mean that for some reason (biological, environmental or otherwise) some people don't receive as much pleasure from social contact as others. It could run the scale from mere introversion to pathological. To my knowledge there isn't a pill you can take that makes you more interested in a particular topic. (Although, when I think about it, anhedonia could be a symptom of depression so it could be addressed with medication. But some people don't have motivation to pursue treatment.) Also, if one's social skills are lacking it's even harder to get treatment, if it's difficult to articulate the problem or why a stranger should care about them. One's social standards for failure could be set so high as a result of their past that only an AI or other parasocial method could be designed to clear them.
  - eunos 3y ago
    Sorry for the late response. What I mean by "progressive" here is that ability to divert resource from have to have-not, like progressive tax taking much bigger percentage from rich folks to fund program that benefits much poorer folks. I think there's a claim that in online dating, top x% (x is a small number) got the majority of the match. Assuming that there's a huge inherent inequality in charisma, likeability, social skills, etc. You cant really distribute them to those who need.

Balgair 3y ago

I'd take any subreddit's population with a cubic meter sized solid salt crystal. It's just like all the stories that are a wall of text without a TLDR at the bottom; you know they're totally made up entertainment.

eunos 3y ago
r/lonely seems authentic of the issue