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I think one of the worst things about society right now is we don’t share the burden amongst ourselves. The dirty work so to speak is delegated to specialists a

by heyoni 3y ago

I think one of the worst things about society right now is we don’t share the burden amongst ourselves. The dirty work so to speak is delegated to specialists and our hands stay completely clean. I’m not saying pet owners should euthanize their animals but staying there in the room while the vet did their work probably helped, and the article mentions that owners leaving is part of the problem.

giantg2 3y ago
I think there are still a number if people who would euthanize their own animals. But to your point, it seems a large part of society has completely detected from the realities of life. How many know what it takes to grow/process food, or butcher an animal for meat, etc? No, that just comes in a package at the store...
- Arrath 3y ago
  > I think there are still a number if people who would euthanize their own animals. I would lean towards agreeing with you. Anecdotes aren't data etc etc but my uncle couldn't bring himself to take his dog into a sterile and impersonal vet's office when it was his dog's time, nor could he bring himself to doing the deed himself, so he and my dad worked together to do it. For a stoic old logger, army mechanic, and construction worker, it broke him for a while.
Exuma 3y ago
One of my favorite cats has a bad tumor and a 3 month expected life span. I found out a few days ago. I’m shattered and the thought of having to be in the room or not is just super depressing. I’ve never lost a pet before or even someone very close to me. I’m scared for how bad it’s going to hurt Part of me (most of me) wants to be there to feel the pain in the deepest way and not bitch out. To be there for the last breath Oh man I feel so bad
- mozman 3y ago
  Never let your friend die alone.
  - pengaru 3y ago
    We all die alone.
    - nyc_data_geek1 3y ago
      Except those of us lucky enough to die in the arms of the one we treasure most in this world.
      - pengaru 3y ago
        Keep telling yourself that. It's a solo experience.
        jhardy54 3y ago
        [flagged]
- rm_-rf_slash 3y ago
  You can ask your vet for a home visit. Let them pass in a place that they know is safe and loving.
  - at_a_remove 3y ago
    I did that. I am told it usually goes well. Mine did not go well. I was a wreck for about two weeks after.
  - WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
    I was wondering about that. I'd hate to make their last hours full of freakout. I'd most prefer doing the euthanization myself. It feels like something that should be my responsibility.
    - rm_-rf_slash 3y ago
      I fed my pupper the biggest spoonful of peanut butter he’d ever seen, he fell asleep peacefully. When the vet switched to the euthanizing agent, he didn’t move a muscle.
- MandieD 3y ago
  My little parrot died in my hands, and while it was sad, I was (and still am) glad that she didn’t die alone. She’d been ill, and I was about to take her back to the vet to have that final shot, so it was not shocking. Be there for your friend. It won’t make the hurt go away, and it may even be a bit scary, but it will help your healing process.
  - lapetitejort 3y ago
    I brought a sick cockatiel to the vet. They couldn't take care of him right away so I left. A few hours later I got a call that the bird was in cardiac arrest, and wanted to know if they should intervene. I quickly decided no, he should pass in peace. The household was in a panic for a few moments, then we were distraught. That was the worst phone call I've been on in my life. Its effects have not been fully processed over a year later. That is not how you're supposed to find out your pet passed. I know now not to take a visibly sick bird to the vet as it's already too late. I can only hope that I remember this lesson in the horrible case it happens again.
    - MandieD 3y ago
      I’m sorry that you and your family had to experience the loss of your cockatiel that way, and wish the vet had told you to take your little friend home instead. Regular vets who aren’t avian specialists really can’t do much for pet birds aside from mending injuries; an avian specialist can help you diagnose diet issues before the bird is critically ill, so it might still be worth taking in a bird that seems a bit under the weather to see if it is a diet issue - an awful lot of pet bird problems are diet issues. I took mine to one to have a microchip implanted before exporting her to Germany; not a huge deal with big parrots (they can be injected into the wing), but for small conures, it involves general anesthesia, so I went out of my way to find someone who had a lot of avian experience. But yes, once a pet bird appears seriously ill, it’s likely too late to do anything other than keep it warm and in a place it feels safe, and let nature take its course. As far as I know, pretty much all animals, especially prey animals, hide illnesses and injuries, and that is definitely the case for parrots.
- Mezzie 3y ago
