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Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
- breput 3y agoI feel like teenage me might have answered most of these, with varying levels of honesty, but is any kid answering "What’s the best way for someone to lose their virginity?"? Yeah, don't ask that one.
- theGeatZhopa 3y agoI would feel ashamed and emberessed into the ground if that old crunk have asked me that one when I was a teen.
- scotty79 3y agoEven the phrasing is cringy. Why not ask how do you imagine best first sex? Of course not out of the blue.
- AtlasBarfed 3y agoFrequently and repeatedly? Yeah, as a teen that would be fucking weird, I'd only be able to respone with sarcasm.
- FFP999 3y ago[dead]
- klntsky 3y agoThis article reaffirms the "liberal mom" stereorype: a parent who tries to achieve sincerity with their child after it has been lost. Le climate change is surely the issue parenting should be concerned with.
- friend_and_foe 3y agoImagine getting your sincere questions from a Top 10s tabloid post. "Ten signs he's into you".
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- HL33tibCe7 3y agoThe Guardian isn't a tabloid (although, granted, this article is the kind of garbage you might expect to find in one)
- ruune 3y agoAkshually the Guardian is published in the tabloid format now iirc. But that's not really the meaning of tabloid being talked about I suppose
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- ZeroGravitas 3y agoPeople regularly claim that kids are terrified of climate change to the point of psychological harm. This comes from both the "climate change is a hoax" and "we're all going to die" extremes of the debate and everywhere in between. So a parent seeking to check-in with their kids on the topic seems kind of obvious.
- pauldenton 3y agoIf you want to start an important conversation ask if they see any viable path to property ownership before their 50s
- astrange 3y agohttps://www.redfin.com/news/gen-z-millennial-homeownership-rate-home-purchases/ https://www.redfin.com/news/gen-z-millennial-homeownership-r...
- em-bee 3y agothat assumes that property ownership is something everyone should want, so it is a leading question. better ask if they think that owning a house is important. you can have a much more open conversation that way. if they say yes, then ask how and when they would think they would achieve that.
- hnfong 3y agoThe math is relatively simple, but the social/political/macroeconomical policy influences to wages, interest rates, property values are non-trivial and probably require a brief incursion into basic economics before a fruitful discussion could be held. Otherwise, just tell them the lie that you can own a home if you work hard for 30+ years.
- jstarfish 3y agoDon't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to. If you're still breathing, it's never too late to start a trust...to ensure that their dream of homeownership is not achieved through inheritance powder.
- RugnirViking 3y agoThese seem so incincere, I can't put my finger on why. Just be interested in what they're interested in, same as how to connect with anyone. Let them tell you about things. Thereby establish you are interested in them as a person and are a good listener. And perhaps critically, don't start out with a view to change them - that requires a great deal of trust willingly placed on their behalf which you haven't earned and will never be able to force.
- csydas 3y agowould agree. i don’t have kids myself but often get asked to watch people’s kids for extended times; half the time building trust is just being interested in what they are interested in. not even participating just asking questions and encouraging them to go get excited and share their excitement with you. pay attention, try to learn why they are into something and just share in their excitement. i won’t try to claim it always works but at least for my experience just being someone who is safe for younger people to share their ideas and thoughts with (starting with the “lighter” thoughts) seems to make the foundation for the kids being more willing to ask the tough questions about life on their own or to listen when you do want to share your own thoughts.
- HL33tibCe7 3y agoI think the reason it feels insincere is that most of the questions are not designed to be asked to get the actual opinion of the teenager, they're designed to try and push the asker's opinion onto the teenager. This is quite obviously the case, and any teenager who isn't a simpleton will find the questions incredibly patronising for this reason
- cedilla 3y agoWhat opinion is getting pushed by these extremely open questions? I can see how many teenagers wouldn't like to openly discuss sex or politics with their parents because they already know what kind of answers their parent want or don't want to hear. But I don't think the article claims that asking a few questions can undo years of bad parenting.
- youngtaff 3y agoWonder how many of the people commenting on this have teenage kids?
- dmvdoug 3y agoI have 150-180 every year. :|
- kayodelycaon 3y agoI don’t but I have friends that do.
- giantg2 3y agoWow a lot of these seem like stupid questions that would make your teen less likely to talk to you. Asking some manufactured question seems like bullshit, and most will see through it. Why not just talk about sincere things?
