> Practicing BDSM in a long term relationship is actually a good way to make it healthier, and many of the things that are good for one (communication, boundari

> Practicing BDSM in a long term relationship is actually a good way to make it healthier, and many of the things that are good for one (communication, boundaries, self-knowledge) are good for the other. That's very black and white. More realistically, "practicing or exploring BDSM if parties are interested and curious". When I spent a lot more time than I do now in the BDSM scene, there was definitely a subset (and I'm not including you in this - though the ... fetishization ... of BDSM as a 'superset' of a normal relationship is a part of it) of people who had (with varying degrees of subtlety/bluntness) an attitude of sniffing and looking down their noses... "Ohhhh... you're just a vanilla person, are you?" like they were missing out on something. Nothing wrong with vanilla. Nothing wrong with BDSM. Either can be good. In reverse, it's interesting the connotation - people rarely suggest "Have you tried removing BDSM from your relationship to see if that will make it healthier?" because they don't want to accept that - for some people - it may be exactly that.