  Be there. I have had a cat die unexpectedly (heart failure) and she was in the car on the way to the vet when she died. She held on in the back seat until I was able to pull over and be with her. She was looking for me. You owe it to be there.
  - Exuma 3y ago
    Ok I will definitely do it then. How long did it take to not feel just truly awful? Like I said... Ive never experienced that much grief/pain from loss before. I am scared how bad it will be, or what to expect.
    - endemic 3y ago
      There was a scene in the movie "Don't Look Up" where Leonardo DiCaprio's character talks about losing the family dog. He says, "I've never cried so much before." That was pretty much my experience after losing my first dog. I felt pretty terrible for a day or two, but the grief went down over a week or so. My wife also pushed pretty hard for getting a new puppy, which helped with the "empty house" feeling.
    - zargon 3y ago
      When I lost my cat of 13 years, the first few weeks were terrible. Even just the feeling of emptiness in the house. And everything reminded me of her. For 6 months I could not talk about her without crying. But it's OK to feel this. I would rather feel it than not. It's a reflection of the wonderful companionship we had.
    - CogitoCogito 3y ago
      In my experience, the actual death brings a feeling of relief. This has been my experience for both dying pets and family members. It’s hard but it’s a part of life. It’s gonna be alright.
    - Mezzie 3y ago
      It was my first time losing anyone/anything close to me as well. I was acutely distressed for a good month and basically non functional for a week or so, which is embarrassing to admit, but this cat was with me through some really dark times when no people were there for me. I was holding her body and just wailing when we got home - I was a 30 something year old woman and I needed my mom to come over to manage what to actually do. There is no shame in the pain - it means you love your kitty.
- heyoni 3y ago
  I don't know if this is bad advice or not but maybe take some valerian root or something like it before going in if you're worried about being overwhelmed. This is 100% bro science coming from me, but there are real studies studying the effects of propranolol on patients with PTSD where they purposely trigger the offending memory while on the drug in order to rewire the sensations associated with the memory. It doesn't have to be traumatizing and you won't be alone.
- acegopher 3y ago
  I'm so sorry about your cat. You have my condolences. It's going to hurt. Real bad. But you will come through. Life is precious because it is hard, not because it is easy. Be there for your cat. Let your touch, smell, and sight be what your cat remembers as they pass. And sit with your grief. I'm getting teary-eyed just typing this as I remember doing the same for my little Abbi, a 14-year old Shih-Tsu mutt I euthanized over a year ago. And that's ok. It's ok to be sad. You will be sad. Cry, let it come out. Ironically, you will feel better than trying to "be strong" or hold it in.
  - Exuma 3y ago
    Thank you :( Your words make sense and I appreciate it. I havent really cried much in the last 10 years, maybe 2 times. So it feels very weird. I just started crying in the car while driving thinking of this post, and that is really new to me. I am very sorry about Abbi
- arachnid92 3y ago
  Be there. My family recently had to put down one of my family's beagles who had been with us for 15 years. She was blind, could barely walk, and was having trouble keeping food down, and we decided it was time for her to go to prevent her from suffering. My father, my sister, and I were in the room all together when the vet put her to sleep, and me and my sister held her until she stopped breathing altogether. It hurt, and I keep crying every time I think about it, but OTOH I am absolutely certain us being there made her feel safe and calm, and made it easier for her to pass in peace. The fact that I was able to be there and say goodbye in her final moments is a memory that, although very painful, I treasure tremendously.
  - tlavoie 3y ago
    Absolutely, this. Being that human companion that's there with them to the end is terrible, and I wouldn't do without it. I've done it a few times now over the years, and see it as part of the price I pay for all they give me through our time together. As a contrast, I was something like 13 when my mom took our dog in for euthanasia, without telling us kids that it was happening. They thought they were sparing us some pain, but I found it devastating. Getting home from school, "where's Buddy?" "Um...." No, be there. It's always better in the end.
- dan_quixote 3y ago
  You should be there. It won't be easy, but you will revisit this memory many times in the future. Each time you think about it later, you won't regret being there. You will, however, regret NOT being there. And know that it gets easier.
- whartung 3y ago
