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It's the same as all the others. Consider the base rate for all possible reasons a person might not return a call: - Has been injured or incapacitated - Didn'

It's the same as all the others. Consider the base rate for all possible reasons a person might not return a call: - Has been injured or incapacitated - Didn't see the call - Didn't receive the call - He actually did return the call, but you didn't notice or didn't receive it - Has been swamped by other demands - Simply forgot - Lost his phone - Has become generally depressed or despondent - Fell out of love with the caller and is avoiding saying so It doesn't seem likely that the rate for the last reason is high enough to outweigh all of the other possible reasons, and the evidence you have is equal evidence for all possible causes, not evidence specifically that he stopped loving you.

xpe 3y ago
A nice uplifting list indeed. As to all save the last two, one might hope that eventually love would manifest as action. Emotions, logic, and time are complicated for people.
denton-scratch 3y ago
> not evidence specifically that he stopped loving you. I think that last example is problematic. Did he ever start loving you? How would you know? How would he know? What is love, anyway? (~Charles Rex) What evidence would support the belief that someone does or doesn't love you? Erich Fromm defined four types of love; but just because someone is your mother doesn't mean that their attitude is one of Motherly Love. They might not even like you. Basically, "Love" is a field with no definitions, no evidence, and nothing even close to certainty. It's all just feels.
seabass-labrax 3y ago
It's that penultimate one which I think is the most greatly underestimated possibility. I've had good friends 'ghost me', only for them to tell me after finally getting in contact that they were depressed. Frequently that can be triggered by health issues, so it's not necessarily true that you have to be incapacitated for a injury to stop you from responding to people normally. I feel that my society lacks a sensitive, reliable way of communicating that one is depressed in a way that lets both parties 'off the hook' for being distant, yet reserving the possibility of continuing (and confirming the desire to continue) the relationship at a later point. Restarting old friendships has been really difficult in my experience, even when it would be mutually beneficial for both parties.

xpe 3y ago

A nice uplifting list indeed. As to all save the last two, one might hope that eventually love would manifest as action. Emotions, logic, and time are complicated for people.

denton-scratch 3y ago

> not evidence specifically that he stopped loving you. I think that last example is problematic. Did he ever start loving you? How would you know? How would he know? What is love, anyway? (~Charles Rex) What evidence would support the belief that someone does or doesn't love you? Erich Fromm defined four types of love; but just because someone is your mother doesn't mean that their attitude is one of Motherly Love. They might not even like you. Basically, "Love" is a field with no definitions, no evidence, and nothing even close to certainty. It's all just feels.

seabass-labrax 3y ago

It's that penultimate one which I think is the most greatly underestimated possibility. I've had good friends 'ghost me', only for them to tell me after finally getting in contact that they were depressed. Frequently that can be triggered by health issues, so it's not necessarily true that you have to be incapacitated for a injury to stop you from responding to people normally. I feel that my society lacks a sensitive, reliable way of communicating that one is depressed in a way that lets both parties 'off the hook' for being distant, yet reserving the possibility of continuing (and confirming the desire to continue) the relationship at a later point. Restarting old friendships has been really difficult in my experience, even when it would be mutually beneficial for both parties.