- myshpa 3y agoWhat do you feel about what’s happening to our planet? Teenagers are thinking lots about climate change, and many of them, says Hannah, are quite terrified about what’s happening, so it can be really helpful to talk it through. “We need to take action – this is a very serious situation – but you don’t want your child to be fearful the whole time that we’re on the verge of extinction,” she says. Listen to their concerns and be ready to talk about what people can do to make a difference. Hm ... take action ... extinction ... talk. That shall help. https://i.redd.it/5a8krfiy3q631.jpg https://i.redd.it/5a8krfiy3q631.jpg
- lucb1e 3y ago(Note that the link claims to go to a .jpg file, but actually opens the full reddit UI with cookie wall and the whole shebang. Edit: I had a temporary reupload in here, but since that reupload is temporary and HN comments can be edited for only 2 hours nowadays, well, it's been nearly two hours so I need to remove it now to prevent this comment having a permanently broken link. /edit) Also, I don't get what you're trying to say by posting a few random words and a link to a comic. Tentatively trying to read something into it: that there is no fixing the problem and we should make "your child to be fearful the whole time that we’re on the verge of extinction"?
- myshpa 3y agoMany individuals neglect to address climate change (or rather overshoot), often shifting blame while maintaining their consumption habits. For instance, despite knowing its significant environmental impact, most people are reluctant to reduce meat consumption, risking a bleak future for their offspring. This inaction and mere talk reflect a hypocritical stance, as people avoid making meaningful contributions to climate solutions, ultimately burdening future generations with the problem.
- lucb1e 3y agoAh, now that's some clear words that I can understand and subscribe to!
- 3y ago
- kayodelycaon 3y ago> Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about? Um. Yeah. My parents might have gotten me to answer here, but they had literally spent a lifetime building trust. Being from a religious community, I saw a lot of authoritarian parents who had completely destroyed their relationship with their kids. Good luck talking about getting your teen to talk about forbidden topics you’ll punished them for if they give the wrong answer.
- dmvdoug 3y agoA million times this. Even if the parents aren’t necessarily authoritarian, kids can still be deeply afraid of confiding in their parent(s) when they’re doing something that they feel their parents will judge them for. Teenagers feel like they’re being judged from the outside all the time. They worry so much (consciously or not) about what other people think of them. To have it come from home too can just be too much.
- FFP999 3y agoSeriously. If either of my parents had asked me this when I was a teenager, my brain would have immediately gone into overdrive trying to figure out what they already knew about, what they suspected, and how best to keep my secrets secret.
- dmvdoug 3y ago> When I was your age I was more lonely than anyone knew. Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about? I spend my entire working day, and many hours afterward in extracurricular activities, with teenagers. This is a remarkably bad question. None of the questions, to be honest, is very good, but this one in particular would earn you a straight-up blank stare. It’s good to ask kids direct, deep questions, but they have to believe—-like feel in their guts—-that no matter what they tell you, you will still be there for them and you won’t judge them. Especially when kids are doing something they know is dangerous or harmful (like, say, cutting or acting out sexually). And if we’re completely honest, kids are often most afraid of telling their parents about that stuff. I deal with this a lot, in part because of the environment my kids (at school) are growing up in leading to a shitload of trauma and in part because I am one of the adults in the building who truly gives a shit about their mental health and emotional well-being (there aren’t that many of us, unfortunately, out of 120 teachers). The single most common element every case of a kid confiding in me has is terror over what their parent(s) will say/do. So, these questions are, like, not exactly designed to elicit real answers.
- kayodelycaon 3y agoTerror is a good word for it and is not exaggerating.
- sdwr 3y agoSo true! The question at the top is a power play, a sales pitch, an ego boost that fakes reciprocity but keeps all the cards. Notice how the vulnerability is kept in the past. "I used to be lonely, but now I'm fine! I don't need anything from you, but I bet you need something from me!"
- kelseyfrog 3y agoIt's generally taken as good advice for parents to not rely on their children for emotional support ie: preferring unidirectional emotional regulation as opposed to co-regulation. Emotional co-regulation is seen as being as placing undue burdens on children. Is that what you were referring to or is it something else?
- matteoraso 3y ago>What’s the best way for someone to lose their virginity? DO NOT ASK TEENAGERS THIS.
- kayodelycaon 3y agoI’d totally ask a teenager this if I knew they would find it funny. But I’m not their parent. :)