  I remember when a friend of mine had to let go of his dog. Paraphrasing, he said something like "I've been there since almost birth, commanded and controlled every aspect of his life, but who am I to choose this." It's a dreadful responsibility, but it is just that -- a responsibility. When the pet goes to their forever home, this is part of forever. I have personal issues with it being "scheduled", that just tears me up. That at 12pm there will be this life, and 12:01, there won't. But at the same time, it's on us as caretakers to not let the slow decline turn into a spike of severe suffering. Sudden, crushing pain. Struggles breathing, etc. Crisis may well dictate when the time has arrived, some escalation (like not eating). Sometimes its just "We have an opening on Tuesday". This is not what we necessarily signed up for, but it's the job. As the others say, be there, hold them, hold them and let them go. You are their everything. This process is part and parcel to loving them. Fond farewell as they cross the rainbow bridge. Sorry about your cat.
- zeku 3y ago
  Focus on how good of a life you've given your cat. Be there for it when it passes if you can. My childhood dog had cancer and ended up having a seizure in my arms. Later I buried him myself. Being there for him and burying him myself gave me a lot of closure and I'm proud I was able to be his friend and give him a good life.
- burntsushi 3y ago
  I just did this for my cat Cauchy about 10 days ago. It was brutally difficult. But I was so glad ("glad" seems like a gross word in this context, not sure how to phrase it) I was there with him in his final moments and that he was able to die painlessly in my arms. My vet had a "back door" entrance for these sorts of things. I took them up on it and I needed that.
- raffraffraff 3y ago
  I've been there several times, and I know I'll have to do it at least 8 more times before I die. I will always have dogs because "I'm a dog person". I love them. I have two greyhounds on my couch right now. (Always two). 3 years ago I had to have lovely Lily put to sleep because she was 14, had bad arthritis, and years of meds had taken their toll. I was sad but I didn't second guess it at all. I gave her a wonderful home, and I doted on her. The last thing to do "for her" was prevent further suffering. 2 years before that, I did it with Zuni, a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent dog. He had lung cancer. He was only 11, but he was already starting to suffer, and I simply couldn't bare to put him through any more. It's easier to deal with your own pain of loss than to watch him slowly deteriorate and wheeze and suffer more every day. No regrets. 5 years before that (yes, I was unlucky) I had to put Pasha to sleep because she had bone cancer. She was 6. My first dog, as an adult with my own home. That was the first time I ever had to make that decision. I was wracked with guilt and worry that I wasn't finding some other way for her to live. I got second and third opinions, scoured the internet looking for novel treatments. I eventually had her put to sleep because she was in so much pain and the vet said "there is nothing you can do, I've seen this a thousand times". My only regret with Pasha is that, in my fear, I failed to do the one thing that was in my power, for her: prevent suffering. That's my only regret. When you hit 50 and you're on your Nth dog, you don't so much "just go through the motions and then get another dog" when you're dog dies. That makes it seem cold. It's always painful. But these days I accept that I'm "a dog person", and that I'll always have a space in my heart and on my sofa. There are thousands of dogs that need homes right now. And as sad as I'll be when one of these two muppets gets terminal, I'll do the right thing. Then I'll wait a few weeks, and go straight to the pound. It's not cold and mechanical. It doesn't diminish the love I have for these two idiots, or for Lily, Zuni or Pasha. What I've realized is that the two worst things are: - their pain - you worrying about their pain Honestly, while the moment of death is a terrible thing, it's always peaceful. It's always a release.
- hoorible 3y ago
  Be there. I was 14 when we had to put our first animal down; my mom, someone I guess you’d describe as hyper-emotional, was a wreck. A year later we had another, thankfully just of old age, but she “couldn’t bear it again” so I was in the vet by myself because I didn’t want my cat to be alone when she passed. It sure sucked doing it alone and feeling like I had to be the grownup, but I’ve never regretted my choice. If you need to bring a friend to help get you through it, then do. But be there, no matter what. The closure that it offers is invaluable. I’m so sorry. I hope you both find peace.
bengale 3y ago
I wonder if that's true. You're putting the animal out of its misery in many cases, but for a lot of people in the room you're a key part of one of the worst moments for them. I think of the last one I went though that was unexpected, how many people have to stand in a room and watch two grown adults lay on the floor and truly sob, to see their hearts break. I can't imagine the empathy for the love people feel for animals makes it any easier.
the_doctah 3y ago
I often think that I would prefer to euthanize my dog myself. He is absolutely terrified of going to the vet (of strangers as well), and having to do it there makes it that much worse. I'm one of only a handful of people he trusts.
- akamia 3y ago
