4 ms·

Is it a norm? I view all forms of having more than one significant other as being forms of poly. Office spouse, mistress, side boyfriend, sexting other people,

Is it a norm? I view all forms of having more than one significant other as being forms of poly. Office spouse, mistress, side boyfriend, sexting other people, etc. I think poly relationships are very common. If you want to quote from the Bible: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. So even looking at porn or thinking sexual thoughts about anyone else is engaging in a poly relationship. By that standard, nearly everyone is in a poly relationship.

xyzelement 3y ago
I think you are conflating succumbing to a vice (eg porn) and orienting your life around an identity (eg poly)
- CobrastanJorji 3y ago
  Interestingly, Catholicism sees the former (doing the bad thing but agreeing that it is bad and that you should stop) as pretty normal, but the latter (deciding the thing is okay) as heresy, the sort of thing that could get you the bell, book, and candle.
  - paulddraper 3y ago
    Yes. This is the Christian concept of faith and grace. "For by grace you have been saved through faith." Because of Christ's grace, your belief is sufficient even if your acts are not.
    - tasuki 3y ago
      I don't understand what you're saying. Don't you find it weird that doing the bad thing but agreeing that it is bad is... okay, while deciding the thing is okay is... heresy?
      - true_religion 3y ago
        I don’t find it weird. If we acknowledge that people are imperfect, then everyone should understand they will fall short of their own moral standards.
      - xyzelement 3y ago
        It seems logical. Analogy: I want to be healthy but I am imperfect so I will end up over eating or skipping my workout. Versus: I embrace being unhealthy and fat as part of my identity. In one, you try to be better but aren't always successful. In the other, you've embraced the bad.
    - barrysteve 3y ago
      beliefs control acts. otherwise you're <insert name of belief>, in name only. mercy and justice are apprioriate outcomes for breaking the rules, not just 'yolo whatever i believe so everything is permitted'.
      - paulddraper 3y ago
        That's also true. There what someone believes, and what someone says they believe. People are (ought to be) in state of continual improvement.
        selfhoster11 3y ago
        To complicate things, there's then "being a hypocrite as a preliminary stage of changing oneself". If I know a behaviour is condemned by my principles/faith and yet I still do it, then so long I am working towards change, I'm still resisting that thing, it's... well, not all good, for sure, but it's something. And you can work with that.
paulddraper 3y ago
> I think poly relationships are very common. There is a difference between what things are common weaknesses and what things are social ideals. Just because sloth is not unusual, doesn't make it culturally acceptable. > looking at porn or thinking sexual thoughts about anyone else is engaging in a poly relationship. It is a poly relationship in your heart, which a step in the direction of an actual poly relationship. Lust/adultry, anger/assault, envy/theft, etc. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."
jandrese 3y ago
That seems overly reductionist and devalues the entire concept of polyamory. Thoughts and actions are not the same and can not be treated as the same. Your viewpoint veers into thoughtcrime territory.
- amanaplanacanal 3y ago
  Well sure. Christianity invented thoughtcrime. Before Christianity, the essence of religion was observing the appropriate rituals at the appropriate times, with Christianity it became what you truly believe in your heart of hearts.
barrysteve 3y ago
By that standard, everyone is a sinner.
- twodave 3y ago
  Well you don't have to use that passage to know that's exactly what the Bible teaches--"For all have sinned..." Rom 3:23. Or, later in the same letter, Paul speaks about his own struggles: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” ‭‭Rom‬ ‭7‬:‭18‬-‭19‬
- paulddraper 3y ago
  Not a single Christian would disagree with that statement.
- nick-of-time 3y ago
  That's the point, it's the entrance to their sales funnel. Convince people that they're dirty and broken, then sell them the cure.
  - selfhoster11 3y ago
    I see where you're coming from, but it's more like trying to sell people a vaccine before they die from a preventable disease (eternal death). It's hard to argue that people at risk should be made aware of the cure's existence.

xyzelement 3y ago

I think you are conflating succumbing to a vice (eg porn) and orienting your life around an identity (eg poly)

CobrastanJorji 3y ago
Interestingly, Catholicism sees the former (doing the bad thing but agreeing that it is bad and that you should stop) as pretty normal, but the latter (deciding the thing is okay) as heresy, the sort of thing that could get you the bell, book, and candle.
- paulddraper 3y ago
  Yes. This is the Christian concept of faith and grace. "For by grace you have been saved through faith." Because of Christ's grace, your belief is sufficient even if your acts are not.
  - tasuki 3y ago
    I don't understand what you're saying. Don't you find it weird that doing the bad thing but agreeing that it is bad is... okay, while deciding the thing is okay is... heresy?
    - true_religion 3y ago
      I don’t find it weird. If we acknowledge that people are imperfect, then everyone should understand they will fall short of their own moral standards.
    - xyzelement 3y ago
      It seems logical. Analogy: I want to be healthy but I am imperfect so I will end up over eating or skipping my workout. Versus: I embrace being unhealthy and fat as part of my identity. In one, you try to be better but aren't always successful. In the other, you've embraced the bad.
  - barrysteve 3y ago
    beliefs control acts. otherwise you're <insert name of belief>, in name only. mercy and justice are apprioriate outcomes for breaking the rules, not just 'yolo whatever i believe so everything is permitted'.
    - paulddraper 3y ago
      That's also true. There what someone believes, and what someone says they believe. People are (ought to be) in state of continual improvement.
      - selfhoster11 3y ago
        To complicate things, there's then "being a hypocrite as a preliminary stage of changing oneself". If I know a behaviour is condemned by my principles/faith and yet I still do it, then so long I am working towards change, I'm still resisting that thing, it's... well, not all good, for sure, but it's something. And you can work with that.

paulddraper 3y ago

> I think poly relationships are very common. There is a difference between what things are common weaknesses and what things are social ideals. Just because sloth is not unusual, doesn't make it culturally acceptable. > looking at porn or thinking sexual thoughts about anyone else is engaging in a poly relationship. It is a poly relationship in your heart, which a step in the direction of an actual poly relationship. Lust/adultry, anger/assault, envy/theft, etc. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."

jandrese 3y ago

That seems overly reductionist and devalues the entire concept of polyamory. Thoughts and actions are not the same and can not be treated as the same. Your viewpoint veers into thoughtcrime territory.

amanaplanacanal 3y ago
Well sure. Christianity invented thoughtcrime. Before Christianity, the essence of religion was observing the appropriate rituals at the appropriate times, with Christianity it became what you truly believe in your heart of hearts.

barrysteve 3y ago

By that standard, everyone is a sinner.

twodave 3y ago
Well you don't have to use that passage to know that's exactly what the Bible teaches--"For all have sinned..." Rom 3:23. Or, later in the same letter, Paul speaks about his own struggles: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” ‭‭Rom‬ ‭7‬:‭18‬-‭19‬
paulddraper 3y ago
Not a single Christian would disagree with that statement.
nick-of-time 3y ago
That's the point, it's the entrance to their sales funnel. Convince people that they're dirty and broken, then sell them the cure.
- selfhoster11 3y ago
  I see where you're coming from, but it's more like trying to sell people a vaccine before they die from a preventable disease (eternal death). It's hard to argue that people at risk should be made aware of the cure's existence.