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I'm not sure if that tracks in the field. I am currently experiencing such a case where a friend I previously trusted 100% and considered loyal has turned into

I'm not sure if that tracks in the field. I am currently experiencing such a case where a friend I previously trusted 100% and considered loyal has turned into a complete psychopath on a self-destructive warpath in which I am in the square center. And I can list plenty of other such cases in my life. That said, I have some friendships which I do still put 100% in, and receive in kind, and I'm glad I have them. But I went through countless wasted relationships and hardships inflicted by others in order to know that these friends are the real ones. And I want to say that the process was worth it; But this idea that friends are extremely loyal to each other seems entirely unfounded in modern society. I recommend Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone which breaks down the problems modern America and Western society in general are facing regarding civil action, friendship and loyalty.

huytersd 3y ago
“Putting in a 100%” is the exact opposite of what I’m recommending. You have to put in 0%, a friendship has to be effortless, something you don’t spend brain cycles on. A key part of this is being reasonable and level headed and making friends with the same mindset.
- soulofmischief 3y ago
  But that stands in direct opposition with the claim > Friends are extremely loyal to each other and you have to be able to trust that the other person will act in your best interest. because you're trusting your friends will act with above 0% effort. I actually expect a lot of my friends, and they expect a lot of me. I'm not talking financially, or anything like that. I mean I expect them to be invested in the friendship itself. I don't care to associate with people who don't see friendships as investments. Things to be nurtured, protected, grown and depended upon. Many people are very OK with having such friendships but I am enough of an introvert that friendship has to give me some amount of value that is more than what I create for myself when left to my own devices. And that requires a level of commitment from myself well above 0%.
  - huytersd 3y ago
    It’s not contradictory. It takes zero effort to keep someone’s secrets. It takes almost no effort to chat with and hang out with someone that I’m comfortable with, atleast anecdotally. It takes zero effort to back someone wholeheartedly in a situation. On a tangent another thing between my friends and I is a constant stream of barbless insults. It keeps things light, fun and airy.

huytersd 3y ago

“Putting in a 100%” is the exact opposite of what I’m recommending. You have to put in 0%, a friendship has to be effortless, something you don’t spend brain cycles on. A key part of this is being reasonable and level headed and making friends with the same mindset.

soulofmischief 3y ago
But that stands in direct opposition with the claim > Friends are extremely loyal to each other and you have to be able to trust that the other person will act in your best interest. because you're trusting your friends will act with above 0% effort. I actually expect a lot of my friends, and they expect a lot of me. I'm not talking financially, or anything like that. I mean I expect them to be invested in the friendship itself. I don't care to associate with people who don't see friendships as investments. Things to be nurtured, protected, grown and depended upon. Many people are very OK with having such friendships but I am enough of an introvert that friendship has to give me some amount of value that is more than what I create for myself when left to my own devices. And that requires a level of commitment from myself well above 0%.
- huytersd 3y ago
  It’s not contradictory. It takes zero effort to keep someone’s secrets. It takes almost no effort to chat with and hang out with someone that I’m comfortable with, atleast anecdotally. It takes zero effort to back someone wholeheartedly in a situation. On a tangent another thing between my friends and I is a constant stream of barbless insults. It keeps things light, fun and airy.