  That was why we used an at home euthanasia service for our dog. He hated going to the vet and had to go multiple times a week toward the end. We didn't want to have him scared and stressed in his last moments. Look into at home options if the time comes. We actually found that the cost was not much more than doing it at our vet's office. I think it was $500 at home vs $400 in office. $100 extra to give him the best end possible was the least I could do.
  - bigmattystyles 3y ago
    Same, he was mostly bed bound as he had been for months, the vet came to our place. My wife and I were crying like no other, was this the right time, the question was haunting us, still does. He still appeared to like to eat, but he was paralyzed, needed help to poo and pee, even to stand to eat, but he could still sit on lap and seem happy but even that was mitigated by the fact he was on a lot of gabapentin. The moment of euthanasia came and he was asleep throughout the whole thing. Broke our hearts but gave him a painless exit. I will say this though, kids under 10 need not be there. I love and miss you everyday W.
- heyoni 3y ago
  Yea there are services. I assume you can hit a vein based on your username? Only thing I'd worry about is making sure you have extra drugs and know what to do in case your initial dose doesn't work. It can happen sometimes.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
DoesntMatter22 3y ago
I take care of a lot of feral cats and it's really tough. They die often, due to feline HIV or feline Lukemia. It sucks. 9 have died since January (3 were kittens). But it's just not practical to put them to sleep. The first one I did but it was 300 bucks. Idk it does suck.
- rurp 3y ago
  Oof yeah, this is tough. I have done some fostering of kittens and on the whole I highly recommend it; it's a great way to have kittens in the home without committing to long term adoption, and it helps out shelters that really need the help. But this part of it is tough. Feline lukemia and other terminal illnesses are not uncommon with shelter cats and it sure hurts to lose them.
  - DoesntMatter22 3y ago
    It's crazy how fast they go down hill. Go from like just fine to holocaust skinny in 2 months. Brutal to watch, especially hard when the kittens die or dissappear. I had 2 tabbies that were born this year. One had a white tipped tail and the other a black tipped. I loved them both but loved black tipped the most. She would sit in my arms and purr just staring in my eyes. So cute. Then one day it got run over. Not much you can do really. In a very weird and minor way it gave me insight into why losing a child during pregnancy or very young is so painful. I always thought "What's the big deal? You just have another one". I mean I wouldn't say that to people but that's just how it seemed to me. But then with the cats some had great personalities or super soft coats and I was so looking forward to petting them and playing with them when they got older. Then they died and there is a bit of a hole. Obviously this is nothing compared to a human life, but it made more sense now. You have a child and you think about their first day of school, how you will dress them, what their interests are, what special skills they have. It gave me a lot more insight into what it's like to be a parent and lose a child and how devastating that probably is.
agumonkey 3y ago
That is a very interesting view point. Existence used to be cohesive, ritualized, we were all close to and part of every aspect of it. Now it's all industrialized, and it's not surprising that it's dehumanizing to people in charge.
- heyoni 3y ago
  My wife thinks that in time of peace we should require kids that turn 18 to spend a year doing some community service. Somewhere far from home.
  - agumonkey 3y ago
    I so wish our cultures did something like that. I think Denmark has a habit of 18yo kids going away for a year, to live freely with new found majority status. I was also thinking international community swaps.. people from one country would have opportunities to go, not to their direct neighbours, but one frontier further. To make people know about other countries on the field. The plan would be to have kids all around develop a clearer bond with people far away and avoid dehumanised reflex hatred.
  - rurp 3y ago
    Totally agree. In college I lived in a transfer dorm for a year which was mostly filled with kids who had either transferred from another country or had taken a gap year before college to do something interesting. It was great! The group was full of interesting people and there was dramatically less of the typical dumb college freshmen behavior than usual.
raducu 3y ago
> I think one of the worst things about society right now is we don’t share the burden amongst ourselves Watched a reddit post about a romanian mother making a fuss about her and her small autistic son being kicked out of an uber because the son threw a tantrum and somewhat dirtied a chair. I was appaled by the lack of empathy of some of the redditors. Nobody is entitled to anything, nobody owes anything to anybody, but the sharing/safety net thing is what makes us an advanced species.
rendx 3y ago
Generally speaking, I think it's totally okay to try and align interests. I know people who feel a lot of gratitude to be able to accompany people through hard times, and would never want to call that "dirty work".

by heyoni 3y ago

giantg2 3y ago

I think there are still a number if people who would euthanize their own animals. But to your point, it seems a large part of society has completely detected from the realities of life. How many know what it takes to grow/process food, or butcher an animal for meat, etc? No, that just comes in a package at the store...

Arrath 3y ago
> I think there are still a number if people who would euthanize their own animals. I would lean towards agreeing with you. Anecdotes aren't data etc etc but my uncle couldn't bring himself to take his dog into a sterile and impersonal vet's office when it was his dog's time, nor could he bring himself to doing the deed himself, so he and my dad worked together to do it. For a stoic old logger, army mechanic, and construction worker, it broke him for a while.

Exuma 3y ago

One of my favorite cats has a bad tumor and a 3 month expected life span. I found out a few days ago. I’m shattered and the thought of having to be in the room or not is just super depressing. I’ve never lost a pet before or even someone very close to me. I’m scared for how bad it’s going to hurt Part of me (most of me) wants to be there to feel the pain in the deepest way and not bitch out. To be there for the last breath Oh man I feel so bad

mozman 3y ago
Never let your friend die alone.
- pengaru 3y ago
  We all die alone.
  - nyc_data_geek1 3y ago
    Except those of us lucky enough to die in the arms of the one we treasure most in this world.
    - pengaru 3y ago
      Keep telling yourself that. It's a solo experience.
      - jhardy54 3y ago
        [flagged]
rm_-rf_slash 3y ago
You can ask your vet for a home visit. Let them pass in a place that they know is safe and loving.
- at_a_remove 3y ago
  I did that. I am told it usually goes well. Mine did not go well. I was a wreck for about two weeks after.
- WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
  I was wondering about that. I'd hate to make their last hours full of freakout. I'd most prefer doing the euthanization myself. It feels like something that should be my responsibility.
  - rm_-rf_slash 3y ago
    I fed my pupper the biggest spoonful of peanut butter he’d ever seen, he fell asleep peacefully. When the vet switched to the euthanizing agent, he didn’t move a muscle.
MandieD 3y ago
My little parrot died in my hands, and while it was sad, I was (and still am) glad that she didn’t die alone. She’d been ill, and I was about to take her back to the vet to have that final shot, so it was not shocking. Be there for your friend. It won’t make the hurt go away, and it may even be a bit scary, but it will help your healing process.
- lapetitejort 3y ago
  I brought a sick cockatiel to the vet. They couldn't take care of him right away so I left. A few hours later I got a call that the bird was in cardiac arrest, and wanted to know if they should intervene. I quickly decided no, he should pass in peace. The household was in a panic for a few moments, then we were distraught. That was the worst phone call I've been on in my life. Its effects have not been fully processed over a year later. That is not how you're supposed to find out your pet passed. I know now not to take a visibly sick bird to the vet as it's already too late. I can only hope that I remember this lesson in the horrible case it happens again.
  - MandieD 3y ago
    I’m sorry that you and your family had to experience the loss of your cockatiel that way, and wish the vet had told you to take your little friend home instead. Regular vets who aren’t avian specialists really can’t do much for pet birds aside from mending injuries; an avian specialist can help you diagnose diet issues before the bird is critically ill, so it might still be worth taking in a bird that seems a bit under the weather to see if it is a diet issue - an awful lot of pet bird problems are diet issues. I took mine to one to have a microchip implanted before exporting her to Germany; not a huge deal with big parrots (they can be injected into the wing), but for small conures, it involves general anesthesia, so I went out of my way to find someone who had a lot of avian experience. But yes, once a pet bird appears seriously ill, it’s likely too late to do anything other than keep it warm and in a place it feels safe, and let nature take its course. As far as I know, pretty much all animals, especially prey animals, hide illnesses and injuries, and that is definitely the case for parrots.
Mezzie 3y ago
Be there. I have had a cat die unexpectedly (heart failure) and she was in the car on the way to the vet when she died. She held on in the back seat until I was able to pull over and be with her. She was looking for me. You owe it to be there.
- Exuma 3y ago
  Ok I will definitely do it then. How long did it take to not feel just truly awful? Like I said... Ive never experienced that much grief/pain from loss before. I am scared how bad it will be, or what to expect.
  - endemic 3y ago
    There was a scene in the movie "Don't Look Up" where Leonardo DiCaprio's character talks about losing the family dog. He says, "I've never cried so much before." That was pretty much my experience after losing my first dog. I felt pretty terrible for a day or two, but the grief went down over a week or so. My wife also pushed pretty hard for getting a new puppy, which helped with the "empty house" feeling.
  - zargon 3y ago
    When I lost my cat of 13 years, the first few weeks were terrible. Even just the feeling of emptiness in the house. And everything reminded me of her. For 6 months I could not talk about her without crying. But it's OK to feel this. I would rather feel it than not. It's a reflection of the wonderful companionship we had.
  - CogitoCogito 3y ago
    In my experience, the actual death brings a feeling of relief. This has been my experience for both dying pets and family members. It’s hard but it’s a part of life. It’s gonna be alright.
  - Mezzie 3y ago
    It was my first time losing anyone/anything close to me as well. I was acutely distressed for a good month and basically non functional for a week or so, which is embarrassing to admit, but this cat was with me through some really dark times when no people were there for me. I was holding her body and just wailing when we got home - I was a 30 something year old woman and I needed my mom to come over to manage what to actually do. There is no shame in the pain - it means you love your kitty.
heyoni 3y ago
I don't know if this is bad advice or not but maybe take some valerian root or something like it before going in if you're worried about being overwhelmed. This is 100% bro science coming from me, but there are real studies studying the effects of propranolol on patients with PTSD where they purposely trigger the offending memory while on the drug in order to rewire the sensations associated with the memory. It doesn't have to be traumatizing and you won't be alone.
acegopher 3y ago
I'm so sorry about your cat. You have my condolences. It's going to hurt. Real bad. But you will come through. Life is precious because it is hard, not because it is easy. Be there for your cat. Let your touch, smell, and sight be what your cat remembers as they pass. And sit with your grief. I'm getting teary-eyed just typing this as I remember doing the same for my little Abbi, a 14-year old Shih-Tsu mutt I euthanized over a year ago. And that's ok. It's ok to be sad. You will be sad. Cry, let it come out. Ironically, you will feel better than trying to "be strong" or hold it in.
- Exuma 3y ago
  Thank you :( Your words make sense and I appreciate it. I havent really cried much in the last 10 years, maybe 2 times. So it feels very weird. I just started crying in the car while driving thinking of this post, and that is really new to me. I am very sorry about Abbi
arachnid92 3y ago
Be there. My family recently had to put down one of my family's beagles who had been with us for 15 years. She was blind, could barely walk, and was having trouble keeping food down, and we decided it was time for her to go to prevent her from suffering. My father, my sister, and I were in the room all together when the vet put her to sleep, and me and my sister held her until she stopped breathing altogether. It hurt, and I keep crying every time I think about it, but OTOH I am absolutely certain us being there made her feel safe and calm, and made it easier for her to pass in peace. The fact that I was able to be there and say goodbye in her final moments is a memory that, although very painful, I treasure tremendously.
- tlavoie 3y ago
  Absolutely, this. Being that human companion that's there with them to the end is terrible, and I wouldn't do without it. I've done it a few times now over the years, and see it as part of the price I pay for all they give me through our time together. As a contrast, I was something like 13 when my mom took our dog in for euthanasia, without telling us kids that it was happening. They thought they were sparing us some pain, but I found it devastating. Getting home from school, "where's Buddy?" "Um...." No, be there. It's always better in the end.
dan_quixote 3y ago
You should be there. It won't be easy, but you will revisit this memory many times in the future. Each time you think about it later, you won't regret being there. You will, however, regret NOT being there. And know that it gets easier.
whartung 3y ago
I remember when a friend of mine had to let go of his dog. Paraphrasing, he said something like "I've been there since almost birth, commanded and controlled every aspect of his life, but who am I to choose this." It's a dreadful responsibility, but it is just that -- a responsibility. When the pet goes to their forever home, this is part of forever. I have personal issues with it being "scheduled", that just tears me up. That at 12pm there will be this life, and 12:01, there won't. But at the same time, it's on us as caretakers to not let the slow decline turn into a spike of severe suffering. Sudden, crushing pain. Struggles breathing, etc. Crisis may well dictate when the time has arrived, some escalation (like not eating). Sometimes its just "We have an opening on Tuesday". This is not what we necessarily signed up for, but it's the job. As the others say, be there, hold them, hold them and let them go. You are their everything. This process is part and parcel to loving them. Fond farewell as they cross the rainbow bridge. Sorry about your cat.
zeku 3y ago
Focus on how good of a life you've given your cat. Be there for it when it passes if you can. My childhood dog had cancer and ended up having a seizure in my arms. Later I buried him myself. Being there for him and burying him myself gave me a lot of closure and I'm proud I was able to be his friend and give him a good life.
burntsushi 3y ago
I just did this for my cat Cauchy about 10 days ago. It was brutally difficult. But I was so glad ("glad" seems like a gross word in this context, not sure how to phrase it) I was there with him in his final moments and that he was able to die painlessly in my arms. My vet had a "back door" entrance for these sorts of things. I took them up on it and I needed that.
raffraffraff 3y ago
I've been there several times, and I know I'll have to do it at least 8 more times before I die. I will always have dogs because "I'm a dog person". I love them. I have two greyhounds on my couch right now. (Always two). 3 years ago I had to have lovely Lily put to sleep because she was 14, had bad arthritis, and years of meds had taken their toll. I was sad but I didn't second guess it at all. I gave her a wonderful home, and I doted on her. The last thing to do "for her" was prevent further suffering. 2 years before that, I did it with Zuni, a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent dog. He had lung cancer. He was only 11, but he was already starting to suffer, and I simply couldn't bare to put him through any more. It's easier to deal with your own pain of loss than to watch him slowly deteriorate and wheeze and suffer more every day. No regrets. 5 years before that (yes, I was unlucky) I had to put Pasha to sleep because she had bone cancer. She was 6. My first dog, as an adult with my own home. That was the first time I ever had to make that decision. I was wracked with guilt and worry that I wasn't finding some other way for her to live. I got second and third opinions, scoured the internet looking for novel treatments. I eventually had her put to sleep because she was in so much pain and the vet said "there is nothing you can do, I've seen this a thousand times". My only regret with Pasha is that, in my fear, I failed to do the one thing that was in my power, for her: prevent suffering. That's my only regret. When you hit 50 and you're on your Nth dog, you don't so much "just go through the motions and then get another dog" when you're dog dies. That makes it seem cold. It's always painful. But these days I accept that I'm "a dog person", and that I'll always have a space in my heart and on my sofa. There are thousands of dogs that need homes right now. And as sad as I'll be when one of these two muppets gets terminal, I'll do the right thing. Then I'll wait a few weeks, and go straight to the pound. It's not cold and mechanical. It doesn't diminish the love I have for these two idiots, or for Lily, Zuni or Pasha. What I've realized is that the two worst things are: - their pain - you worrying about their pain Honestly, while the moment of death is a terrible thing, it's always peaceful. It's always a release.
hoorible 3y ago
Be there. I was 14 when we had to put our first animal down; my mom, someone I guess you’d describe as hyper-emotional, was a wreck. A year later we had another, thankfully just of old age, but she “couldn’t bear it again” so I was in the vet by myself because I didn’t want my cat to be alone when she passed. It sure sucked doing it alone and feeling like I had to be the grownup, but I’ve never regretted my choice. If you need to bring a friend to help get you through it, then do. But be there, no matter what. The closure that it offers is invaluable. I’m so sorry. I hope you both find peace.

bengale 3y ago

I wonder if that's true. You're putting the animal out of its misery in many cases, but for a lot of people in the room you're a key part of one of the worst moments for them. I think of the last one I went though that was unexpected, how many people have to stand in a room and watch two grown adults lay on the floor and truly sob, to see their hearts break. I can't imagine the empathy for the love people feel for animals makes it any easier.

the_doctah 3y ago

I often think that I would prefer to euthanize my dog myself. He is absolutely terrified of going to the vet (of strangers as well), and having to do it there makes it that much worse. I'm one of only a handful of people he trusts.

akamia 3y ago
That was why we used an at home euthanasia service for our dog. He hated going to the vet and had to go multiple times a week toward the end. We didn't want to have him scared and stressed in his last moments. Look into at home options if the time comes. We actually found that the cost was not much more than doing it at our vet's office. I think it was $500 at home vs $400 in office. $100 extra to give him the best end possible was the least I could do.
- bigmattystyles 3y ago
  Same, he was mostly bed bound as he had been for months, the vet came to our place. My wife and I were crying like no other, was this the right time, the question was haunting us, still does. He still appeared to like to eat, but he was paralyzed, needed help to poo and pee, even to stand to eat, but he could still sit on lap and seem happy but even that was mitigated by the fact he was on a lot of gabapentin. The moment of euthanasia came and he was asleep throughout the whole thing. Broke our hearts but gave him a painless exit. I will say this though, kids under 10 need not be there. I love and miss you everyday W.
heyoni 3y ago
Yea there are services. I assume you can hit a vein based on your username? Only thing I'd worry about is making sure you have extra drugs and know what to do in case your initial dose doesn't work. It can happen sometimes.
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DoesntMatter22 3y ago

I take care of a lot of feral cats and it's really tough. They die often, due to feline HIV or feline Lukemia. It sucks. 9 have died since January (3 were kittens). But it's just not practical to put them to sleep. The first one I did but it was 300 bucks. Idk it does suck.

rurp 3y ago
Oof yeah, this is tough. I have done some fostering of kittens and on the whole I highly recommend it; it's a great way to have kittens in the home without committing to long term adoption, and it helps out shelters that really need the help. But this part of it is tough. Feline lukemia and other terminal illnesses are not uncommon with shelter cats and it sure hurts to lose them.
- DoesntMatter22 3y ago
  It's crazy how fast they go down hill. Go from like just fine to holocaust skinny in 2 months. Brutal to watch, especially hard when the kittens die or dissappear. I had 2 tabbies that were born this year. One had a white tipped tail and the other a black tipped. I loved them both but loved black tipped the most. She would sit in my arms and purr just staring in my eyes. So cute. Then one day it got run over. Not much you can do really. In a very weird and minor way it gave me insight into why losing a child during pregnancy or very young is so painful. I always thought "What's the big deal? You just have another one". I mean I wouldn't say that to people but that's just how it seemed to me. But then with the cats some had great personalities or super soft coats and I was so looking forward to petting them and playing with them when they got older. Then they died and there is a bit of a hole. Obviously this is nothing compared to a human life, but it made more sense now. You have a child and you think about their first day of school, how you will dress them, what their interests are, what special skills they have. It gave me a lot more insight into what it's like to be a parent and lose a child and how devastating that probably is.

agumonkey 3y ago

That is a very interesting view point. Existence used to be cohesive, ritualized, we were all close to and part of every aspect of it. Now it's all industrialized, and it's not surprising that it's dehumanizing to people in charge.

heyoni 3y ago
My wife thinks that in time of peace we should require kids that turn 18 to spend a year doing some community service. Somewhere far from home.
- agumonkey 3y ago
  I so wish our cultures did something like that. I think Denmark has a habit of 18yo kids going away for a year, to live freely with new found majority status. I was also thinking international community swaps.. people from one country would have opportunities to go, not to their direct neighbours, but one frontier further. To make people know about other countries on the field. The plan would be to have kids all around develop a clearer bond with people far away and avoid dehumanised reflex hatred.
- rurp 3y ago
  Totally agree. In college I lived in a transfer dorm for a year which was mostly filled with kids who had either transferred from another country or had taken a gap year before college to do something interesting. It was great! The group was full of interesting people and there was dramatically less of the typical dumb college freshmen behavior than usual.

raducu 3y ago

> I think one of the worst things about society right now is we don’t share the burden amongst ourselves Watched a reddit post about a romanian mother making a fuss about her and her small autistic son being kicked out of an uber because the son threw a tantrum and somewhat dirtied a chair. I was appaled by the lack of empathy of some of the redditors. Nobody is entitled to anything, nobody owes anything to anybody, but the sharing/safety net thing is what makes us an advanced species.

rendx 3y ago

Generally speaking, I think it's totally okay to try and align interests. I know people who feel a lot of gratitude to be able to accompany people through hard times, and would never want to call that "dirty work".